To think that my ex and the court can’t control this?

[EW1995]

My ex stopped seeing our child a year ago - there has been a no contact court order in place due to severity of domestic abuse etc.

He has just started seeing her in a highly supervised contact centre setting (2 people supervising the whole time).

8 months ago we got a dog, which is a much loved member of our family, everything has been relatively straight forward and no concerns etc.

DD has mentioned her new ‘best friend’ (as she calls the dog!) to her dad, as an excited child would do, and her dad has now responded by calling my solicitor saying that he wants to raise a concern to the court - he doesn’t want DD living with a dog because he doesn’t feel that I have the capacity to care for both of them well enough together or keep DD safe around this dog either 🤨

Ex has never even see me care for a pet, but when we used to have contact, would always tell me I wasn’t allowed to have one - yes in my own home! - so I’m guessing DD telling him this has majorly pissed him off.

Surely there is nothing that he or the court can do to make me get rid of the dog?!

Loads of people have dogs and children. The judge will be struggling not to laugh at him if he takes you to court over a miniature poodle.

@EW1995

you did INCREDIBLY well to get you & DD away from him.

It's completely unsurprising you had 'MH' issues when you were with him. Mother Teresa would have too!

Did you have MH issues before you met him?

Are you having any counselling now?

you need someone to help you gain confidence that you are a good parent, that you are coping, that you're looking after yourself, DD & DDog just fine. The bastard has done a right number on you and you need support to get past the shit he's out in your head.

the sooner you get counselling the better!

my friend has really struggled with her temper/moods, we put it down to a head injury she had late teens, she's just started to get some help and the therapist has said it started when she was very little (clear from her Drs notes) when her Mum was very abusive. She has complex PTSD. At 55 it has ruined most of her life & the therapy is going to be brutal, but better late than never.

The sooner you get proper help, the better 🌸

tell fuck nugget to take you to court if he had any issues. Twat

one thing he tried to use against me is that I’ve had mental health issues and have struggled with DD’s additional needs in the past, which is true (for most SEN parents too) but that was because he was constantly putting me down and telling me I was doing a bad job - I’ve come on leaps and bounds since I’ve had no contact with him and the professionals have stepped aside and left us to do our own thing for months now

No surprise there, & congratulations on your survival & well-managed mental health OP. The less contact you have with this arsehole the better. Co-Parenting software next! - as above, it will help you reduce ANY comms with him to the absolute bare minimum. Winner all the way for you - a pain in his controlling arse for him, ha ha ha ha.

I’d let him crack on and waste his money, tempting to reply “Of course if you feel Fido the miniature poodle is a risk to DD then you’re within your rights to raise it with the court who can decide” then lock down your social media and carry on as you are.

and her dad has now responded by calling my solicitor saying that he wants to raise a concern to the court

and what did your solicitor reply?

Totally agree with this. He's trying to play games, the court will see straight through that.

If he has phoned your solicitor then he hasn't actually paid to action this through his own. Your solicitor is there to act on your behalf and wont be doing any unpaid work to shaft you for his benefit. Wait and see if he actually pays his own solicitor or formally takes action needing a formal response. Otherwise ignore.

Let him petition the court, waste his time and the courts time. He's adding more ammunition against himself the fecking idiot. If you even get to court, I would take some popcorn sit back and enjoy the show because any judge worth their salt will see straight through him and tear a strip off him.

@EW1995 Given his history of domestic abuse the judge will see right through him and see this for what it is which is control and coercion which is your defence by the way.. that this is nothing but a continuation of his abuse towards you and this behaviour from him is quite simply control and coercion and your not entertainer his abusive, irrational behaviour towards you. 1 response stating the above then completely ignore. The judge will see right through him and probably give him a talking down to. Do not in the slightest worry about this.

Tbh I think the courts would think he is bat shit unless he has evidence of the dog being a danger (which seems he doesn’t).

It’s not illegal to own a dog while having a child so unless the dog is dangerous he doesn’t have a let to stand on. A little poodle won’t raise concern 😀

hes trying to regain control again these bastards wont ever let go

do please make all your sm private though he shouldnt be able to look at photos of you all

What a twat. Mine tried to pull some shit like this about a mutual friend abusing my daughter while simultaneously having an affair with me (the one he constantly complained I was coddling because she wouldn’t sleep alone) and I was subject to whole weeks worth of hundreds of his handwringing texts about whether he should get the police, SS and the courts involved blah blah blah. Eventually I said I’d call SS myself and get DD assessed for past trauma. There was no possibility. She was with me, nursery or once or twice my mother (a hundred miles away who didn’t know the man) for whole her life up to this point. It was insane.

But saying I’d do it myself shut him up completely, because it took the control away. He was just enjoying dangling the threat over me, as yours is over you. I presume she is known to social services, so I’d give them a heads up myself. And if you have any abuse counselling or SW of your own, I’d let them know too. Then they can tell him he’s being stupid and it can go on whatever contact assessment paperwork as continuing to try and control you, and if things escalate or he goes for more contact, you’ve got a record. And give shown him you won’t be putting up with this shit anymore.

Ignore him op. Once he realises that you don't give a shit about his tantrums he'll move on to bothering somebody else.

Let him take you to court. I'm sure the judge could do with a laugh to brighten up their day.

He called your solicitor? I would tell your solicitor not to take his calls. He needs to get his own solicitor! Are you getting billed for this nonsense?

Well he is a prince isn't he! What kind of parent responds to hearing about something that makes their DC happy, and enhances their life, by trying to get it removed. He could not demonstrate more clearly if he tried, that he does not give a shit about his DC, and is only interested in controlling you from afar.

Lock down you social media.

It actually does you a favour if he brings this up in court. He is proving that he is trying to control your life and not doing himself any favours.

I would simply respond with a “if you feel that it is a significant enough concern please do raise it with the court and social services”

both will laugh at him. Your SEN daughter has a pet- a reasonable perfectly run of the mill pet who she describes as her best friend.

out of curiosity (and potential defence) have you found that having the dog has helped your daughter? Is she happier? Better able to manage emotions? More compassionate? Less likely to get poorly? Etc oh look you made a decision which improves your daughters quality of life.

What a prize c*nt he is

So the judge reads a case brought by a man who can only see his daughter in a supervised (by two people) setting, due to a DV history. And finds that he's lodged a concern that the mother can't keep her child safe from a new(ish) dog in the home. Then he turns the page and discovers said dog is a miniature poodle.
I think we can all see his face and hear the laughter.

Thank you everyone, he doesn’t have anyone to represent him (he says he can’t afford it) so basically tries to treat my solicitor like his own - and then I get billed for her to relay these messages to me in a meeting!

The dog has helped her so much - can control and regulate her emotions a lot better, has WAYYYY less meltdowns and frustrations - she really has found a life long friend in him.

I had blocked him and his known friends/relatives etc, but he must be looking from a fake account or someone who I’m not aware of, have made everything private now and encourage immediate family who post pictures of them both to do so too!

thank you for all the support everyone, I really wish he would just get on with his life! X

@saraclara I imagined judge Judy's face when you describe that scenari

Scenario

Well done you on getting away from him and getting your daughter a fab pet which will increase both of yous’ well being!

He is just clutching at straws to control you any. court will recognise it for what it is.

Perhsps Shut down your social media for a while. I love fb but had to come off it for 3 years as my ex kept trying to use it against me. Xx