To think that my ex and the court can’t control this?

[EW1995]

My ex stopped seeing our child a year ago - there has been a no contact court order in place due to severity of domestic abuse etc.

He has just started seeing her in a highly supervised contact centre setting (2 people supervising the whole time).

8 months ago we got a dog, which is a much loved member of our family, everything has been relatively straight forward and no concerns etc.

DD has mentioned her new ‘best friend’ (as she calls the dog!) to her dad, as an excited child would do, and her dad has now responded by calling my solicitor saying that he wants to raise a concern to the court - he doesn’t want DD living with a dog because he doesn’t feel that I have the capacity to care for both of them well enough together or keep DD safe around this dog either 🤨

Ex has never even see me care for a pet, but when we used to have contact, would always tell me I wasn’t allowed to have one - yes in my own home! - so I’m guessing DD telling him this has majorly pissed him off.

Surely there is nothing that he or the court can do to make me get rid of the dog?!

A miniature poodle ... 😂😂Yep, you're definitely an unfit mother, and putting your child in harm's way.

On a more serious note - pay your solicitor to send one more letter to him. Just one. That letter is to detail that the solicitor's office will have no further dealings with him, and in future will correspond directly with his own solicitor.

If he then tries to contact them again, they are to politely tell him that they are not authorised to speak to him directly, and that they will await to hear from his own solicitor.

Why on earth are they even taking his messages? They're your solicitor, not your secretary.

Oh God, don't give it a second thought. It's just another way to exert control. The court are not going to be bothered by a family pet. In my case, the court was bothered by the fact that my ex-h rehomed a dog on the dangerous dogs list and left him alone with DS and lied and said it belonged to somebody else. That's entirely different and a real safety concern. Your situation is not.

Men like this shouldn't be allowed to see their children AT ALL. They just cause chaos.
My ex was exactly like this, constant court summons to complain about what I was doing, in my case having cats!! DS loved our cats and they were helping him with the trauma.
They give up their right to contact when they are violent in my opinion.
Anyway my judge decided to cut all contact because the constant hearings were destroying my mental health and family life with DS - lets hope yours does that.

And for goodness sake put some privacy settings on your facebook and block mutual friends or anyone who is on his facebook page.

A dog has actually proven to aid in emotional regulation with children that have additional needs.

I wouldn’t worry he won’t get anywhere with court the controlling sod.

They would only remove the pet if his claims are legitimate and provable.

Unless the dog has a history of violence, jumpiness or lashing out he cant claim its dangerous, millions of kids have dogs - any dog 'could' be dangerous but if theres no reason to suspect its highly dangerous then nothing can be done.

As for care, they will remove the dog/your daughter if there is obvious abuse (obviously) but also if:

1. your house is infested (rats, cockroches etc... and not treatable or under professional treatment)

2. you dont have working utilities (water, heat, electric, sewerage)

3. you dont have sutible supplies (food, bed, clothing, some toys)

4. there is a bio hazzard risk (feces on floor/wall, mould etc..)

other than the above items then they wont remove your pet/child (unless its a banned breed but you said it isn't).

Agree with other posters - tell your solicitor to stop engaging. If necessary, officially tell her she is no longer your solicitor and that if and when you have a legal issue, yo'll get in touch. That way, your ex will need to formally either instruct a solicitor to write to you or to petition the court, at which point you can get back in touch.

If your solicitor is nice, then tell her to stop taking his calls and only to pass things along that are legally relevant. Him ranting down the phone at her is NOT legally relevant.

congrats on getting away from him. Bit naughty you get charged for messages being passed on - can you not have a word with your solicitor and say ‘what can we do so you don’t pass this crap on and he knows only to pass relevant messages’? He’s trying it on.

You can instruct your solicitor not to accept any calls from him and to either forward (without reading) any emails or letters, or simply ignore them (whichever you prefer). If he wants to take it Court then you would receive the application and can take it from there. He is clearly an abusive fool and you should not be paying a penny to entertain his nonsense.

What kind of arsehole can only see his own child in a specialist centre with two people present??? Not someone whose opinion I'm much interested in and I doubt he get much traction.

Can we see a pic of your doggy? If it wouldn't be too outing.

😂!

I'm the first to say that young children and dogs aren't a good mix and you have to be super-careful and ensure they are properly supervised regardless of breed (which I'm sure you're doing).

But a miniature poodle! They don't feature heavily in the news as vicious attackers of small children, do they 🙄?!

It sounds like a desperate attempt to exert control over you, what a horrible man. Congratulations for getting away. I literally do know how hard it is.

With regards to your lovely dog, have you thought about assistance training? A lady local to me has done this with their dog for her son, and now has a charity to train dogs and place with families. She uses this company: www.temperamentdogs.co.uk/ourcourses

On Fb have a look at Together Anything is Pawsible.

As a dog owner, we have 2 dogs, they've been nothing but positive for my own dc's.

Op as long as you are aware of the dangers of young children and dogs together and have an understanding of good training techniques that recognise dog body language, cue and signals and your daughter understands that the dog is not a toy, not to grab it round the neck etc etc (I'm sure you do, but that's what court would want to know, were it to come to that, which it won't) then he had not a leg to stand on and as pp have said, lock down your SM, and let him crack on because he will end up looking like a prize idiot or worse the court will take a dim view of his continued abusive behaviour. Enjoy your pooch!!

LOL at minature poodle. If it was a staffie, he might have had a chance....not with a poodle. Lovely, sweet natured, intelligent dogs. Any googling will show you that. Courts will tell him to do one. Don't worry.

just to say, if he's the violent type, make sure your dog isn't left unsupervised in your front garden or your back garden if he is able to get access easily. And vary the time of day you go out for walks - don't be predictable. You don't want to give him a chance to solve your dog 'problem' for you.

My ex tried to pull the same stunt
he only chased me for contact as he got legal aid-from his point of view it was ‘free’ and he didn’t want the contact-he just wanted the control
he tried to have a say in every little thing I did (and kept dragging me back to court) until he got bored of the boring parts of childcare and I think it cramped his style with his new girlfriend (poor cow)
anyway we ended back at court (he didn’t bother showing up for the millionth time) so the courts said they where cutting his ‘rights’ and he could take me back to court for them but he didn’t qualify for legal aid so he didn’t bother

all fine for the next 8 years-no contact at all

i then got the chance to take them away on holiday and he got wind of this-‘that bitch isn’t taking my kids out of the country!’ (He went away at least 3 times a year-it won’t surprise anyone to learn he didn’t pay for them)
he somehow got legal aid (god knows how) and took me back to court
he looked a right cock when we got there and he was told that we didn’t even have passports!
the holiday was one in a cheap caravan next to the beach-the judge laughed him out of court and told him that I could take my children where I liked and it had fuck all to do with him
the look on his face when the judge called him ‘a time waster’ ‘don’t bother the courts again with this nonsense’ and that we where ‘to enjoy ourselves’ had to be seen to be believed

he did try to raise his head up a few more times over the years (like when we moved house and when they moved up to secondary school etc) but he didn’t take us back to court as he knew he’d just make a tit of himself

its all about the power-I can’t see a judge being bothered by a child’s ‘best friend’

he'd be laughed out of court

Op even if you get a threatening letter from his solicitor just ignore it. He has used a phone call to not leave a hilarious paper trail of his batshittery.. My exh had his solicitor send me a long strongly worded one insisting I remove my new blinds as they prevented exh seeing inside my home now.
Mm exactly you fucking weirdo peeping in!!
I also shut the back door on his foot a she was using it to keep me from shutting it!! He tried to have me charged with assault as he claimed I had scratched his face trying to shut the door. I openly admitted if I had been meaning to assault him I would have used a pan.... No charges..

Tell your solicitor you don't want to hear about it and he's not to respond to any messages or correspondence from twat ex

YABU in that he has succeeded in planting anxiety in your mind - but I totally understand your worries.
However, be reassured that the presence of a tiny dog, whom your dd has bonded with, will only be seen as a positive thing in the eyes of social services or the courts.
DO NOT RESPOND to this moron!

You need to tell your solicitor that he is not to pass messages on via her-how the hell is this happening and you’re being billed?! That’s insane.

Tell your dd the dog is a therapy dog for her. He’ll get nowhere trying to control you having a very normal pet.

He sounds like a knob.

You sound fabulous.

Social media lock down sounds like a good suggestion - if only because it will irritate him.

You should also but I’m writing to your solicitor that you will not be paying bills generated by the knob, for his queries.

💖

The judge will laugh him put of court. Also tell your DC not to talk to him about anything at home.

Yes and I would not be paying for this!

I'm so sorry but this made me laugh out loud on the train. After reading about your ex concerns I was expecting something a bit bigger and fiercer. He can't take your dog lovely just ignore him x