Feel like such an ugly woman

[NotaTorie]

I feel so ugly and don’t know how to fix myself.

I am 40, overweight and with acne. I have cellulite all over my legs. Bad posture and yellow teeth. One breast is significantly bigger than the other. I have a prominent tummy. My nails constantly break. My skin is blotchy all over with little spider veins on my leg.

I just live in jeans and oversized shirts and feel I look so messy. I straighten my hair everyday but it still looks kinky and horrible (although better than if I just left it).

How do I fix myself? I got an expensive gym membership in January and just never go. I want to kick myself for spending so much money (£100 a month) and have only been about 10 times. Honestly this keeps me up at night when I think of the time wasted.

I feel so uncomfortable at work and just wish I could hide. All my clothes are horrible and I just look awful.

I eat sugar ever day and just can’t stop.

How do I fix this? My life is one big mess. I promise myself that tomorrow will be the day. I’ll get up and go to the gym
before work but I never do. And then I feel guilty and eat sugar and say tomorrow will be different.

typo - I’m actually 30, 31 next month.

It's cheesy but what made me change was 'choose your hard' feeling shit about yourself is hard, going to the gym and changing your diet is also hard! Choose which one you want.

I love that idea! I’m going to truly say that to myself tomorrow when I don’t want to get up at 6 and tell myself I’ll go after work when I never do

If you genuinely have time, going to the gym becomes addictive. You’ll have horrible days, but the good days make you feel so powerful, so pumped and just like you’re winning at life.

it takes 6 weeks to make something a habit. Six weeks going to the gym is do-able!

if you can’t get up at 6am I advise put your alarm on full volume on the other side of the room. You’ll have to get up to turn it off. Once you’re up don’t let yourself go back to bed!

You sound so much like me, I’m half wondering if I wrote this and forgot.

can I suggest Skin+me for your skin? It has helped me a lot with acne.

Invest in some bha and aha for you skin, drink more water, reduce sugar slowly and swap for a healthy sweet alternative, meal prep so you've got your healthy dinner ready.

Go to the GP about the acne, and get them to run full bloods. Buy some nail strengthening varnish. And can you afford to get your teeth whitened? if not I have found sensodyne gentle whitening to be good. When was the last time you had a haircut?

Also if you don't make some changes re gym and eating better, time will still go past. So in 6 months you could have made so much difference, but if you do nothing you'll just be in the same place you are now but just six months down the road.

Oh and for posture, the more you workout/the more weight you lose the better your posture will get.

Don’t waste your life feeling like this, there is NO NEED!

im attractive… because…

i smile
i walk 10,000 steps a day
i whiten my teeth
i use acne products (accutane in past)
I wear beautiful clothes that suit me
i go out, all the time. I people watch, I love going to gigs, movies, theatre, makes me feel alive
once a week I lightly fake tan, mask and hair mask

im 52, and not overdone or high maintenance looking, just average. But all I do makes me FEEL good

and wear yummy perfume xxx

thank you all SO much, I needed to read that and just feel like it’s possible

If I can be bossy, I think you should look at each aspect of your appearance you’re not happy with and work out what to do to make you happier with it.

For me, I’m planning to whiten my teeth. I’m trialling fake tans to cover up the thread veins. I’m googling to see what exercises will help posture. I want to get a book to help me quit sugar.

What about trying the personal shopper service at John Lewis to get you out of a rut?

Start a calorie controlled diet, once you start seeing results you will start thinking about the gym. For now just getting more steps in will help. I’ve lost 2 stone and didn’t do any hard core exercise. Just moving and burning more calories all helps

ask your gp to run your bloods- do you have a hormonal imbalance? I’m saying this because of the lack of motivation and bad skin. Maybe you’re depressed that’s why you have no motivation? Speak to your Gp.
also be kind to yourself, you’re worthy.

Start off with one thing - give up sugar and processed food.
There's a podcast that someone linked to here. Really worth listening to.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0017tcx

When you're eating real food and drinking mainly water, you'll feel different and be able to make further changes.

I’m a sugar addict too.
what I find helpful is:

Eat an apple to fill you up a bit before you eat anything sugary. (Eat lots of apples per day).

Just before settling down with a sugary snack, and while you’re chewing the apple, remove half of the sugary snack, put it in the bin and pour salt on it

Don’t have sugar in the house. If anyone else does, ask them to lock it in their car/room/shed, whatever.

Instead of the gym, if you really can’t face it, walk to work every day, or at least part of the way (get off the bus early etc). Walk briskly, maybe while listening to music.

Teeth whitening - maybe use your gym money for that!

I eat sugar ever day and just can’t stop.

Yes you can. Stop buying it. The first few days will be difficult, but you will lose the craving after a while.

Do you like the gym?

I ditched the gym & cycle & run outdoors instead, find that sooo much more enjoyable

Get the Audible app. Go for an hour long walk every day, listening to a brilliant book. Use your gym money to fund it (you'll have lots left over)

You'll get slimmer, fitter, your posture will improve, and you'll have interesting things to talk to people about, from the books.

Do it right now. Get some comfy shoes on, and walk for an hour before bed. It's lovely out. You'll feel miles better.

Also, the sugar problem starts at the shop. Curb it there, not when it's a battle to stay out of the snack drawer. Hardly anybody wins the battle with the snack drawer. Empty the snack drawer into a public bin whilst you're on your walk ;)

Lots of great advice here. OP Can you ask your GP for full bloods? It's worth checking if it's all ok, especially with the sugar cravings. Also if you are on a lot of sugar maybe reduce your carbs.

Instead of the expensive gym, can you attend local community group classes that you enjoy? You could do dance, swimming, crafts or something fun to help lift your mood.

Though everyone is different I found increasing protein (animal ) eradicated all my sugar cravings, almost immediately.
Worth a try.

I think you need to realise nothing changes overnight and some of those things really only surgury can fix.

I'd start by looking at what you can fix without surgury and things other people see. Nobody will know about your cellulite or wonky boobs. But you can't hide being overweight. You can lose weight, it won't be easy but you can.

Getting your teeth whitened and visiting a salon and having your hair done will boost your confidence. I tend to eat badly and take less care of myself when I'm down on my appearance, because a diet feels like a drop in ocean and wearing nice clothes feels like polishing a turd. This is a horrible rut to get in to, when you start spending time on yourself and feeling better about how you look it will likely motivate you to keep on at it. It will also improve your mood which will work wonders. Wear things you feel nice in. A very subtle fake tan may give you a glow and even out patchy skin tones. For your acne you should see a gp but having skincare that is a routine is really confidence boosting. Hydrating mask once or twice a week. A good gentle cleaner for mornings. I use tretinoin, but with trial and error you will find products that suit you. Wear something you feel nice in. Add a flick of mascara in the morning.

Set realistic goals, it can't be changed overnight but in a years time do you want to be still the same, but guilty you didn't use that gym membership? Wishing you had just started instead of promising you would. You can do it.

Do you like the gym? go walking for miles - good for the soul and you will soon see the benefits

Not so long ago I decided that I would start doing yoga every day as I was feeling a bit stiff. I did it the first course of days but then I fought myself pushing it back and doing other things instead. Like emptying the dishwasher.

After about a week I realised that it was because I don't prioritise myself over the other people in my family. I didn't think that I should have twenty minutes to do something that I needed to do for myself when I could be doing something for the family.

That all sounds quite overwhelming, OP.

If you can do one thing I’d suggest improving your diet. You don’t give details but it doesn’t sound as if you’re getting your full quota of fruit and vegetables every day or avoiding processed food?

You need a weekly veg box. (Ideally organic but whatever you can manage.)

And to cut out almost all processed food and white carbs. If you do that you’ll have much more appetite for two or three times as much veg as you previously ate. I can promise you that this alone will help you to feel better physically. Try it for three months and see.

Don't beat yourself up about the gym because you can't outrun a bad diet. I suspect that if you shifted your focus to nutritious healthy foods then you'd feel better any way.

How about cancelling the gym and channelling that money into some dental work and an appointment with a beautician to give you some skin care advice?