Feel like such an ugly woman

[NotaTorie]

I feel so ugly and don’t know how to fix myself.

I am 40, overweight and with acne. I have cellulite all over my legs. Bad posture and yellow teeth. One breast is significantly bigger than the other. I have a prominent tummy. My nails constantly break. My skin is blotchy all over with little spider veins on my leg.

I just live in jeans and oversized shirts and feel I look so messy. I straighten my hair everyday but it still looks kinky and horrible (although better than if I just left it).

How do I fix myself? I got an expensive gym membership in January and just never go. I want to kick myself for spending so much money (£100 a month) and have only been about 10 times. Honestly this keeps me up at night when I think of the time wasted.

I feel so uncomfortable at work and just wish I could hide. All my clothes are horrible and I just look awful.

I eat sugar ever day and just can’t stop.

How do I fix this? My life is one big mess. I promise myself that tomorrow will be the day. I’ll get up and go to the gym
before work but I never do. And then I feel guilty and eat sugar and say tomorrow will be different.

Sorry to hear this OP, but well done for writing this and admitting you want to change.

I could have written this at the start of covid, being furloughed and having a big birthday kicked started me into gear.

I can really recommend Slimming World, some would disagree but the weekly group made me work hard at my diet, and group felt like I was grassing myself up. I bought a fitbit at the start of this year, keep track of those steps, make it a competition with yourself.

As for acne, this can really be diet related but I did alot of research into the brand the ordinary - it’s cheap and fab, as long as you stick to a routine and keep going!

Can highly recommend teeth whitening, aim to go to a clinic with a course of every 3 months.

As for your nails, find a good nail tech every two weeks who offers builder gel by the gel bottle, your nails will soon grow and you can change colour every two weeks.

Wishing you lots of luck - chin up! xx

Reckon Volumiser. Use it after the shower for smooth hair. Put front sections in rollers overnight if you cba and it makes your hair lovely. I got one recently and everyone keeps thinking I've been to the salon.

Crest White Strips are great - a week will take the yellow right down on your teeth.

Oh and what helps me when I'm being mean to myself.

Look at a picture of yourself when you were little. You're being nasty to HER. You're being down on HER. She doesn't deserve that... and neither do you.

Revlon* not reckon

At 30 you're still very young. All can be fixed definitely 😉

Just takes motivation and do little by little. Apparently Brazilian blow drys are good, I recommend OlaPlex treatments for hair, makes it much easier to handle, hair straighteners every day might be hurting your hair.

I use Aveeno on my face and it is brilliant.

Getting into walking is so good for everything, head and body health and posture is not too difficult to fix, just takes awareness.

Changing how you feel about yourself in spite of makeover is harder though. Recommend healthy eating, fresh air and plenty of good socialising as a starter. Oh and a wardrobe of clothes you are happy with.

Firstly I think you have to realise that you are your own worst critic (most of us are) and that your view of yourself probably isn't as bad as reality.

Try get a few quick wins which will help:-

Dentist appointment - will immediately improve your teeth & give you a plan going forward

Nails - Sally Handen nail strengthener really improved mine after years of uninterrupted Shellac.

Ance - I have shit skin. Very normally. It will never be fabulous but 2 things really improved it - lavender oil every morning and night and also pixie tonic. A lot of people swear by Paula's choice but it was too strong for my skin.

Posture - practice walking across the room with a book balanced on your head. I had posture problems as a child and my mum make me to this all the time. It's a quick fix

Boobs - no matter what they are like. Good, rightly sized underwear helps hugely - get a bra fitting.

All of the above can be done pretty quickly and you will see some of the results immediately in some and within weeks for others.

Re weight - two options. Dressing for your shape, whatever it's like will help. Alternatively, if you plan on changing it, save the money until you are at a size you want.

Mindset - you need to start on the positives. Start with 3 things you like and then add to it as you improve the others. You need to break the negative thinking cycle.

Threads like this make me proud to be part of this supportive community.
Thank you

I agree with other PP, it’s very over whelming that list so no wonder your are feeling down.

i would ignore the weight loss etc for now. Definitely go to the doctors and get a full blood test done with hormones. Focus on eating better and it should help with your skin, tiredness, brittle nails and general how you feel. Once you feel like you have more energy, pick another thing on list.

@TheWayoftheLeaf that hit me hard!

@NotaTorie I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this. I’m sure that you are not as awful as you think you are, we are our own worst enemies!
I am in need of an overhaul if you want a buddy? No pressure.

Firstly op please apply the same compassion to yourself that you would give to a friend.
Would you call her ugly -NO !

I found focusing on improving my health took away all the negativity, improved my MH and view of myself.
Step away from SM -its all fake.
I loved the " choose your hard" thing above
All the best

This is a really lovely thread. Great ideas ladies!

I love swimming outdoors op. It gets some vitamin d in you, stops aches & pains, burns calories, it's great for mental health & gives you a tan too 🏊🏻‍♀️😊

I really would cancel your gym membership and use that money to buy healthy food like seeds and nuts. Pumpkin seeds are so moorish. Snack on almonds and walnuts.

Stop buying anything sweet so you are not tempted to eat it. Try to reduce carbs. Eat protein and good fats instead.

Try to build in exercise in to your daily routine. Park the car further away, get off the bus or train earlier and walk. Use the stairs instead of the lifts. Do weights while you are watching tv or waiting for the kettle to boil etc.

Going to the gym before or after work isn't going to happen so stop beating yourself up about it and getting more and more depressed and then doing nothing.

Also, put your favourite music on at home and dance.

Definitely speak to your GP about your acne - not sure if yours is cystic or not but a couple of months antibiotics will break the back of it while you are cutting down on your sugar (sugar gives me BAD flare ups but sometimes I just get big hormonal break outs and when it gets too bad I have to get antibiotics for it, I know they aren't great for you long term but better than being too embarrassed to leave the house/have a sore face).

Sounds like you need some extra vitamins too from the nails, so get yourself a decent multivitamin and take it - regularly. Make sure it's got decent iron content - my hair is so much better now I'm taking my iron regularly.

Other than that take the advice to get out walking - aim for an hour a day until you can force yourself to the gym. Get some podcasts downloaded (I like something to make me laugh - Alan Carr, Rob Brydon) or just some really upbeat music - there are some good playlists on spotify that you don't need to pay for.

Believe that you can do this, but you need to take it a bit at a time - trying to tackle everything at once is going to feel overwhelming and you're more likely to slip back to square one.

You can do it, you really can x

Your list is waaay too long - no wonder you’re overwhelmed! If you’re beating yourself up about everything, it’s far easier to throw your hands up and do nothing at all - you’re telling yourself you’re defeated before you even begin.

Maybe start with small, manageable goals - an hour at the gym, a day without sugar - and try to be positive and proud of yourself when you achieve them.

Loads of great suggestions here of little things you can do to give yourself a confidence boost, and when you’re feeling better about the small stuff you’ll probably find you have the mindset to tackle the tougher goals.But break it down a bit, one thing at a time. (And some things will have a knock on effect on everything else - cutting down on sugar will help with your weight and your skin and your teeth.) But it all takes time and perseverance, so be kind to yourself

There are loads of videos on YouTube showing people’s weight and fitness transformations, and lots of them will have started in much worse shape than you, so that might help with focus and motivation?

Good luck. You can do it!

These things are always hard in the beginning but small steps are still steps.

I recently lost some weight and made a promise to myself that I would prioritise self-care as I was starting to neglect time for me.

• 80% of weight is down to diet not exercise. Diet to lose weight, exercise to gain strength and health
• reduce processed carbs and sugar, increase protein significantly in order to stave cravings
• high (good) fats stave hunger and are less processed; olive oil, Greek yoghurt, nuts, dark chocolate with high cocoa content
• fermented foods are good for your gut; kefir, kombucha and can improve your skin significantly
• time restricted eating can help and is relatively popular now
• quit the alcohol and if you fancy one then alcohol free options of white spirits are pretty good swaps

Good luck, I would recommend the fast 800 which gives more detail on the outline above.

Look after yourself, buy some nice skincare products that you like and make sure you keep to a routine, consistency helps.

Where do you get the crest white strips from ? I've only ever got them when I've been in America

Different to everyone else but cancel the gym membership and spend the money on therapy to work on how you feel about yourself. When you feel more confident in yourself you are more able to work on those things.

Ok you are not going to the gym, fair enough do they have a swimming pool could you try that

Right clothes I go to charity shops out of my town, I go to Stratford upon avon because people there have money and the charity shops have designer cloths really cheap so this will give you a boast .

Go to the hairdresser and take in pics of what colour and cut you want they will advice you.

Forget the gym if it is not for you, go for a walk every day.

As for the diet I am bad for sugar etc but take the advice of previous pps.

One step at a time, hair, designer clothes and love you for being you xx

Where are the positives op? It can't be all bad. Do any exercise that makes you feel better - personally i hate the gym so i tend to cycle / walk / do fitness classes. I bad to give up sugar due to an intolerance but i have found that the weight does stay off if you just remove carbs and sugar. I get an allplants delivery which helps and have popcorn, nuts, salted crisps so. I dont feel like im missing out. I also have a haircut religiously every 5 weeks and buy a few well fitting wardrobe staples with each change of season so im not squeezing into last year's clothes and feeling horrible. Do things that make you feel good and really focus on why it feels good. Also hypnotherapy is brilliant for emotional eating, addiction and self confidence. All the best op

Oh, also meant to say, there’s one thing on your list that’s a quick and easy fix that will make a massive difference, and that’s posture. Standing tall with good alignment and a stable core affects everything - it’ll help your stomach muscles, improve digestion, make you look and feel like you’ve lost a couple of pounds effortlessly.

Pilates really helps with this and there are plenty of free classes online. It may feel unnatural or awkward at first, but if you make a conscious effort to correct your posture and stick with it, eventually it’ll become second nature.

I am 40!

So, as above, choose your hard. Do one thing. 6 weeks is do-able.

You're 30. A few changes and you CAN feel better. With each change it gets easier. You've got 10 years on me so enjoy being 30 and all the benefits...you can do this. So go for it.

And I can guarantee you're not ugly.

Skin - go to your GP and ask to be referred. I waited another 20 years beyond your age and in 10 days my skin was transformed!!