Feel like such an ugly woman

[NotaTorie]

I feel so ugly and don’t know how to fix myself.

I am 40, overweight and with acne. I have cellulite all over my legs. Bad posture and yellow teeth. One breast is significantly bigger than the other. I have a prominent tummy. My nails constantly break. My skin is blotchy all over with little spider veins on my leg.

I just live in jeans and oversized shirts and feel I look so messy. I straighten my hair everyday but it still looks kinky and horrible (although better than if I just left it).

How do I fix myself? I got an expensive gym membership in January and just never go. I want to kick myself for spending so much money (£100 a month) and have only been about 10 times. Honestly this keeps me up at night when I think of the time wasted.

I feel so uncomfortable at work and just wish I could hide. All my clothes are horrible and I just look awful.

I eat sugar ever day and just can’t stop.

How do I fix this? My life is one big mess. I promise myself that tomorrow will be the day. I’ll get up and go to the gym
before work but I never do. And then I feel guilty and eat sugar and say tomorrow will be different.

I would say try and focus on just one thing at a time. What you’ve written is a lot, and will almost seem impossible to tackle. So break it down into small, but achievable things, for example, if you always have sugar in tea or coffee, cut it out of just one cup a day. You'll feel good that you did it, and motivated to cut it out of two cups a day. Or, don't think about going to the gym when your 6am alarm goes off, just think "I just need to get out of bed", and do it immediately, the rest will follow. Bite-size chunks makes things so much easier to achieve. Good luck OP, you can do it!

Self care has a lot to answer for.. I am overweight but feel when I have a tan I look alot healthier and slimmer.
Fake tanning/tinted moisturiser every other night or using the sunbed occasionally (I will get blasted for this on Mumsnet but you don't need to hammer them) just get a base tan

Crest whitening strips for your teeth.

Extra padding in your smaller cup

Biab gel for your nails.

Face and hair masks once or twice a week

Instead of forcing yourself to the gym why don't you do a class that you like instead?? Or do swimming instead and also use the sauna great for your skin

Loads of water

If you really look at your decision making based on your op, it’s terrible. These are the main facts:

• you (apparently) are fat but don’t choose to go to the gym


• you feel fat and shit, but choose to eat sugar.

literally stop making shit choices for yourself. Stop the yo-yo emotional stuff and literally choose better for yourself, because it’s what you want. Choose the gun, choose healthy foods, choose to not treat yourself like shit and therefore feel like shit. Harsh but it’s the reality! Good luck x

Start with your diet first, loose a bit then you will have more energy for the gym. Your skin will also improve. One thing at a time, but only you can decide when you're ready.

Choose the GYM not the gun 😂 sorry on my phone!

…self care starts with basics & ends with fake tan. Fake tan won’t improve your health either! Just choose better for yourself and insist on it X

I feel a bit like this sometimes. It comes from a place of hating yourself. You overeat and SLP about and lack motivation and don't do your make up or get your hair cut or a good bra... Because you don't deserve it. Because you hate yourself. Because you feel low and it's not worth it. Actually, that's all superficial. Start within. Appreciate your good qualities - are you helpful, kind, a good listener, a good friend, good at being creative etc. Tell yourself you are worthy and you deserve to love yourself. Out of anyone in the world, your love of yourself is the most important thing and gift you have. Then all the outer stuff comes from wanting to take care and appreciate yourself naturally following. Bit mumbo jumbo, but I hope you get the gist :)

Going to the gym is kinda depressing. Perfect time of year to start taking a long walk every morning and/or evening (when it's cooler). Start walking lots and the weight will start to fall off

Maybe it's feeling so difficult because there's so many things you've listed and it feels overwhelming - what about picking 3 things an focusing on those - the ones that are most important like diet etc. Good luck. You can change these things x

Have a look at Dr William Lee and Dr Michael Greger great podcasts and health information, knowledge is power , go for it! You can do anything start tomorrow and in 4 weeks you will feel different!! Also positive thinking works wonders!😀

You know you're not ugly, you just need to take care of yourself a bit more to feel better.

How about doing couch to 5k? It's completely free and is a sure fire way to get your fitness levels up in just a few weeks. It gives you a goal and something to aim for.

Exercising might encourage you to eat better.

Once you're eating better and getting fitter your skin and hair will probably improve. It sounds cheesy but you could treat yourself to some nice nail polish or clothes for reaching your goals.

I'm not surprised you haven't been going to the gym. It just isn't enjoyable for most people. Try and find some exercise which you do enjoy, be it yoga, hiking or dancing. Lots of people on here love Yoga With Adrienne - it's free and she has lots of short 5/10 minute videos for when you're pushed for time.

Read a book called Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. It’s a really good book showing you the simplest way to build good habits (like going to the gym, eating better etc) in a way that you can actually stick to.

All of the things that you’ve said you don’t like are fixable .

I’ve been 30, overweight and addicted to food. I’m now 35 and super fit and healthy and this is what I learned:

First of all, diet. You have to go a period without sugar to stop craving it. Whenever you say yes to the sugar, your cravings come back and you start again. You don’t need any sugar, other things taste nice too. Eat real food only and plan tasty meals with nutritious food. Learn to eat less, listen to your body and stop when you are full. This takes practise and willpower. I like eating junk food, but I also like healthy food AND I like looking and feeling good. When I eat junk food, I feel lethargic and bloated. When I eat good food, I’m energetic and my skin looks great.

Next, exercise. I used to be jealous of people who enjoyed exercise. I’ve learned, exercise is only fun once you are actually fit. You have to work really hard and push through it to get to that point. It’s takes a while and it takes determination. Pick something you can do with minimal fuss. For me running was the start. Running, you only need 30mins. Just open your door and run down the street, you don’t need time to travel to a gym, etc. The first km is shit, just keep moving, even if your run is ridiculously slow. By the time you get 2-3km away, you can turn round and you’re on your way back. It’s shit because it’s hard, it’s hard because it’s good for you. Push through. If you keep at it consistently, at some point, you will realise it’s become easier and more enjoyable. At some point after that you’ll realise you like exercise and want to do it all the time. At some point, you’ll naturally want to eat foods that make you perform better, By that point, your body will look totally different.

A healthier diet will improve your weight, skin and nails. Exercise and being outside will improve your posture and your skin. Losing weight helps cellulite massively. Spend your £100 a month gym membership on a dentist, dermatologist, new clothes and hairdresser if it will make you feel better.

Only you can fix this OP, so make the decision that you are worth the effort.

I would focus on diet at first. Eating healthier is going to improve your skin, hair, nails, weight, cellulite and energy levels (which will give you more motivation for the gym). I am a sugar junkie as well so I completely get it. You just have to not buy it! Don't buy it, don't have it in the house, don't get it as a snack while you're out. If you don't physically have chocolate/sweets/ice cream etc then you can't eat it. I've been known to bake brownies at 10pm when I've purposefully not bought sugary crap so I know the struggle😂so I'd advise you not to even have the ingredients for sweet treats in the house.

Once you can see changes in yourself, you can start to do a bit of tlc on your appearance. Do something about whitening your teeth. If you can't afford to have them professionally whitened then try a decent whitening toothpaste. Colgate max white has helped mine a lot. Spend some time on Google finding out your body shape and what works for you. The right clothes can work wonders for accentuating the bits you want to show off and hiding the bits you don't. It's also worth looking into seasons to find out what colours suit you. You can get body shape and colour season analysis done professionally but you can also just try things on in shops and go by trial and error. Bring an honest friend.

With regards to exercise, I've heard so many people talk about "going to the gym" and how they can never be bothered and waste so much money on a membership that doesn't get used. But the problem is that when they do make it to the gym they go on the cross trainer for a bit, maybe 20 mins on the bike, go on the treadmill etc. They don't really know what they are doing at the gym and they haven't found the exercise that they enjoy. My best advice is to try a bit of everything, go to the classes, go for a walk, try couch 2 5k, try swimming, have a proper gym induction where you talk to a PT and they show you how to use the equipment properly etc etc. Try everything until you find the exercise that you love, the exercise that you want to keep doing. I hate the cross trainer but love the rowing machine. I don't like spin class but I love zumba. Not a fan of the treadmill but I enjoy a run outdoors. I don't like using weights but I get on well with pilates. If you aren't enjoying the exercise you are doing then you will not have any motivation to keep doing it. Find the right exercise for you.

I'm 30 and a few years ago I was stuck in a rut with clothes/diet/exercise. I'm not going to lie I could do with losing a stone, manage to demolish a tub of Ben and Jerry's every now and again and I sometimes cba and just wear joggers and a tshirt. Buuuut I have a wardrobe full of clothes that suit me, I eat a lot better than I used to and I go to the gym 4-6 times a week. I feel so much better in myself and have a lot more confidence these days. You can 100% do this!

I'm going to go against the flow and say go to the gym. You've paid for it, so at some level, you know you're worth it. After a couple of sessions, you'll feel so much better - especially if you shower there with some special 'going to the gym' shower gel, dry your hair so it's clean and fresh/put it into a protective style beforehand so you don't have to worry about spending a long time drying it, and make sure you have something to eat that makes you feel genuinely good afterwards. It's also a good way to get into drinking more water, as whilst getting a glass of water might not come to mind normally, filling up a bottle at the gym and drinking regularly is automatic.

It gives you time for you. To put yourself first. It can be calming, good stress relief, gets you to think about your body doing good things and will enhance your posture almost immediately.

It is possible that doing this will then lead you on to making other changes that also make you feel better. But it starts with giving yourself the gift of time for you - just for you.

The gym is a really boring, daunting and unmotivating place to go for somebody who’s not already into it. There’s so much else you could try.

Have you looked into local pole fitness classes? These are great for boosting confidence, and plenty of overweight women go. There’s also swimming, dancing, rock climbing, nordic walking, martial arts, cycling. You won’t stick to it if you’re not enjoying it!

As for dieting, I’d advise cutting junk out before cutting calories. So cut out all the sugar but eat as much fresh food as you like. You may even need to binge on the healthy food for the first few days while you kick that addiction! Don’t ever be scared of food.

If you have a look on vinted you could get a load of nice clothes very cheaply. I was overweight until last year and I refused to buy myself nice clothes because ‘what’s the point of spending all that money when I’ll just look like a fat blob in whatever I buy?’, but then I found loads of nice jumpsuits and dresses on vinted for about £8 each and they boosted my confidence and motivation SO much.

Take vitamins every day, especially vit d, b12 and folic acid. Your skin will probably clear up a lot once you cut out sugar, then you’ll know what you’re really dealing with.

The most important thing is don’t try to be perfect, don’t take on too much. That’s how people stay trapped in this cycle for years, because they go all in then crash and burn and give up. Good luck!

For the acne try Clinique's 3 steps (get sb to advise what no. to get because it makes a huge difference). Get green clay, the cheap kind you mix with water (instead of buying an atual face mask just get the pure clay), and do that once a week. Coconut oil really helps too so use that to remove makeup and as a moisturiser in the evening if you're showering in the morning.
For the yellow teeth: MAC Ruby Woo (it's a blue red so it hides the yellow and it makes teeth look super white, it's my favourite for whiter teeth, MAC Pink Plaid has the same effect but it's a pinky nude and it might not suit your skin tone unlike the Ruby Woo which I think is just flattering on everyone).
I've forgotten how many times I've joined a gym and then not went... Look for sb to help you with your diet, a nutritionist who can give you some tips and work out with you what you should eat and what you should avoid. I think it's easier to have sb tell you eat this, this and that for breakfast, then eat this and that for lunch, etc, instead of sb saying lay off the sugar. I prefer a meal plan with options instead of going to the supermarket and trying to decide on the spot what I want or should want.
OP, your life isn't a mess! We've all been there, don't compare your life to others. You never know what's going on behind 4 walls.
P.S. Take a picture of your body (minus the head obviously) and start a new thread asking for advice on clothes. There are lots of people with great advice and with a really good eye.
BTW there's nothing wrong with jeans! You can dress them up with comfy wedges and a nice top, don't dismiss jeans!

I love this ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Cancel the gym. Nobody needs the feeling of guilt by not using something they’ve paid for. One step at a time. There are lots of good tips here. Be gentle with yourself-you’ll get there.

Sorry you feel this way @NotaTorie I can definitely relate to feeling 'everything' is wrong/inadequate.

As others have said, it's important to focus attention on positives and not get caught in beating yourself up and looking for things to criticise. The positives do definitely exist, so if you're struggling to find them that is a reflection of your emotional state at the moment and may indicate that you should seek some support in order to get some perspective on what is 'real' (we all have imperfections) and what is being hard on yourself.

I think you've had some good advice on potential changes you can make if you wish to do so.

I'll add that I find eating sugar early in the day means I will 100% crave it again, whereas if I promise myself that I will only have a small treat later on (e.g. after a specific time or meal) I generally find I can happily skip it that day (although you may prefer to opt for no sugary stuff in the home).

If you are not satisfied with your own hair styling I do think a salon visit is a good place to start, especially as a treat to yourself and form of self-care. In terms of ongoing maintenance, understanding your hair type is key (and I don't just mean curly or straight). I spent many years researching products/tools/techniques and always opted for things that had lots of fabulous reviews, but would end up with bad results. It turned out that I have protein-sensitive hair, so other people's HG choices left my hair a frizzy, dry mess (despite the claims of smoothing/moisturising). Normal (even very expensive) straighteners leave my hair sounding like yours, so I use steam straighteners that have a built-in comb attachment - I finally get straight hair if I want it!

In regards to the gym/exercise, some people find they need to push past that initial 'wall' of not enjoying it and it then becomes addictive, but for others it will never suit. How did you find it those 10 times? If you really disliked it then giving up the membership may be best and you could instead opt for exercises you can do in the home or going for walks, bike rides, etc. Finding an option that feels more comfortable and enjoyable will encourage you to be more active without feeling as though it is a chore. You can then introduce more intensive options if you wish once your stamina has increased.

I know it feels tough but things can improve and you can be happier, so please cut yourself some slack. Good luck with whatever you choose.

I think you should try low carb

So every time you'd fancy something sweet you'd eat high fat, high protein food I. E. Cheese.

It's surprising how easy it is and how good you feel.

Also, drink tons of water. And get outside.

It starts mentally. I think some people forget that. It’s not really about the physical, that’s just a symptom of how you feel about yourself. You are a worthwhile person, and you deserve to treat yourself well.

It started to click for me when I began to realise my worth, and that came through other areas of my life where I took a risk and started to achieve. Realising I CAN do things I’ve always been told I can’t was a huge eye opener. Those things led to wanting to treat myself better. Baby steps.

I think you need a quick win to get you started, so hair ( I like olaplex oil, it’s not a heavy hair oil but makes everything shiny shiny). Get teeth whitened, nails, get a manicure and use strengthening stuff. Focus on nourishing your body rather than starving it. Clarins massage oils do wonders for the appearance of cellulite (I used it on my sausage legs when pregnant and my short chunky cellulite legs looked a bit better when done with a quick lymphatic massage technique - look on google) Try daily short yoga on youtube just so that you start feeling a bit better in your own body and to help with posture.

Some great advice so far. Address your diet first. Replace the sweet packaged foods with healthy natural alternatives.
Dates, nuts , Greek Youghurt with berries and honey or full fat Greek Youghurt with pomegranate drizzle and blueberries.
Drink lots of water and herbal /fruit teas.
Start excercise when you feel your energy levels hade increased.

Begin with short walks, increase the distance just a little every day even if you only walk one lamppost or park bench further.
Cancel the gym membership . Spend it on a blow dry or trim at the salon.
Do you have access to a beauty college with a salon perhaps ?

The thing that really helps me is visualisation. When I go to bed at night I imagine what I will feel like a few pounds lighter. Then in the morning I try and feel like how I want to be. If you think like a healthy person and that you are a healthy person it makes you act like one and stops you going for snacks etc.

Cancel the gym use the spare cash to get your hair cut and coloured regularly. And instead do exercise videos on you tube.

Start eating vegetables and greens. Use them in delicious curry's and soups. This will address skin hair nails weight.

Drink lots water and move around.
My biggest tip is to not wear lazy clothes in the house. Like slippers and pj's. When you get up or home from work put on gym clothes and trainers even if not intending to work out. When I do this I don't slug around the house like I do in my slippers, I bounce and run up the stairs. Then it makes me feel energetic enough to do exercise.

Summer doesn't help. I feel your pain. Start liking yourself and the rest will come. Xxxxx