Nursery teacher thinks DS has autism

[Percythelittletrain]

He’s been there two terms. I had a meeting today and they mentioned that they feel he may have autism or ADHD or both.

His speech is very advanced for his age, as is his understanding, so I didn’t expect autism at all. Obviously it’s just a possibility at the moment.

The reasons she gave were:

• Unable to follow three steps instructions, needs things broken down
• Puts everything into his mouth or rubs on his face (very sensory)
• Struggles with balance using obstacles outside
• Needs routine

He can draw and label pictures and say what he’s drawn. He can recognise most numbers and letters and can write some of them/blend simple words when doing phonics.

She’s going to talk to the SENCO and put some targets together.

Just wondering if anyone has any experience. I feel a bit overwhelmed.

I've read through your posts now and tbh he does sound a lot like myself and my son. Having obsessions etc. Speech and understanding delay are not universal traits. Autistic children can be very sharp and on the ball! It was picked up at my DS's 3yo check that he was highly intelligent. I think you need to educate yourself a bit more on autism as does your MIL!

Spent a fun part of a natural history museum this week with DD correcting peoples pronunciation of various dinosaurs and going onto listing various facts/features/adaptations in her wonderfully dry way 🙈

She did actually have a speech delay at 3. Although one that drove everyone batty because she barely spoke coherently day to day but could say bloody pachycephalosaurus just fine!

Thanks for all the replies.

I guess at this point it’s just a wait and see game.

Do children get a 3 year check? My son hasn’t had one yet and he will be 4 in October.

Tends to be a 2 year check, depending on area.
I would ring HV and tell her what nursery has said and she'll come out

Agree get the HV to come out and do a development check - they can do them outside the standard schedule if there's a concern.

OP at least your nursery said something. We lost nearly a year because DC1s nursery had suspicions of ASD but adopted long a wait and see approach, followed by pussy footing around the actual issue by trying to to get us to involve the HV without ever actually using the word 'autism'. It became clear later that that was what they suspected along. DC1 is now stuck on a very long waiting list and I wish nursery had just been up front about their concerns.

My DS is 15 now so checks may be at different times.

OP its terrifying when this comes up - I have 3 with additonal needs in mainstream school. I completely panicked. Id say go with the flow. The school will pop plan in place with small targets to help him. Just remembered even if he does have asd or adhd it doesnt change him. It's also a huge plus to have things identified early. My kids have a great understanding of themselves and their diagnosis - why they feel the way they do, why they react the way they do, how their conditions affect them and their behaviour etc.

@Hankunamatata How are yours getting on in mainstream school now? If you don’t mind me asking.

Well done that teacher, most don't bother for fear of causing upset or unnecessary paperwork! No harm in going through with an assessment and if I'm honest the sooner the better! Early intervention is absolutely key. Boils my piss when parents ignore key signs and then the child gets to secondary school age and cannot cope and is completely withdrawn. The divide gets bigger as they progress in junior school.. it's always worth having that conversation and getting support in place if need be. I say this as a mother of two boys with autism, the teacher has identified a concern and given examples, please take it on board and look into further.

Get. Him. Checked. ASAP.

While I’m a lady, I spent Thirty three years living my life without knowing I had BOTH autism AND ADHD. While my symptoms were super obvious my whole life (they all resembled just like your son behaves), doctors just told my mother that I was either: a badly behaved girl, or that I had “depression” (so they pumped me with antidepressants at age 13). It was a tough life.

I was so happy that my son’s autism was discovered so early in life, so hubs and I immediately found him speech and occupational therapies when he was a toddler.

Sorry only just saw this.

The EHCP basically states what the desired outcomes/targets are for him and what the staff need to do to help him achieve them.

So one example would be his inability to play and work with and alongside peers, and how to help build these skills.
So they start with just 1-1 adult interaction then when he is comfortable they gradually introduce another child to the scenario, then perhaps 2 children, and try to initiate a group activity and sharing.

The EHCP is a legal document which states exactly what the child needs and what the school must do to support them.

A key-worker is very much like a 1-1, but usually looks after a small group of high needs children.
My son doesn't need a 1-1 glued to his side all day but he does need someone familiar who will oversee everything regarding his personal care, if he becomes overwhelmed, if he just needs a bit of time out etc.
There's a group of 3 children in his class that all have autism and similar needs and his key-worker is kind of like a 1-1 for them all but they share her. It works perfectly because the class has the general TA, and their keyworker is a TA mostly there just for them. She takes them out for small group learning, time in the sensory room, helps them with their lunch etc.

I will follow through what she’s said and get an assessment done, however I took him to a story time session at the library this afternoon and he was one of the only children there to sit and listen, not only that but he also joined in with the actions and answered questions. Other children were breaking off as they got bored and he just carried on listening, then he got a bit fidgety towards the end, but was still very engaged with the lady telling the story and spoke to her at the end about it.
I know that probably doesn’t mean anything, but what I’m trying to say is that his behaviour and actions didn’t stand out to me at all particularly this afternoon.

I'm not going to lie it was bumpy in the early years as mine are close together in age so it was like the perfect storm of everything being thrown at us from.when the oldest was flagged at 4 (by which time we had had 2 more children). Ince we got ehcp plans in place and they can classroom assistants things improved massively as did adhd medication, lots of speech therapy for 1 child and a plethora of parenting courses/classes/groups.
Our eldest has no learning difficulties and is very bright- he needed more help on social front, he is now flying in high school. Other two have specific learning difficulties but are now well supported.

Take everything that comes your way even if you dont think they have any specific issues. I didnt see the asd diagnosis of one of my children as I just thought he was young for his age.

We try to stay postive as a family, accept the differences and sympathise when things get a bit tough because of those differences.

I have spent many years teaching mine empathy and manners as they didnt see it as relevant 🙄🤣

You sound like me OP. I did all this, "he can't be autistic, look at how he's x, y, z!" I tortured myself with it. It was the biggest mistake I've made as a parent not to pursue assessment. It's really clear now he's 7 there is something there and now we're going to have to wait years.

But you said 'he was one of the only children' suggesting his behaviour was different to most children.

@LessonsinGurning I know what you’re saying. But it’s not causing him distress, so I’m confused as to the importance of it.
He seems to be happy/content and has far less anxious behaviours than I had as a child of that age.
Apparently I used to pace up and down at his age wringing my hands and wouldn’t interact with any of the other children much. I just wanted to be at home and my separation anxiety was crippling.

I was just told I had anxiety and left to get on with it.

@UndertheCedartree There were some others still sitting and listening. But surely the ones doing that wouldn’t flag up concerns for a teacher, but the ones getting up and wandering off/trying distracted would?

It's not causing him distress now. As the social demands on him increase, it will - trust me.

I know what you’re saying. But it’s not causing him distress, so I’m confused as to the importance of it.

He's your child, the most important person in your life yeah?
If a nursery worker is bringing up something you follow through.
You wouldn't skip an important hospital appointment for your health would you because it's not causing you any noticeable distress?

There were some others still sitting and listening. But surely the ones doing that wouldn’t flag up concerns for a teacher, but the ones getting up and wandering off/trying distracted would?

No. It doesn't work like that.

So did I have ASD as a child based on my behaviours? It’s all just getting so overwhelming.

I always thought of autism as children/adults who can’t communicate properly and are violent and rocking, displaying repetitive behaviour.

I know Chris Packham has Aspergers so I guess I should be thinking more along those lines.

Well, no because that has nothing to do with Autism. You seem to have a very funny idea of what Autism is. My DS would often be seen sitting quietly concentrating, while the other boys tore around.

Does it upset you, the thought of your DS being Autistic? Because you seem to be trying to convince yourself he isn't. Is it because you have the same traits and see them as 'normal'?

Of course I don’t want him to be autistic. I think it’ll cause him problems in his life and I don’t want that for him.
He’ll never be ‘normal’ like I’ve never felt ‘normal’ either and I’ve struggled all my life as a result.

I don’t know if I’ve got it or not. I think I’ve got some ND traits. But I still went to university, I’ve got a partner, I’ve had other relationships, I’ve obviously now got a child too. I did reasonably well at school and was in top set for most things, but I have suffered with high anxiety and a feeling of not quite fitting in most of my life. But I’m not sure how a diagnosis (if relevant to me) would have changed anything.

So you’ve struggled, and many people are telling you that your son might struggle too.

But you don’t want to take steps that might lead to him having help.

Is that about right?

I always thought of autism as children/adults who can’t communicate properly and are violent and rocking, displaying repetitive behaviour.

---

You need to do some research.

My son can communicate. He isn't violent. And he doesn't rock.

Some autistic people might. It presents in so many different ways.