Aibu to carry on seeing this guy?

[Heelsoverhead]

I've been seeing someone for 4 months now. Not long but it's all gone really fast and we've even talked about moving in together soon. We've met each others families and we get on so well.

We live about a 2 hour drive apart but he's been staying with me nearly every weekend since we met I spent a week off work at his place. We speak on FaceTime most evenings.

He was a little dishonest with me when we first met, he didn't tell me initially that he had a baby., he was honest with me about this once he realised how into each other we were and that things were serious. His dd is 5 months old now but his ex won't let him see the baby. He broke up with her before the baby arrived because he just wasn't in love with her anymore and she was controlling and she's still bitter about it. She lets him see the baby then changes her mind. She sounds like a complete psycho.

Now his ex has actually found me on social media, she's sent me a message telling me that he's still been sleeping with her regularly, that he claims he still loves her and is having unprotected sex with her. She says he's been messing her around and now she's supposed to have found out about me.

I don't know what to believe but my boyfriend said she's a complete liar and that she tries to blackmail him into staying overnight with her to see his dd, he's stayed on her sofa and nothing happened.

I really do love him, he's such a lovely guy he'd do anything for me. I've been looking at transferring my job to his town to move in together.

Hes spinning you a line and you are swallowing it.

I know my ex is telling people I was the pyscho ex, and I left him for someone else. Nope. He cheated, lied, hit me but when I did get the courage to leave I was the bad bastard.

He's on his 2nd partner after me and guess what he said about his ex before her?

Never date a man who tells you his ex (and mother of his child!) is a psycho.
That is the only red flag you need (although there are others here!)
He clearly wants to discredit her in your eyes so you won't believe a word she says.

No they don't... One of them may not be telling the truth (hint, it's probably the man who's already been lying to you...)

Yes but you new your ex for 3 years. Anyone can pretend to be anything for 4 months on and off. I'm not saying don't give it a go but I think moving can and should wait. I'd give it a year and then consider it again. There's no rush. You have a lot to lose.

😂😂😂

I wonder how they managed to make a baby?

Ah yes, the "we aren't sleeping together/only in same house for kids" script.

I suppose he told you that she wasn't interested in sex? Probably because she was heavily pregnant/just given birth. And feeling insecure due to her body changing. I know I did. But my dh didn't leave and get with someone else.

And he's not exactly tell the story of his last relationship in an unbiased way. I was told by an ex that he had split with his last girlfriend as she had lied and spent their joint money. Turned out he was deeply controlling and a mutual friend got in touch with me to explain she had really hoped he had changed and was so sorry she hadn't warned me.

It doesn’t add up because he’s lying to you about his ex and her insecurities. You CANNOT assume that what this man is saying about her is true.

She had a baby with him. How the hell do you think that happened? Even if she’s insecure about her body or doesn’t have a high sex drive that doesn’t mean she doesn’t ever want it. Are you mad?

Imagine yourself into her shoes. You're five months postpartum, sleep-deprived and your whole life has been turned upside down by giving birth. Your carefree days are a distant memory and almost every waking minute revolves around your child.

Scenario 1:
The father of your child walked out on you even before the birth, and he waltzes back into your life whenever he wants too. You know you should send him away but he turns on the charm that snared you in the first place, and holds out the hope of getting back together. You know he's probably lying, but you're lonely and feeling down about the changes to your body and sleep deprived, and you're frankly easy meat for this manipulative arsehole. He lets slip he's seeing someone else (that's how little he actually cares) and you find her on social media and message her.

Scenario 2:
The father of your child has told you work is sending him to another office at weekends. It's a pain, but he's been told that the experience he's picking up there will get him promoted. Except - you found a restaurant receipt in his pocket that seemed - odd. This prompts you to look on his phone, there's messages to another woman. OMG, that week I spent at my sister's he had her staying with him! With a name, you go looking and find her on social media. Shell-shocked, you message her.

So no, it doesn't seem off that she's found you on social media. And remember, all this "violent towards her" is a story he's told you, so of course that doesn't add up.

Is he paying to support his baby, OP? Is he going to court to get proper contact with his child as his ex is (apparently, allegedly) preventing that?

His dd is 5 months old now but his ex won't let him see the baby. He broke up with her before the baby arrived because he just wasn't in love with her anymore and she was controlling and she's still bitter about it. She lets him see the baby then changes her mind. She sounds like a complete psycho

If you turn to page 2 of the wankers handbook this is written in big letters.

Imagine being this desperate for a man that you'd settle for this. Honestly, I've no words!

Excellent, a little bit of logic creeping into your head. No, it doesn't add up, does it? How do you think she got pregnant if she never wanted sex anyway?

Immaculate conception?
He raped her?
She did actually want sex with him and he's lying?

Which of those three is most likely?

OP, you are being spectacularly naive.

He's done you up like a kipper.

So he spends all his money travelling to you rather than using it to support his child?

Not going to court then?

imagine what kind of man starts seeing a new woman when his baby is ONE MONTH old.

You’d be an actual idiot to spend more time with him.

Another one! Is there such a shortage of men in your area that this utter douche sounds like a catch?

Well, regardless of whether he’s a liar, she’s a liar, he’s a psycho, she’s a psycho, they’re both psychos or neither of them are, don’t kid yourself that this isn’t a complete shit show you need to run screaming in the opposite direction from.

it will not be worth the hassle. At all.

I'm quite shocked about the replies I really need to think what I'm going to do.

He's been crying and begging me not to end things since I had the message from his ex. He sounds so desperate not to lose me. He's even promised never to speak to her again. He said she can't bear to see anyone happy.

He would like to go to court but she'll just lie about him, say he's violent. From what he says but I could understand not wanting to drag it through a court to be questioned about that kind of stuff.

I'm so gutted, I can deal with him having the ex and baby and I'm happy to be a step mum some day, but the thoughts of him having sex with her and then coming to me makes me sick and I'll never know the truth. If he's been on the sofa how can I ever be completely sure.

He doesn't give the money to her because she spends it on getting her nails done, clothes for herself and besides he's hardly been allowed to see the baby anyway, but he puts money into an account for when his daughter is older.

You won’t ever be completely sure, and she’s not going to disappear from his life like that. If you stay with him your life will be a constant stream of suspicion, drama, and pain. Get out now. It may hurt because you really like this guy, but you will look back in future and breathe a sigh of relief for escaping the bullshit.

You may believe you love him, you may even actually love him, but you need to love yourself more.

Christ alive, this little speech is so hackneyed it's hard not to laugh.

He promised never to talk to the mother of his child again.

Does that sound like a measured response?

And what, judges just listen to hearsay, do they? Wouldn’t ask for, oh, I don’t know, proof?!

He must be a fucking god in bed for you to ignore the absolute parade of shit here.

He's even promised never to speak to her again.

How's this GREAT DAD going to arrange to see his baby then?

I’m out. No adult woman can be so fucking stupid.

Pull the other one, its got bells on it!! Surely you don't actually believe his bullshit?! Its the script right there, righ/ down to the crocodile tears.

He's a liar, a cheat and a shit dad to boot. You must think he's a right catch! Just the right man to plan a future with. Just a shame that 'crazy ex' is around.

Wise up op, before you end up pregnant to this deadbeat.