Do you have sleep in separate bedrooms?

[sleepysleepybed]

Do you and your partner share a bed or do you have separate bedrooms?

It's quite the taboo so I have no idea how normal or not this is. Disturbed sleep brought an end to our bed sharing and surprisingly we are both much much happier for it. But I feel like that doesn't sound normal!

Couple relations are probably better than before so no complaints there either.

Anyone else? Do you keep it a secret or are you open about it if the topic crops up?

I've been sleeping in the spare room for a few months due to my snoring and DH's insomnia/listening to audiobooks and it's great! I thought it would be temporary but I rather like it. Sleeping the best I have slept in more than a decade.

Bit of both, dh has insomnia so often goes to the spare room to read.

Yes we do, due to non sleeping children and having to co sleep with the youngest. We just all get more sleep this way for now. It won’t be forever with us but I just can’t function on lack of sleep so personally I think that would be worse for our relationship than not sharing a bed. Everything else is fine.
Don’t tell everyone but close friends/family know. Surprising how many friends do it too!

Yes we do but that's cos we're separated but at the moment finances preclude buying another property for one of us. Luckily we have enough bedrooms to do this and we get ok still on a day to day basis.

Appreciate it must be difficult if you don't have enough bedrooms to sleep separately whatever the reason.

No, we don't have enough bedrooms to do this but I would hate it. One of my favourite parts of the day is going to bed with my husband. It's not just about the sex, I also just like relaxing next to him and being connected after a day apart.

My DP snores and wakes most nights for an hour or so when he goes in his phone. We've been in separate rooms for a couple of years now and I love it.

It actually puts me off going away for weekend breaks as the thought of sharing a bed again makes me not want to go!!

We sleep separately in our house. I don’t understand why it’s taboo, so many couples sleep apart.

Started out as a temporary thing, but we both sleep much better and have been doing it now for over a year. It works for us because I’m a night owl and can’t sleep earlier than 11 whereas my husband is snoring away by 9:30 usually awake by 5:30. Still have intimacy and I’m sure our relationship is better because of our arrangement.

We sleep separately and once we started openly admitting this to people when the topic arose, others admitted they’d love to do the same if they had room. No issues in our marriage whatsoever, one of us snores very loud and that is the extent of it.
Don’t understand why it’s anyone’s business.

Yes, we do. It started because I coslept, and continues because DS still comes in to sleep with me at some point in the night and we just don't sleep if we are 3 in a bed. But honestly, we all sleep better for it. I am a light sleeper and DH is a heavy one. So he will snore, grunt, move and it will wake me up and then I can't get back to sleep.

Honestly, it makes me a bit sad. I definitely feel there is a distance between us as a result. But currently the need to get decent sleep outweighs that. I hope we can get back in the same bed some day.

It's interesting that it's taboo, isn't it? I shared a room with a friend on a walking trip and she snored so badly - she asked me how bad it was so I told her, I wasn't being rude - and I asked how her DH managed. She had this almost visceral reaction to my suggestion that they sleep apart, like I was suggesting it was the end of their marriage. But honestly, if I was her DH and I had to sleep with her, I'd divorce her, it was that bad.

We are about a week into trying separate rooms due to DH snoring. He does not want to sleep like this but to be honest, he was waking me up so much in the night by the morning I hated his guts and would not speak to him until about 2pm. I understand this is possibly unreasonable of me as I know he is not doing it on purpose.

So we take turns in the spare room for now. I am peri-menopausal so sleep is VERY PRECIOUS and to us this seems like a marriage saver rather than a marriage problem.

Usually if I wake up at 6 I will go into his bed for a cuddle as I do miss it. But not the snoring! I feel better this week than I have for the past year as I am finally well rested woo hoo!

We do 50/50. Sometimes I sleep in the spare room. I sleep better there and also just like having time to myself. We do sleep together a few nights a week though.

I can't sleep in the same room as someone else, let alone in the same bed. Since the menopause. We have my mother visiting tomorrow for 4 nights - she is having my room and I'm prepping the downstairs sofa as althought I'll give it a go in the other bedroom, I'll no doubt be still up at 1am and wander down to sleep on my own.

We do most nights - a combination of snoring (on both parts) and very different sleep routines. It felt a bit strange at first and there is still a bit of a taboo around it, like it's the death knell of the marriage or something, but it's brilliant, we both sleep so much better (well, he does, I have perimenopausal insomnia so I sleep a bit better but not much better)

Not usually, I love sleeping next to husband. But from 3rd trimester pregnancy, he sleeps on the sofa bed. If your relationship is good it doesn't matter!

There is definitely a taboo around it, as I doubt I'd confess this to my friends but we have separate rooms due to DH's snoring. You can honestly hear him on the other side of the house, it's that loud. For years I wore ear plugs, but weirdly they make me feel a bit sick, and now I'd rather not in case I don't hear the dcs. It works for us. I get more sleep, as does he as he isn't woken by me complaining about the noise. We definitely get on better when we aren't both chronically sleep deprived.

We don’t have enough rooms but if we did I’d happily have an in bed cuddle then go off to my own room. His snoring makes me want to kill him. He’s trying really hard to stop it but I need sleep. It’s hard for him not to see it as rejection but he does sometimes offer to sleep downstairs and I’ve gone in DD’s room occasionally when it’s been bad as she has a spare bed.

We don't. It's not a big issue. We still have sex and cuddles. Absolutely love my own bed.

Increasingly sleep apart because of snoring (both of us) and his shift work. Both sleep much better for it and the cats are much happier with half a kingsize bed and a human each. But still sleep together often too.

Since we both have Covid a few months ago we slept in separate rooms and we both love it. We still come together but love are own space. Both rooms are large with en-suits so no hardship on either side. (Plus my bedroom is lush!)

DH tested positive foe covid last week and was coughing so I sent him to the spare room. I tested positive yesterday and last night found him getting back into our bed. I sent him off to the spare room again as I didn't want to be coughed on. I've actually slept better not having him there but don't think he'll go for it as a permanent arrangement.

Nothing wrong with it at all.

If only there was a spare room (adult kids decided to move in!) No I prefer to share

As long as you’re still having sex and being physically close in other ways, sleeping how you feel most comfortable is fine. I think it becomes a problem if separate rooms turns into just sloping off to bed and letting the relationship become sexless because you lose the more “natural” opportunities for sex and don’t bother to create others.

I like sharing a bed with DP but luckily we’re both deep sleepers (we recently did a sleepover experience at London Zoo next to the lion enclosure. Apparently the lions’ roaring during the night woke up all the other guests. Not us, we had a great night’s sleep with our complete lack of survival instincts.)

I do wonder if it’s seen as more ‘taboo’ because people have experience of their own parents marriage ending this way. My Mum remarried and had my younger siblings when I was a teenager so my step Dad moved into a separate bedroom whilst they coslept. I remember their relationship being fine but this did seem like the beginning to the end. When she wanted him to move back he was content with having his separate bedroom. She told me that was one of her biggest regrets as their sex life stopped and he was able to use this privacy to hide his affair. They kept it a secret too because all of her friends thought it was weird and I don’t think that helped the situation because the more she pushed for him to be back in the bedroom the more he dug his heels in.

He also kept it a secret from his friends, I remember one of his friends staying over and my step Dad actually went to bed with my Mum for the first time in about two years to hide the fact they had separate rooms.

My DP’s parents went through something similar. The rational part of my mind knows that separate bedrooms doesn’t = affair and/or lack of intimacy and relationship over but if me and DP were ever thinking about having separate bedrooms I do know that this would be on the forefront of my mind and would probably put me off wanting to do so. I wouldn’t judge anyone for it though, if it works for you then who cares what others do!