Do you have sleep in separate bedrooms?

[sleepysleepybed]

Do you and your partner share a bed or do you have separate bedrooms?

It's quite the taboo so I have no idea how normal or not this is. Disturbed sleep brought an end to our bed sharing and surprisingly we are both much much happier for it. But I feel like that doesn't sound normal!

Couple relations are probably better than before so no complaints there either.

Anyone else? Do you keep it a secret or are you open about it if the topic crops up?

Unless the problem is loud snoring, you can always share a room but have separate beds.
That way different schedules and/or movement during sleep doesn't disturb the other.

When we first were together we were on opposite sides of the Atlantic, and hated being apart; it comes from that, I think.

We’ve not had ‘flu or stomach bugs, so that’s not come up.

We’re fine being away from each other, but if we’re sleeping in the same house it’s always in the same bed.

For as far back as I can remember my parents always slept in separate beds. It must have worked for them as they were married for 58 years before they passed away in 2020 (yep both of them).

We have been married for almost 40yrs and have slept apart for most of it, even in the 17yrs before having children.

I am a poor sleeper (average 5hrs) need light, cold, no duvet, windows open. Dh is very much pitch black, 8 full hours, 13tog duvet, windows closed. We are very incompatible bed partners.

The only time we did sleep together was when we all co-slept until both boys were about 2.5yrs. I couldn't wait to get back to my own room.

It's not had any negative effects on our marriage at all.

My parents moved into their current house about 10 years ago. Moving in day they realised they couldn't fit their shared double bed up the stairs to the master suite (old barn conversion, so everything is a weird shape/non-standard), they shrugged. Abandoned the double bed in a different bedroom, and bought two single beds instead.
But didn't even then go upstairs to the Master! They ended up in two single beds, in the third of the four bedrooms. Leaving two double size rooms empty!

They shared like brother and sister quite happily for about 9 years, until eventually dad moved into a different room after developing health problems.

It was all a bit odd!

I wouldn't think anything of someone else choosing not to share a bed but I love sharing a bed. Snuggling up to fall asleep is often my favourite part of the day. I struggle to sleep when one of us is away!

We have slept in separate rooms for a few years. It was mostly because of disturbed sleep his snoring affecting my ms negatively. I'd say we get on better now. I don't broadcast it because of the taboo. A few family members know about it and are all ok with it, apart from my mum who probably worries our marriage is over

We sleep separately. Initially it was because my DP would come to bed hours after me, wake me up and then promptly snore loudly. I just couldn't hack it. But we've slept separately now for a few years and frankly I'll never go back to sharing a bed, I absolutely love a good sleep!

My husband has MS when he was told to sheild he went to sleep in the spare room, its been just over 2 years now he did move back into the main bedroom for a few nights but we both snore and I fall asleep around 10 and am up at 6 he would naturally go to sleep around 12 and get up at 8 neither of us slept well so he went back in the spare room, we went to stay at my fils last summer and oh ended up sleeping in the sofa.

This.

We share most of the time, sleep in separate bedrooms about 20% of the time e.g. if one of us has to be up much earlier than the other, if one of us has been out late, if one of us is ill, if it’s really hot etc. I’m in the spare room at the moment as hayfever is making me snore and sneeze all night. We have together as the default position but it’s not a big deal to sleep separately when that suits us better.

Separate rooms here. Both with king size beds so it's fair. DH snores, is a very light sleeper and is always hot. I snore, toss and turn and like to be cold in bed. Best decision we made and it means we don't resent each other.

We don't sleep well in the same bed when we stay away, luckily my parents understand and we sleep in a room with two beds and we try and book hotel rooms with 2 double beds. Snoring is solved with ear plugs.

I moved into the spare room 18 months ago when I was unwell with covid. I slept so much better, in fact I realised that I had spent much of the last decade not properly sleeping as DH is a light sleeper and any movement I made would wake him. I think he is unhappy with the ‘distance’ between us, but I value the sleep. I agree that you have to sure to make space for physicality in your relationship in other ways.

We do but not by choice, DH works away for most of the week. I sleep terribly when he's not home, I'm a snuggler and rattle around in the bed without him.

I miss our spare bedroom that now belongs to our son. I can be quite a bad sleeper so I valued being able to go into the other room and read or listen to podcast without feeling bad for disturbing DH. I really like it when he is on shift and i can be as fidgety and faffy as I like.

Nope, not slept in the same bed for a few years now because DD kept waking in the night so we'd take it in turns in the spare bed. Just when DD started sleeping through, I got pregnant again (not an immaculate pregnancy of course 😁) and needed sleep. DH seems to snore much louder than ever before too or is that just me remembering it differently?!
Anyway we keep saying when the DC are older and sleeping through, we'll share the same bed again though if he's still snoring like a chainsaw then it'll definitely be postponed.
Also not told friends or family, don't think it's anyone else's business plus I don't want to see the judgey faces.

Yup, have done for years. DH snores like a walrus, and has never cared about it enough to do anything about that, and I cannot function on no sleep. When we go away, I absolutely hate sharing, and avoid it if I can.

My fiancé and I try really hard to share a bed together. We mostly manage it although I do have a whole “system” for dealing with his snoring. Occasionally if we have had a run of bad nights one of us will go and sleep in the sofa bed in my office to give us both a “reset” night. I would prefer it if we didn’t have to do this but it doesn’t mean anything and we always feel better for it

My partner is currently spending his nights sleeping on the sofa while I share the bed with our 6 month old. It's hopefully only temporary, but at the moment the little one is waking 6 or 7 times each night and my partner drives for a living so does need to get some sleep. I miss going to bed together, though, and I'm looking forward to the day when the baby finally sleeps in his own room and only wakes a couple of times through the night!

I sleep in the house and my boyfriend sleeps in the garden shed!

We don't but a lot of my friends with young babies do.

I honestly wouldn't mind sleeping separately, as long as we had a cuddle before going to sleep (and occasionally a shag!)

I would much prefer to but my H makes a huge fuss if I even suggest it - always comes out with the 'it's the beginning of the end when people do that' -(rubbish of course) yet he's a very light sleeper, likes pitch black and can't stand windows open- total opposite to me- hence I love it if he has to go away for a few days.

For years I had insomnia and used to decamp to another bedroom at 3 am which mad any DH a bit grumpy

He now has cancer and we have slept in separate rooms for 2 years. Bliss all round. We both get to sleep in wonderful kingsize beds with no-one else

Life changing. No insomnia . No problem with physical relationships (other than having cancer)

I would love to sleep separately from DH, he works weird shifts so wakes me up at 3am tripping over the rug/trying to prise the quilt from under me/dropping whatever shite is in his pockets all over the floor. Then he gets into bed and snores ridiculously! But we have too many children and all the other rooms are occupied so no spare room for me!

The number of rooms is a factor that has cropped up and looking quite far back into history I believe the upper class used to have separate bedrooms (chambers?) as standard.