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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking my 14yo to go to bed at 10

101 replies

Tereo · 13/06/2022 06:43

My 14 yo is on holidays and starting a sailing camp with his friends today. We spent yesterday getting ready buying him wetsuit etc.
We haven't told him or his brother to go to bed since school broke up and they've had some very late nights in recent days so last night I told him to go to bed at 10 in preparation for early start/sailing today.
He was straightaway so rude and refused to go saying it was demeaning to be asked to go to bed and said 'fuck you'... We lost our cool roared at him to get to bed and took his phone out of his room for night to recharge in kitchen.
As soon as we went back to bed, he went down to get phone and stay up. We left him as not sure how you make a 14 do something??
He went to bed at 12 in the end feeling very righteous that we d been in the wrong asking him to go to bed.
What do I say today?

OP posts:

Cupcakegirl13 · 13/06/2022 06:44

No sailing club for a start !

Hercisback · 13/06/2022 06:45

He wouldn't be doing the sailing course for the rudeness if he was my child.

Hopefully he has a shit time because he's knackered and will go to bed earlier later.

CucumberCool · 13/06/2022 06:45

Cancel sailing, take back wet suit stop paying for phone

LittleBirdBlu · 13/06/2022 06:47

Also wouldn't be doing the sailing course if he was my child. It's the 'fuck you' and the getting the phone and staying up. So disrespectful!

Butchyrestingface · 13/06/2022 06:49

Well, I would have hidden his phone properly for a start.

mum11970 · 13/06/2022 06:52

Why on earth did you leave the phone with him when he went back down to get it? I’d have had it back off him two seconds later and he wouldn’t be getting it back anytime soon. Any other electronics such as games console or iPad, etc would also be removed. Can’t believe you allowed him to get away with such blatant disrespect.

Original poster

Tereo · 13/06/2022 06:53

Butchyrestingface · 13/06/2022 06:49

Well, I would have hidden his phone properly for a start.

True... I assumed he d stay in bed tho... First real battle we ve had with him🙄

OP posts:

Darbs76 · 13/06/2022 06:55

Not sure if cancel the sailing, if it was expensive anyway. But I would certainly punish him for being so disrespectful. Have a chat with him tonight, tell him you won’t be spoken to like that and x will be happening as punishment. Make a stand now or things will get worse.

my daughter is 14 and I’m all for natural consequences. I do advise her to go to sleep earlier but if she’s in her room I don’t make her go to sleep. If she’s tired the next day that’s her problem

spotcheck · 13/06/2022 06:56

He clearly needs time away from his phone.

I would take his phone away for a few days

Maray1967 · 13/06/2022 06:56

There is no way he should have been able to get the phone - you should have charged it in your room. You should have taken it straight back off him. No sailing club now.
You’re not sure how you make a 14 year old do something? By giving them consequences so you’d best start today. My DS2 is 14 and if he spoke to me like that he would not be going on a fun activity with his mates.

SinnermanGirl · 13/06/2022 06:58

Agree with the others, no sailing.

Going forward, hand in phone at 10 each night. This is perfectly reasonable.

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 13/06/2022 07:00

You need a united front as parents and make a decision re consequences then stick to it. He's only 14, you have got a lot of teenage to go and if you accept this now, it's going to be a hard few years. I wouldn't be punishing for not sleeping, but the swearing and taking back of phone are not acceptable and you need him to understand that.

Original poster

Tereo · 13/06/2022 07:00

I can't really cancel sailing have already spent money he s organised to go with 2 mates.
And the phone necessary for arranging lifts etc.
So will I take PlayStation away til he changes his attitude and apologieses??

OP posts:

Rumplestrumpet · 13/06/2022 07:00

I would say serious consequences needed, but applied calmly, and explained that disrespect like that will never be accepted. He thinks he won. To be fair, he did win. He's now less likely to listen to you next time unless there are immediate consequences. Doesn't have to be cancelling sailing if that feels like too much for you, but should be enough to make him think twice next time

Rumplestrumpet · 13/06/2022 07:02

Only you know if playstation is enough of a punishment.nwontbhebjust play on his phone instead?

He needs to apologise anyway, that shouldn't get him out of any punishment

BusyMum47 · 13/06/2022 07:03

Woah. Rudeness like that, the FU & the blatant disobedience re. staying up & retrieving phone?? No. Just no.
I would have gone batshit on his ass!!

Phone & other privileges removed for the foreseeable & definitely no sailing club!

Plus reinstate some boundaries or you're going to have this all Summer & that's not going to help you or your son.

You're in charge!!!!

MrsBungle · 13/06/2022 07:03

If my 14yo spoke to me like that there would be big trouble. He certainly wouldn’t be going sailing and his dad phone would be removed for at least a week.

Hockeyboysmum · 13/06/2022 07:03

No playstation or phone for a week minimum

Original poster

Tereo · 13/06/2022 07:05

Thanks you all this is really helpful. Yes I don't think cancelling the sailing would work (however I'm tempted!) but he spends a lot of time on PlayStation so taking that away would be very noticed..

OP posts:

MoodyTwo · 13/06/2022 07:05

I really would have picked my battles to be honest, I would have said he should go to bed , but if he didn't he is the one that's tired in the morning.
However the swearing needs to be addressed, I would change the wi fi password for X amount of time.

Dajeeling · 13/06/2022 07:08

Oh hell no!! Absolutely not OP. You pay for that phone do you not? Well in that case it makes it yours and you are being very generous giving it to him. Trust me, he’d be very aware of that fact if I was his mum. Reality check and a wake up call for this entitled young man needed.

KangarooKenny · 13/06/2022 07:10

Don’t take the PS until he apologises as he’ll just say sorry. Take it for a set amount of time, if he’s disrespectful within that time, you keep it longer.

SinnermanGirl · 13/06/2022 07:15

You could ask him what he thinks of his behaviour and what consequences he considers appropriate. If he doesn’t play ball, make the decision for him. It can be good to get their buy in as ultimately what you want is for him to reflect and not do it again.

Rosebel · 13/06/2022 07:15

Tbh I'm not surprised he disrespect you. You said go to bed and no phone. He later gets out bed and gets his phone and you just let him. Should have taken his phone off him again and told him no sailing if you don't listen or swear T me.
I can see why you don't want to cancel something so expensive so I'd remove all electronics and he wouldn't be getting them back anytime soon. I'd also remove his phone when he gets home and say he can have it while he's at the club but not after.

Original poster

Tereo · 13/06/2022 07:22

KangarooKenny · 13/06/2022 07:10

Don’t take the PS until he apologises as he’ll just say sorry. Take it for a set amount of time, if he’s disrespectful within that time, you keep it longer.

Yes good point. I'll say 7 days?

OP posts:

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