AIBU to think drinking every day is normal?

[BitBehind]

Just that really.

I grew up in a household where both parents drank every night. Always wine with dinner and then sometimes gin or whisky afterwards.

They were never smashed. But they definitely drank every day without fail and often a little wobbly before bed. I didn't think much of it.

Now I always have wine in the evening. Soon as the kids (toddlers) are in bed it's my routine to come down and have a glass of white wine in the quiet at last. And then maybe one more with dinner. And maybe one more after dinner. Small glass. 3 max. I never go out drinking anymore so that's it. I'm never drunk but also would find it hard to not have that glass at the end of the day

Is this normal? My partner says it's definitely not.

You've got somewhat of a point about the weekend drinkers but what concerns me about OP's posts is that is sounds likely she'd struggle to NOT drink. That's a problem. When your heart sinks when you've run out of wine or you end up walking ages to the shop to get a bottle because you can't relax without it. I started to get like that in my twenties when I used alcohol as a crutch for social anxiety and I had to make the decision to cut back.

Most of us overdo it the odd time. I drank more than I wanted to on Saturday night, more than the RDA. But I think there's a difference between having a few too many the odd time when you're out in company compared to a daily three glass habit at home.

I've had a bottle of vodka on my kitchen worktop for several months now. Opened it in March and just have the odd vodka and cranberry. I think I once made an espresso martini with it. It's still 90% full and I happily walk past it every day without wanting to touch it, even if I've had an awful day. Would OP be able to leave booze sitting for that long? Probably not.

Itself not normal for, me but perfectly normal for some people I know.

I feel like I would be so fat if I had half a bottle of wine every night!

Comma in the wrong place.

I think to some degree people think that there's "safety in numbers" as in lots of people drink this way so it's normal aka OK.
It just means lots of people are drinking more than the recommended amount, and lots have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I'm not trying to be preachy (I eat too much chocolate, and drink way too many fizzy drinks) I'm just saying that because lots of people are drinking unhealthily, it sort of normalises it, but it doesn't mean its not a problem. (It means it's a potential problem for lots of people whether they acknowledge it or not)

I think, as others have said, it just becomes a habit to have a few glasses in the evening and then it’s hard to break that ‘relaxation = drink’ connection. Any habit is hard to break. Some people can do alcohol in moderation and have maybe a couple of glasses here and there and take it or leave it but many can’t do that. Best of luck for breaking the habit.

I used to drink like you do until I bought a smartwatch that measured my resting heartbeat. I was astounded at the difference between alcohol and non alcohol days. The thought of how much harder my heart was working due to alcohol made me cut right down. Good luck OP

I think normal is not a helpful word
My DH was raised in a pub and drinks every day as do most of his family. I was raised in a household where one drink occasionally was more than enough.
The key point is what is the impact on you physically qnd financially and on your relationships. If you need external validation, this is a worrying sign. Can you take a break for a month and them see if your habits creep back in
If they do, perhaps it is time to look at why you are drinking.

This is really interesting and certainly speaks to the idea that people see some drinks as ok and others as bad, when alcohol is concerned. Middle class wine drinking must be fine, but lager? Nooooo...

This 15 cans of Carling works out at 27 units.

OP's wine adds up to more than that over the week. Are you worried about her children, too?

I guess not because she's drinking wine not Carling...

Good luck with this week, a word of warning to help you, even if you don’t like sugary things wine is very high in sugar and you may feel dreadful this week as you sort of “de-tox” Also your body is very used to the efficient of alcohol and the human brain in particular doesn’t love change, so be prepared to feel a bit rough and possibly cranky, it can take a couple of weeks to regulate. I’m not much of a drinker but I am terrible for sugar and I give it up for a month every year to help manage my cravings and the first few days are always awful, but it feels amazing a few days in! I say this entirely without judgement but as a mum of a 3yr old and 10 month old too I have no idea how you can manage a glass of wine and not fall asleep in your dinner 😂 hats off if you’re managing 3 🤪

I know a lot of people who do this- so yes for many people it is normal. Doesn't mean it's healthy or advisable though .

I drink maybe twice a year, it's never been a thing for me. But I just wanted to say it's great you are so receptive to other people's views and questioning what you thought was normal.

I just think you will feel so much better without it in the long run. I gave up drinking during lockdown and the benefits have been brilliant. I enjoy my life so much more now.

Off to bed. Thank you for helpful comments. Even the really scary ones.

Good news: didn't have a drink tonight.
Bad news: thought about little else

Also I have a headache which is worrying.

Well done on your first night of not drinking.

The fact you have thought of little else is likely to be confirming how dependent you have been.
Is there something you can be doing to distract yourself / busy your mind ?

I suspect the headache is, as a pp said, the withdrawal starting. I know when I gave up caffeine about 18 years ago, I had a headache for over a week. I think it would be unusual to not go through some sort of withdrawal period when you withdraw any addictive substance. The strength is in pushing through the difficult first week or two or even three to give your body chance to detox.

No it's not normal. I would have thought it was once however I gotten into recovery and found out it wasn't.

It will continue and it will cunningly get worse. The fact you have to have it is the alarm bells bit.

Take it from me I know. At now nearly 20 year sober I was lucky to realise I had a problem and got off it before it got worse.

I had alot further to go with it too. If you have to have it it's a problem. Abstaining is my only way because when I had one drink towards the end I wanted more

@BitBehind well done for tonight! FWIW I don’t think it’s a bad thing necessarily that it’s all you could think about, it’s such a habit for you.

I admit that after a period of abstinence, I spend a lot of the day that I’ve allowed myself for drink thinking about that first taste of wine. But the difference is it doesn’t then make me want to drink the next night IYSWIM?

Once you get into a new routine then I genuinely think those feelings and thoughts will fade apart from on those days when you know you can drink (if you do indeed allow yourself some).

I always look forward to a drink on a Friday. Yes it’s problematic but I have a lot of dry days and I don’t go overboard on a Friday to make up for it, I can also skip a Friday wine if needs me, I just prefer not to!

Hello, I grew up with parents drinking alcohol daily. My mum died of alcoholic liver disease at 55.
I have binge drank on and off over the years around 5 bottles of wine a week, i referred myself to alcohol team sounds like its not far off what you are drinking. Long story short changing the habit became much easier after 3 months totally off alcohol and weirdly as other people have said its worth considering swapping i love wine but i tend to open and drink a bottle but id never drink more than 2 gins.

My alcohol free swaps would be tonic water, elderflower tonic in particular, alcohol free beer becks is good as its different and tastes like beer, pineapple juice, warm milk and cinnamon, earl grey tea or lemon tea are all good. The headache is likely withdrawal there us lots of sugar in wine try eating an extra piece or two of fruit tomorrow and into your journey of drinking less and that should help. Good luck with it. Last year i drank most days this year i have had 6 days of alcohol all on holiday.
After a while your sleep, skin, mood, concentration will all improve and you may not need the expensive moisturiser because your skin will be hydrated!

Good luck OP. And sorry about the scary stuff. I expect you're fine but I also think you'll feel healthier if you stop the midweek drinking.

I'd say that a fair few people in my social/family circle have a glass of wine with dinner most days, maybe a little afterwards. I love cooking and a glass of good wine while preparing dinner is a joy.

I stick to doing this twice or three times a week though now, though I occasionally break my rule. I love wine, but hate feeling drunk or even slightly tipsy. I wish there was a decent alcohol-free version!

I'm slightly going against the thread here, but with my family/in France three small glasses of wine per day wouldn't raise too many eyebrows, but it would be taken only with food, and at different parts of the day, not together.

That said, I believe that questioning any habits that might be potentially not serving you well is a good thing, however, and so good luck OP.

...p.s. in the absence of decent alcohol-free red wine, I drink cooled kombucha or liquorice tea, for something dry and reasonably nuanced. I'm not keen on sweet drinks.

I think the people pointing out that it's normal in France/Spain/Italy are also missing that these countries also have terrible alcohol-related issues and some of the highest alcohol-related death rates in the world.

Just because it's 'normal' to have a glass or two of wine every day with dinner (and IMO it isn't as commonplace as people think) doesn't mean it's good for you. There are still countries in eastern Europe where it's 'normal' to smoke indoors in crowded bars. Does that make it OK?

I don’t think it’s normal , and what would you do if you had an emergency and couldn’t drive ?

It’s normal, my parents had two large glasses of Red with their dinner every night. My grandparents had a tipple every night before bed .