Daughter wants to meet online boyfriend

[Annatracey]

My 16 year old daughter has been communicating with a 17 year old boy from Holland for about a year.
she now wants me to book them a hotel and take her there to meet him and then she wants me to leave.
I haven’t seen, spoken to him or his parents.
I don’t even know if this is legal.
I have refused on the grounds of her safety.

AIBU?

This would be an absolute no from me. I would feel uncomfortable if a 30-year-old friend proposed this sort of meet-up, let alone a 16-year-old daughter. Stick to your guns.

I think you can propose a few alternatives (e.g., day out together, you spend the morning together then they go off for the afternoon, with a 10pm curfew or similar) but I definitely would not let her stay overnight with a new guy from the internet. I’m kind of shocked she’d even suggest it to be honest, and I think this probably deserves a bigger conversation about online safety and first date safety.

No, no and no again. So unsafe. He may well be a17 year old school/ college lad with impeccable manners and good intentions or he could be a 40 year old paedophile.
why is your daughter meeting boys online instead of in RL, and he can’t realistically be a b/f if they’ve never met.
As pp said, all meet up in public, morning sightseeing, lunch, then if all ok time together with a curfew.

Of course the answer is no. It's alarming that she doesn't appreciate how incredibly dangerous this is.

I’d tell her that the first step is communication between you and his parents. See what that brings.

Communicate with her about how your focus is keeping her safe. Tell her that’s why you need to communicate with his parents before anything else happens

What about it do you think might not be legal? Is it the hotel booking for minors? - I'm not certain but a lot of places state they don't take bookings from minors which indicates to me that they aren't constrained by law. Making friends at a distance has never been illegal.

My cousin met his wife on the internet, way back in 1998 when they were 17. Their first real-life meeting was him going to her house (apparently her dad opened the door to a boy who said "I've come to stay" and his response was "only if you behave yourself!") Would you be prepared to host a visit?

Of course it’s a no. Although as she is 16 I would possibly suggest having him to your home for dinner so he can meet her and you, then maybe (if all seems normal) them going out somewhere for the afternoon. But it should be a red flag that he is 17 and can come all the way from Holland (most teens wouldn’t be able to surely) and afford a hotel room, and that he is so insistent you should leave. Not to be crude, but in my experience most teenagers won’t/can’t fly to another country and pay for a hotel for sex.

I would be prepared to host a visit.

the legal question was two-fold in hindsight.
can 2 minors stay in a hotel and can they have sex?
I feel like I’m facilitating a potentially sexual relationship

Absolutely no no way not a chance.
Explain the danger to her in a hotel with a stranger. If they are determined to meet then in a cafe or other public space, tracker on her phone and you in the same public place.
Oh I really wish that the youngsters could understand the dangers they face when they arrange to meet up with strangers

NO.

Tell her, he is welcome to your home to meet all of you.

(She'll never see hide nor hair of "Mr 17", of course. )

Of course they can legally have sex if they're over 16

My DD has met a couple of online friends in real life. She's 15. However, it's always somewhere public and I'm always nearby once I've met them and their parent too. Absolutely no way I'd do what your DD is proposing even if she was 16!

As long as you're going too then she's being fairly sensible. That said there's no chance I'd be letting them stay in a hotel room or go away for ages themselves.

Then he can travel to England and you can host him for dinner, perhaps he can stay over. that's more than reasonable. Why is she making all the effort and traveling countries?

Hotels are not allowed to accept bookings from children as a preventative measure against child trafficking

Do you know he actually is a 17 year old boy?

No way

16 is too young, i met my dutch husband on a game and now we are married 5 years later with 2 kids BUT i was 22ish not 16! i think when she is 18 then fine make it a holiday but i wouldnt let my 16 year old stay in a strange country with a half stranger. Make him come to you!!! why should the girls do the chasing??

Absolutely not. Of course it's not illegal for her to have sex but she doesn't know this person and he could well be a 17 old boy but he could also be a 50 year old predator.

I'd be asking if he's coming to the UK, why on earth would you need to book his hotel? Why can't he or his parents do it?

What's your relationship like with your daughter?

It's seriously weird that you think this is a question for AIBU. No normally thinking person would book a hotel and take their teenage child there to have sex with a stranger.

I wouldn't do this, and I'm 41!

😲It’s a no-brainer.

Pahahaha!!! Nope, I would not drop my 16yr old off to meet a man from Holland in a hotel. WTF!

😂😂totally missed the point

Are you actually asking whether or not it’s acceptable to take your daughter to a hotel to meet a stranger for sex? Come on now OP! Put the wine down and stop being silly.

Your daughter’s confidence in this outrageous request is awe inspiring. You book, sort and pay for everything then tootle off as you are not wanted!
This is an absolute no from me, this could be an actual man looking to people traffic. It’s weird he has not invited her to his family home.
This relationship, if the 17 y/o boy is a 17 y/o boy is a no go anyway as they are so far away. Hopefully your refusal will get rid of him and she can meet a nearby boy.