Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter wants to meet online boyfriend

78 replies

Annatracey · 12/06/2022 14:27

My 16 year old daughter has been communicating with a 17 year old boy from Holland for about a year.
she now wants me to book them a hotel and take her there to meet him and then she wants me to leave.
I haven’t seen, spoken to him or his parents.
I don’t even know if this is legal.
I have refused on the grounds of her safety.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Philisophigal · 12/06/2022 15:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

emuloc · 12/06/2022 15:59

If this is for real, no way on earth would I facilitate this.

LaFloristaCalista · 12/06/2022 16:03

It's legal but it's also very stupid. If anything, I would organise a weekend in Holland for you and your daughter, and she can take the afternoon off to meet him in a public place. You can meet him as well, and if after that weekend your daughter is still happy talking to him, you can maybe invite him over for another weekend in U.K.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 12/06/2022 16:12

My 17 year old dd met her boyfriend online when she was 16. He’s from the U.K. though, so didn’t have to travel from another country. He’s an easy train ride away.

basically they met online and FaceTimed each other. I’d seen him on FaceTime s was reasonably sure he was who he said he was. The first time they met I insisted he came to us and I met him from the station. He came back to ours for the day. He’s a nice lad. He came to ours several times before I let her go to his.

but I wouldn’t be on board with your situation. I woldnt be happy leaving my 16 year old alone in a hotel with a boy she’s just met. I would say he can come. Book a hotel near your house. He can spend day times with your dd and go back to the hotel to sleep, at least this first time they meet anyway. He could be anyone.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 12/06/2022 16:25

We all want lots of things in life. She's a child so she doesn't get to fly to another country to meet a boy. Imagine asking your mum that in the 1980s 😂

motogirl · 12/06/2022 16:48

Obviously you are right to be wary but this is the way many young people meet. There's a compromise to be had if you can afford it - a long weekend there so they can meet and see if it's for real so to speak, but she stays with you at night, they can get to know each other sightseeing

fossilsmorefossils · 12/06/2022 16:52

I wouldn't leave them alone until you're fairly certain that he is what he says he is , and not a loverboy (=young man to lure girls to pimp them out) (I'm ditch by the way).

fossilsmorefossils · 12/06/2022 16:52

Dutch that is

fossilsmorefossils · 12/06/2022 16:53

I think that inviting him over to England would be a better choice.

MissMogwai · 12/06/2022 17:05

Sorry I misread, so she wants you to take her there. Still a massive no from me.

The fact she thinks this is ok and is willing to ask you must mean she doesn't see the risks here.

At any age this would be a bad idea, why don't they want to meet in a cafe or similar? Why the need to meet in the hotel room.

ivfbabymomma1 · 12/06/2022 17:05

Absolutely no chance!!!! Not without meeting him first!!!

housemaus · 12/06/2022 17:11

I don't necessarily think this is a good idea but 'can two minors stay in a hotel and can they have sex' - some hotels will allow it in the Netherlands, it's not illegal to book a hotel under 18, but most hotels will want an 18+ year old on the booking. And as the age of consent is 16 in both the UK and the Netherlands then yes, there's absolutely no legal issue with them having sex.

While I absolutely understand your concern (and wouldn't be leaving her in a hotel room with him for a first meeting), plenty of people meet friends and partners online these days and have been for decades. It's not all perverts and trafficking - I was meeting both friends and partners online 15 years ago.

If you can facilitate a meet where you meet up together/you at a reasonable distance on one day (shopping centre, theme park etc) and spend some time with them, then maybe she can meet them alone when it's their turn to come to the UK.

At 16 she's old enough to move out or join the army, I think there's room to let her have some freedom and meeting someone online is not inherently more dangerous than meeting some person nearby and meeting up with them in secret - but YANBU to not allow an overnight stay together as their first meet.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 12/06/2022 17:11

Not a chance. Meeting up possibly but staying in a hotel room together? No.
Does she have any idea of the risks?

BreadInCaptivity · 12/06/2022 17:21

Ah found you OP.

My response from the other thread still stands.

If this boy wants to meet her, he can come to her and meet with both of you in your home.

It's not unreasonable to want to check out he is who he claims to be.

If he refuses that, well he doesn't have your daughters best interests at heart.

Would I drop her off at a hotel to meet an online friend - absolutely not. That's a hard red line and I would not budge one iota.

You're not ruining her life - you're protecting her.

LuaDipa · 12/06/2022 19:41

A bit of me is in awe of your dd’s optimism. Surely she wasn’t expecting an enthusiastic yes?

Original poster
Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:10

She does says that all her friends meet their boyfriends online .. it’s normal now

OP posts:
Original poster
Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:11

Thanks for your reply

OP posts:
strongnottoday · 12/06/2022 20:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HappyDays40 · 12/06/2022 20:26

I am not sure it is okay for two minors to book a hotel but to be fair when my ex and I were 17 we stayed in a hotel paid for by his mum as a treat (although we new each other). They can however have sex. TBH I would speak to his parents then have him stay at yours, if only to keep an eye on him.

MermaidEyes · 12/06/2022 20:27

Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:10

She does says that all her friends meet their boyfriends online .. it’s normal now

Yes, it is quite normal, but those boyfriends usually live locally, or at least in the next town over...not a completely different country.

Original poster
Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:37

Thanks great advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:38

Thank you good advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:38

Agreed

OP posts:
Original poster
Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:39

Thanks this is very helpful

OP posts:
Original poster
Annatracey · 12/06/2022 20:40

Thank you

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread