Why are girls so horrible

[Janinebutcher79]

Dd10 is in a small class and some of the girls are just so bloody horrible and nasty. I get frustrated as I want my dd10 to stick up for herself but she wants to take the higher ground, which is lovely I know but I worry about her being taken advantage off!

DP's experience was that it only kicked off around 15/16 when the very macho boys got bigger, taller and stronger and started identifying the smaller ones as different or easier targets - he had no problems at all until he was noticeably smaller and then the group attacks started, culminating in him and five friends getting a literal kicking at the bus stop on the basis of them being gay (ie, not tall, strong and aggressive).

My brothers were OK despite being shorter because one of them was captain of the football and cricket teams at school, so the other two were left well alone because nobody wanted to cross the super sporty hero and his teams.

I've seen some issues at Year 7 because children from harsher lives have been put with children who haven't experienced an undercurrent of violence in theirs and those who have been subject to bullying at home act out towards those they see as less powerful than them (suppose it's the phenomenon of a victim wanting to feel powerful for the first time) - but then it usually fizzles out until 15/16 in the absence of other stressors such as gangs/trying to exist in an area where gangs operate openly, nearer Y9 where there is a lot of gang activity in the home area.

No, that’s you inferring something that’s not there. You can’t invent your own additional bits of text and get annoyed at someone else for it.

You may have to eat those words in a few years. Yr 1 is a dream.

The OP is obviously very upset about what is happening to her daughter as any parent would be. Please stop picking on her and being the adult versions of those who are bulling her daughter.

It’s not about being PC, it’s just not accurate . I work in a school and can assure you boys can be horrible, just in a different way.

Well said.

Brefugee · Today 11:38

As long as you do for both and not only choose to defend the innocent of one sex and not the other.

you can't tell me what to do - you're not my real dad.

I'm not your real mother either.

I wasn't telling you what to do I was pointing out your own sexism if you aren't consistent for both sexes.

Some children are just horrible. They grown into horrible teens and then into horrible adults. Some people never grow out of Horrible.

Unfortunately, girls are far worse than boys in their exclusionary and targeting behaviour towards their peers.

I work in schools and have spent time in single-sex schools and without a shadow of a doubt the bullying in the girls school is absolutely some of the worst I have ever seen. The psychological effects on the victims are horrendous, but students are unwilling to report it due to the worry of the bullying escalating or being seen as a “snitch”. I’m sure many parents have heard the mantra “snitches get stitches” from their DC.

I have a friend whose daughter, let’s call her Amy, who in currently in Y13, she has been remote learning for most of this school year as she was/is being bullied relentlessly by another girl in her year group. It was both physical and emotional bullying, attacks on SM etc.

Nothing has been done about tackling the bullying and I’m guessing it was easier for the school to agree to Amy home schooling than to deal with the actual bully, who is no doubt bullying someone else right now.

OP, you must report every instance of bullying to the school. Schools love to stick their heads in the sand where bullying is concerned and tell themselves they don’t have a bullying problem. Individual acts will be seen as ‘disagreements’ but if there is continued and repeated acts, they have a duty of safety to your daughter.

Email them every time something happens, so you have a record. If you know who the bullies are, name them. Speak to the class teacher and/or Head, don’t let them fob you off with a resolution of ‘We’ll keep an eye on DD’.

That was the same with my dgd. Her group of friends were lovely. It was shocking how it changed. Even her best friend turned against her.

Gilmorehill · Today 11:47

It’s not about being PC, it’s just not accurate . I work in a school and can assure you boys can be horrible, just in a different way.

Do you really think she doesn't know that? Do you think there's anybody in the world who doesn't know that?

In this case it's girls not boys being foul to her daughter so no need to mention boys at all.

Girls are awful because we kid ourselves that their brattiness is assertiveness, and that being bossy with bad attitudes will make them a CEO one day. People can’t recognise where the line is drawn now. I notice that what is considered naughty for a boy to do is excused or encouraged in girls all the time.

She didn't say boys aren't horrible, she said girls are because that is what she is experiencing. You sound a bit like the teacher DD had when she was being bullied, all wide eyed and innocent and we had to understand how the unhappy girls were feeling.

My experience with 4 kids was my DD was horribly bullied, never had an issue with the 3 boys, of course there would be fallings out at time but no concerted long term bullying and generally even at 16 or 17 if someone got a football out it was forgotten and maybe that is the answer, the boys got rid of their aggression in physical activity and the girls sat plotting.

My experience so not all the boys and girls in the world but in different schools with big age gaps.

Well the thread is titled ‘why are girls so horrible?’ My answer to that is that it is not particular to girls? Perhaps it’s better and more helpful to ask ‘why are children so horrible?’

Girls are awful because we kid ourselves that their brattiness is assertiveness, and that being bossy with bad attitudes will make them a CEO one day. People can’t recognise where the line is drawn now. I notice that what is considered naughty for a boy to do is excused or encouraged in girls all the time

but the same is done for women both here, in the media and in real life. I know there are double standards for men too but just saying.

Another thing I've found is that even though girls can be very mean and bitchy, the boys are the violent ones, in a way that girls rarely are. One high school near my DD is struggling to keep teachers because of (amongst other stuff) knives being brought into school by boys, with threats to the teachers etc.

We NEVER had any of that years ago. I feel sorry for the kids who just want to learn. There's so much they have to put up with now.

Gilmorehill · Today 11:57

Well the thread is titled ‘why are girls so horrible?’ My answer to that is that it is not particular to girls? Perhaps it’s better and more helpful to ask ‘why are children so horrible?’

Not really. As the sexes can be horrible in different ways it would only be important to stress that both boys and girls can be horrible if there was a strong implication from the OP that one sex was more guilty of this than the other.

There wasn't. She only mentioned girls because it's obvious only girls are bullying her daughter. If boys were too I'm sure she'd say so.

It only becomes important to point that members of other groups do bad things when you are dealing with people who really don't think a particular group/s did anything bad. You get that in discussions of slavery, for instance, when it is often assumed that that was something white people did to black people in the 17th, 18th and 19th centuries and it is important to correct that false picture.

That has me chuckle 🙂

@Seashor that has made me chuckle 🙂

I was at a girls grammar school in the 60s and remember a girl getting expelled for stabbing a boy from the neighbouring boys school in the back. The story was that he was sitting on the bus not interacting with her at all and she stabbed him in the back. I didn't witness it so can't say if that is accurate but yes girls could be violent years ago.

girls could be violent years ago

The statistics for violent crime tell us that men are at least 20x more likely to commit violent crime than women. And those stats don't include rape which is exclusively committed by men. Violent women make the headlines because of their rarity, 'man kills girlfriend' is not news, it happens every week.

Some girls can be horrible but so can boys. My DDs have far more issues with the sexist, homophobic, racist and violent boys at school than the bitchy girls. This real issue are the schools that don't clamp down on it and the parents who don't believe their child is capable of it

If someone posted asking why drivers in Rome are so aggressive would you condescendingly point out that they are aggressive in Paris too?

I wasn't talking about men or women, I was talking about a 14 year old girl stabbing someone. I've got no idea what rape has to do with it, I'm sure the OP's worries about her daughter being bullied by other girls has nothing whatsoever to do with rape statistics.

Still it's always nice to put the metaphorical knife in to men isn't it even when it is nothing to do with what we are talking about i.e. girls bullying another girl but I'm sure if the OP shares that information it will make her daughter view the bullying in a whole new light.

I actually quite enjoy dealing with this type of child in the primary school where I work because, while they know there are video cameras all over the place, they DON'T know which parts of the school are covered, nor whether they can pick up sound.

So when I get one of THOSE children claiming innocence, I just say, "So that's what the headmistress and I are going to see when we look at the video is it? Are you sure?" Funny how often the story changes once I remind them of that.

Then they get thanked for telling the truth, a reminder of the rules and a consequence because telling the truth doesn't get them off the hook and we have a clear and well advertised zero tolerance policy for bullying.

I think girls tend do the whole ‘relational aggression’ thing - bitching, excluding, backstabbing etc. Whereas boys tend to be more directly aggressive. Both me and my brother were considered ‘nerds’ at school but the way we were picked on by others was completely different.

If only all teachers were like you. With my DD her teacher kept telling us these girls are unhappy so my DD had to understand how lucky she was. Fortunately when they tried to drown her on a school trip a parent governor witnessed it and things started to change.