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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume I have been dumped

102 replies

Dumpedagainfml · 11/06/2022 16:21

Am I jaded or am I reasonable?

I had a long first date with a guy last weekend
we texted a bit
last heard from him on Thuraday night
I texted this morning ‘hey morning’ and a funny picture of being on holiday

I have not heard from him - he seen the message
I automatically assume he is ghosting me. Is this normal or am I so jaded?
if I dont hear from him by tomorrow I will assume its a one and done date - aibu to assume this? And just delete his contact.

I am not needy in a sense but I just would rather know one way or the other? i find this irritating flakiness beyond annoying - I am currently on a bus and every single person has their phone in their hand. Honestly. Two seconds ‘looks great - enjoy your day’. aibu.

OP posts:
Onwards22 · 11/06/2022 17:32

He could be ghosting you but then again he could be just busy.

Most days I go all day without texting back as I am usually busy at work.

Yesterday I was at an event all day and then got back late so I didn’t reply to a couple people until this morning.

It’s a Saturday so chances are he’s out doing stuff.

Don’t send any more texts.
If he doesn’t reply at all then take the hint but I wouldn’t waste time asking why etc.

Original poster
Dumpedagainfml · 11/06/2022 17:35

Onwards22 · 11/06/2022 17:32

He could be ghosting you but then again he could be just busy.

Most days I go all day without texting back as I am usually busy at work.

Yesterday I was at an event all day and then got back late so I didn’t reply to a couple people until this morning.

It’s a Saturday so chances are he’s out doing stuff.

Don’t send any more texts.
If he doesn’t reply at all then take the hint but I wouldn’t waste time asking why etc.

I doubt he is busy tbh
Probs married or just doesnt fancy me etc

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 11/06/2022 17:49

He ignored your birthday? There's your answer. He's not interested. Sorry

If you want to wrap this up, you could send him a bright and breezy message eg "I had fun last weekend, but I don't think anything more will come of this. All the best"

Original poster
Dumpedagainfml · 11/06/2022 17:53

notanothertakeaway · 11/06/2022 17:49

He ignored your birthday? There's your answer. He's not interested. Sorry

If you want to wrap this up, you could send him a bright and breezy message eg "I had fun last weekend, but I don't think anything more will come of this. All the best"

Hes a twat

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 11/06/2022 17:55

He's definitely not interested. Dust yourself off and move on, dating is brutal.

Original poster
Dumpedagainfml · 11/06/2022 17:56

Oysterbabe · 11/06/2022 17:55

He's definitely not interested. Dust yourself off and move on, dating is brutal.

Totez fucking brutal isnt it

OP posts:
AceofPentacles · 11/06/2022 18:02

@LisaSimpson77 omg do not ever send an "accidental" text like that - a guy did that to me once after I'd said thanks but no thanks, weirdest most cringe thing ever!

LisaSimpson77 · 11/06/2022 18:04

AceofPentacles · 11/06/2022 18:02

@LisaSimpson77 omg do not ever send an "accidental" text like that - a guy did that to me once after I'd said thanks but no thanks, weirdest most cringe thing ever!

Well yes, it wasn't supposed to be serious advice 😆

Besttobe8001 · 11/06/2022 18:05

I'm going to go against the grain and say if you had one date and didn't sleep together and didn't arrange a second date it's not ghosting or dumping. Yes the polite thing to do would be to message back. This person doesn't owe you anything though

Original poster
Dumpedagainfml · 11/06/2022 18:05

AceofPentacles · 11/06/2022 18:02

@LisaSimpson77 omg do not ever send an "accidental" text like that - a guy did that to me once after I'd said thanks but no thanks, weirdest most cringe thing ever!

Lol I think it was meant to be a joke - its ashame as I think we would have been friends if this never happened like this ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Dumpedagainfml · 11/06/2022 18:07

Besttobe8001 · 11/06/2022 18:05

I'm going to go against the grain and say if you had one date and didn't sleep together and didn't arrange a second date it's not ghosting or dumping. Yes the polite thing to do would be to message back. This person doesn't owe you anything though

your right doll he doesnt owe me anything; just didnt work out

OP posts:
Original poster
Dumpedagainfml · 12/06/2022 09:49

So he texted me back last night at seven because he had been working??

stick or twist??

OP posts:
Whitehorsegirl · 12/06/2022 10:00

Don't you think you are investing/obsessing a bit too much about a man you have only met once?

With OLD most first meetings will likely end up with no further date.

Always make sure you are chatting with several men at the same time so you don't end up focusing too much on just one.

Also always keep your first date short. A quick coffee is usually best. Because you will come across guys who will drag on a date because they have nothing else planned on that day or because they are testing whether they might get sex at the end of it and not because they are really into you and will want to see you again...

Unhomme · 12/06/2022 10:12

Poor guy, give him a break as you're coming across as very needy and a little unhinged.

AlternativePerspective · 12/06/2022 10:28

I’m amazed people ever meet anyone when it’s this much drama.

a guy you’ve met once didn’t text straight back so you think you’re being ghosted, then when he does text you don’t believe he was where he says he was, because you’re not his first priority after 1 date.

honestly you sound like hard work.

LilyMarshall · 12/06/2022 10:33

I think youre massively over invested in someone you have met once. Your reaction yesterday was ridiculous. Have you anyone else youre talking to? Dont narrow down to one so fast.

reply to his text by arranging another date. Stop wasting time on messaging.

RollOnWinter · 12/06/2022 10:35

Did you have sex with him? If so, it's safe to say that he had the sex, and didn't need to stay around to get to know you.

If not, perhaps he's a) seeing other women, b) seeing his mates, c) busy with work, d) doesn't want to get into conversations via texts, or e) not that interested. Get on with your life and don't bother.

Galvanisa · 12/06/2022 10:39

Dumpedagainfml · 11/06/2022 16:41

Would any of yous message him again calling him out?? I want to send ‘i am not interested in your romantically but lets be friends. There its not hard is it’ fucking exhausted with dating

Why do you want to be his friend?

I don’t get it

you’ll just look short of friends

just delete and move on- your communication styles don’t match and he probably isn’t interested anyway

dudsville · 12/06/2022 10:45

There's a lot going on here for a first date, and I think that itensity makes it hard to see things clearly. Who knows what's going on with him. Personally I wouldn't necessarily be that invested to bother with a new person's birthday, but I do tend to reply to messages of people I like, unless they come through when I'm working when I might notice it, not have time to reply, and then forget BUT i would be unlikely to forget a message from someone I was really excited about.

The ideas about messaging him to close it down are uneccesary and would be percieved as defensive by anyone clued in. Unless he asks if you'd like to meet up again there's no need to close it down, as it's already closed for him.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 12/06/2022 10:49

Your OP says you're not needy.
Sorry, but you are.
You're coming across as desperate.

Chikapu · 12/06/2022 10:51

I think you're expecting way too much after one date, he's practically a stranger. He's not a twat or a douche for not wanting to see you again, neither of you have anything invested after spending a few hours together. This level of navel gazing sounds exhausting.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 12/06/2022 11:09

It's a week after your last date. He hasn't suggested another date. He isn't interested in you, by the sounds of it.
I'd just stop texting.
Despite your protestations to the contrary, you so sound a little too invested after just one date.
Happy belated birthday and enjoy your holiday.

Herejustforthisone · 12/06/2022 11:56

Bin him. He ignored your birthday. You can do better.

Onwards22 · 12/06/2022 12:21

So he texted me back last night at seven because he had been working??

stick or twist??

End it.
You’re both incompatible.

You want someone to text you throughout the day and he can’t/doesn’t want to text during work.

Neither of you are wrong or right, you’re just different and it’s not going to work.

Onwards22 · 12/06/2022 12:23

I think youre massively over invested in someone you have met once.

I agree.

You are still strangers and are upset he didn’t text you happy birthday.

It sounds like you want a ready made relationship which isn’t possible.

Take things slow and let things progress naturally and you’ll have a much better, longer lasting relationship.