Would you be put off by a man who doesn't drive?

[ItDoesMyHeadIn]

I was. Cancelled the date. I'm being too fussy apparently. To be fair my friend is married to a man who doesn't drive and he's amazing. Neither of my parents drive. The guy I was going to date could afford it, he just can't be arsed. He is happy to walk everywhere or use public transport. Up to him. But I would want to be with someone who can literally take the wheel sometimes. Like fuck do I want to be the one driving 8 hours up to Scotland for a holiday, or being the one to always collect the takeaway etc. I'm pretty traditional and sometimes I admit I would want my man to pick me up and take me out for dinner etc (fuck off crazy feminists, yes I can take myself out for dinner). I didn't actually realise how much of a deal breaker this was until it was put in front of me! Interested in opinions...

@MrsBrett20
i would hope that people would differentiate between someone who wasn’t able to drive and someone who chooses not to. Completely different scenarios.

@MrsBrett20 I can honestly say, I have never seen such judgement and prejudice about being a non-driver outside of MN so I wouldn't worry.
Anyone who didn't want to date you simply because you don't drive isn't worth it.

Unless there is a medical reason, which can be addressed, I would not recommend a bus stop guy.

Men who refuse to drive are just as controlling as women who refuse to drive.

He will need you to take him places, pay for the mainainence and fuel, love him for being pathetic and ferry him about.

It's unusual though. Men who don't want to drive - Passengers.

Yes it would. The freedom driving brings cannot be understood if you’re a non-driver.

I agree. DH and I have driven to the Isle of Skye every year for the past 10 years (Covid years excepted). We do it over three days, sharing the driving. We can choose our route and where we stay overnight. And we can choose to stay wherever we want on the island. That’s the freedom the car gives us.

Who the hell are you calling "pathetic"? I don't drive by choice (though I do have a licence). I depend upon no one. I cycle to work/to the shops (yes, it is possible to carry a full 25kg sack of spuds on a bike). For longer journeys I use public transport, the first train departs at 04:30. I don't need, nor want anyone to drive me.

Three days of driving sounds tedious, whichever seat you're in. Much more civilised to take the Caledonian Sleeper to the Highlands. I've done it, even used some of the buses on Skye. The island is actually pretty well covered by public transport.

The only pathetic ones are those on this thread name calling and judging non-drivers.

I Cancelled a first date with someone, there were a couple of things niggling me then he said he had never bothered to learn to drive. Something about the language there. I dated someone who didn’t learn to drive as he was too busy getting high.
i think if someone’s made a deliberate choice not to learn to drive, or can drive but had made a deliberate decision not to or if someone had a medical reason not to drive then it wouldn’t bother me to be in a relationship as the only driver. But it is when someone just can’t be bothered but then expects me to drive them everywhere that I think it’s an indicator of how they may be in general in the relationship,

fully accept I may be just completely over course correcting in order go avoid another awful relationship like I had with the stoner guy.

@tararabumdeay

He will need you to take him places, pay for the maintenance and fuel, love him for being pathetic and ferry him about.

You've put the cat amongst the pigeons there lass! I can hear the froth bubbling on the thread. 😂

My final word on this thread because I think I've pretty much said everything I want to,...

Quite a few non drivers on here have been all smarmy and sanctimonious like, saying 'oh ha ha I love it when drivers who depend on their car go so batshit and hysterical when their car lets him down and they're absolutely stuck without it.'

All the lolz. I'll tell you something, during my life, I have been let down a LOT more by bloody public transport than by ANY car. I can count on the fingers of one hand in the last 45 plus years of my life, that I've been let down by a car breaking down/not working/not starting.

I have been let down time and time again again and again and again, by public transport. Be that trains, buses, or planes! When I was using public transport for for quite a number of years (probably a good 15 to 20 years, even when I could drive, but DH had the car,) I lost count of the amount of times I was late for something. because the train was late, or I had job interviews that I missed because the train was cancelled, or I missed appointments at hospitals because the bus was late.

I didn't pass my driving test until I was 27 and I've worked since I was 16. SO I got the bus or train for 11 years straight then. I lived on the fringes of a medium sized town and I worked in a couple of jobs that had odd working hours, and they weren't close enough to home to walk so I had to depend on public transport. And like I said, even when I could drive and DH had the car, I had to use public transport. And again, I lost count of the amount of times I was late because of the shitty unreliable public transport. And things that had to be cancelled. Probably 100s of times during my lifetime.

And don't anyone come on here and tell me that YOUR public transport is spot on and never late and never cancelled, because I won't believe you.

@PurpleButterflyWings 'All the lolz' , how old are you? 12?

No I wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t drive, I find that quite unattractive.

@PurpleButterflyWings wow, I've not been smarmy. Just felt the need to point out that driving is expensive (which it is). I've no driving history.

It's been eye-opening the contempt to be honest.

Didn't pass your test til you were 27 @PurpleButterflyWings ?? Surprised you found anyone who wanted to date you.

This is so true.

OMG you're so right!

There's no way on earth I could possibly allow extra time for any delays being a non driver as planning and organising your life only belong to drivers and are imparted to you on passing your driving test. To not have one or fail to reach the standard required clearly means that you cannot posses the skills to accept that and plan around it so you take into account such things.

And it never, ever occurred to me that my life may be enhanced by driving in some ways, nor that I could possibly accept that it isn't happening for me and just get on with my life and live it, clearly it's so offensive to people it does not and never will affect, I have been extremely naive to think that something that affects me only is of no interest to others.

I'm totally in debt to all you wonderful drivers who have helped me see the light - just one question though, as this really only affects me, why are you taking your precious time and energy to impart such wisdom on such non entities like non drivers? Surely you've got much more mighty and important things to be doing, only available to you because you have a driving license?

It’s quite difficult to plan for a suddenly cancelled train TBF. That’s quite a long delay,

The shallowness and materialism in 5his thread is appalling.

It's no wonder so many women end up with dickheads if being a driver is a pre-requisite.

Heaven's forbid we judge someone on their personality.

This thread has been going for a week now and it's no nearer to being sorted. It'll be time for the next non driving thread soon.

No thread ever gets sorted. It hits 1000 posts right before I come up with the best post ever.

One day all the driving (or not)/ cat poo in the garden/shoes on or off in the house/reclining (or not) seats on an airplane/saving tables in a cafe threads will all be neatly concluded with a definitive answer. And MN talk will be no more.

Oh my goodness @PurpleButterflyWings can I ask why the vitriol at others and all the capitalisation? it's just driving a car - it's a choice!

Neither of my parents were medically allowed to drive. For a young woman growing up in the outskirts of London that meant getting to know safe public transport options. I never resented them one bit. The funny part as well is, if my father had wanted a Arnage or an Autobiography as a family car he could have, but .. medical status being what it was, we 'made do' with taxis and trains.

Perhaps its why I understood my DH when, upon meeting him in 2011, I find out he doesn't drive. Passed his test, but lived in global cities for work since then (NYC, KL, SF). I was far more attracted to his drive, personality, humour, kindness, zest for life, than worrying about whether I'd be 'ferrying him around' or 'being his personal taxi'.

Fast forward a decade and due to DC, and living in the suburbs, he did refresher lessons, bought a nice car, stuck child seats in, etc.

Do I respect him any more? No. I don't see him as having now acquired a 'basic life skill' or whatever nonsense gets spouted from folk desperate to justify their life choices.

Driving is a choice. But oh my, don't we have to hear from drivers as to how their choice indirectly gives a huge benefit to others.

Why, why do drivers on these threads like to belittle others? Is it so hard to say 'no' to giving a lift? Do you realise people like my parents and my DH got around for years without even asking for a lift?

Never mind, Sparkling, the SAHM vs WOHM threads will be with us for all time, or to the end of the internet at least.

Couldn't agree more with this post.

It's just weird that loads of eligible men are immediately dismissed because their life experience to date didn't involve them sitting in some crappy UK town learning to drive at 17 and working their way up over a dozen years to a 3 series or medium sized SUV...

Yet you get really interesting, cosmopolitan, world-travelling, funny and highly successful men...who are immediately dismissed because they couldn't ever share the driving on a mini break in Crete.

It's a good job we all like different things I guess!