To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

My favourite is the child that continually kicks the back of the seat in front of them. I don’t expect young children to be impeccably behaved at all times and I certainly don’t expect them to be quiet. But I do think parents should make an effort, firstly to keep little ones entertained and secondly to tell them what’s okay and not okay to do. Parents who just ignore terrible behaviour are irresponsible and inconsiderate.

*parents 🙄

Not all children are badly behaved these days, but the worst behaved children are those who are bored with nothing engaging to do and have parents that completely ignore them. These children are then a nuisance to everyone around them, but it's not really the childrens' fault. Comes down to poor/absent parenting I'm afraid.🙄YANBU

I completely agree but I see adults doing this even more often than children. It's quite rare that I get the train and there isn't an (adult) idiot blasting out a video or music. I also see adults doing it in the pub quite often, bafflingly.

This is exactly the parental attitude most of this thread is referring to…

Small children can be difficult to keep happy, but older children should know better and their parents certainly should.

Unfortunately it's the same everywhere, there seems to have developed a standard where kids are the focus of attention and everyone should just accept it. I'm a Mum but no way would I let my dc ruin others' lives! I see far too often parents who let their kids run amok til late. Parents, like myself, are responsible for and should control their children. Yes they may be bored, so WE need to entertain them, it's hard and tiring but that's what we accept and do. Am guilty of letting too much screen time etc as is the modern age, but no way outside the home should our dc disrupt others. As I said hard work, only the lazy don't do it. There are also I like to think mostly like thinking parents, as with everything the minority spoil it. X

Just like all of these people who hold their phones in front of them to have a conversation just about anywhere! Or video chat! If I have to ring or accept a call I will scurry to a corner and speak quietly as on a house phone, not blare out my conversation to everyone! Unfortunately the norm but so bloody rude imo. X

Sometimes there is just nothing you can do when they are having a tantrum. Nobody wants to listen to it.

I mean, there’s only so much a parent can do. As a parent myself if my child is having a tantrum and is inconsolable I just tell myself that I’m somewhere kids are allowed and so people should expect and accept it. Maybe a private jet for your next break?

It’s reasonable to expect parents to make all efforts to ensure their little one’s behave as well as can be expected. But sometimes despite all efforts, unfamiliar surrounding, excitement or anything can set them off and it can be hard to control. Also it’s hard to tell whether the children have other challenges also which may be affecting their behaviour. Not everything is visual. I guess we all need to practice some kindness and understanding. I used to travel a lot and I was so intolerant to kids before I became a mum and now I 100% empathise.

What difference does that make? She met 4 sets of useless parents who shouldn't have bothered having kids. They can't be assed to discipline them and that's how we end up with adults who are selfish twats.

If you're at least trying and it's not working, that's fine. It won't always work, but at least you are trying. Sitting there and ignoring the kid you wanted however? Bad parenting.

Exactly. My ASD ds gets worse with the wrong kind of reaction to his meltdown. We do teach no means no, even with a meltdown, and we stick to it. It doesn't stop the meltdown, and we have been told it might never.

But the fact that you WERE worried suggests that you would be the type of proactive parent to do your best to prepare your child and interact with her, and stop her kicking the seat etc. It's the parents who actually don't even THINK about the wellbeing of other passengers who are likely to be the troublesome ones who can't be arsed making sure their child behaves.

Pre Baby I hated hated when people flew unnecessarily with any child under the age of 7! I was that person rolling eyes and mumbling under my breath becuase as OP said my experince has always been negative on flights and ferries. E.g Mum sleeping while baby screams bloody murder on a night ferry. I still get anxious when I think of it.

We flew with our 6 month old ONLY becuase DH parents are too old to travel and the flight is long haul 11+ his dad is 88 years old and we don't know how long they have left. This is their first grandchild. So we had to take the trip. I was bricking it. I prepped like a mad woman 2 hand luggages were just DS snacks, toys, distractions, dummy, essentials etc. I was prepared for the absolute worst. He did so well and only cried a little when he was uncomfortable in the Bassinet. But I and Hubby jumped into action (overnight flight) I whipped out the dummy and boob when he got restless and in the early morning we entertained him loads with his toys and games and movement.
When it's a baby you have no control over their temperament but you can try to do your best. I'm an exhausted first time Mum - DS had silent reflux until 5 months and becuase of it he is now quiet a sensitive bubba.

Things we did to mitigate disruptions - Book and reserve baby seats at the front with bassinet. Prepare and bring 20million things with us. Both have back up plans for a meltdown.

On our return flight we were sat next to FTP lland their little girl who was 9 months. Long hail yeah and parents bought her Jack all for the flight. Yes it was overnight but you spend 4 hours in daylight.
Dad was unbothered and wanted to play angry birds on the monitors and expected baby to stay interested for more then 10mins. When she fussed they did a movie - again 9 month old not going to watch an hour long kids cartoon. Then they were all out of ideas. When the Baby saw our toys she was reaching over.
She was unsettled bored and screeching. Woke my little boy - who slept like a champ. Even when he fought to sleep through the screeching but the 3rd screeching session was too much. They didnt take her for a walk or try anything other then rocking sat down, Monitor, over feeding.
Dad was fed up and kept walking off and leaving Mum hiffing and puffing.

As it was our first flight I didn't know if cabin pressure would affect DS ears so to avoid drama I wacked in a dumny during Taxi and when they announced descending I wacked it in again. I then landslide to his ear and sang all his favourite Nursery Rhymes. Sidenote my DS refused Dummy from day one in prep for the journey I had to train him to accept it.

Also who the hell willingly with no good reason flys long haul for a holiday with small children. I don't agree with this - don't shoot me. I would never take long haul and will avoid flying until DS and DC are old enough to behave. My parents never flew until I the youngest was 5 and my older brother was 9.
We only went due to elderly in-laws. There were people on the flight who took their kids on half term 1 week on a 11+ hour flight to a not very kid friendly country. Made no sense. Again would never do it but it was for family.

This airline we flew with do not permit any children under 3 in business or first class. The statement made "people opt for this to get away from small children". 😆

YANBU - from a FTM

I think lots of people on this thread are forgetting that the children who struggle on planes because of their ASD turn into adults who struggle on planes because of their ASD. Those adults also deserve not to have their seat back kicked or have an ipad game blaring out next to them for 2 hours. ASD children do need to be taught how to deal with people saying no to them, and having to stick to non-negotiable rules about safety because, well, that's life and some things ARE non-negotiable. To just take the attitude "he has ASD therefore he should be allowed to do what he wants otherwise he has a meltdown" is wrong on an environment like a plane. Anyone who DOES take that attitude should perhaps think of waiting till their child is over before taking them on a plane, until the child has learned some strategies to deal with their intense frustration. Take an alternative type of holiday until then - one which suits your child's needs more.

And everyone will have seen your efforts to deal with it and stop the bad behaviour, and appreciate that, even if he DOES have a meltdown as a result. People are for the most part kind and understanding, especially if parents explain that their child has ASD.

YANBU. The parents should be doing something about all the things you mentioned. But I have 3 children, 5,3,9 months. The thought of going on a flight with them now… terrifying. I am a good parent, with boundaries, and respect and morals. But if one of my DC weren’t enjoying the flight they could make it very difficult. Although I wouldn’t sit doing nothing… I couldn’t guarantee there wouldn’t be a tantrum that would piss people off!

I bring in fruits and veggies all the time 😆

Every child is different. Well done to all of you who have perfectly well behaved children and who have done a great job at raising them so well. Big pat on the back to you.

You are being ignorant and insensitive. My family lives in the USA, my husband and I live in GB. Why should I not take my son to visit his grandparents because he is ASD? Why should any child with a neurological challenge be denied the right to fly for someone else's peace of mind? Yes it is a struggle to keep my son seated and entertained, but telling him we can't visit is worse.

@JKRowlingDevilWoman Ah, the age old ‘I’ve never seen that so it doesn’t exist’ argument. Why would I be making this up? :D is everyone else on the thread talking about their similar experiences lying too?

@Nik2019 But by allowing your child to kick someone’s seat or shout loudly etc they ARE being rude, don’t you see that?

Lol, what are you talking about? U ok hun? I wasn’t complaining about the technology being used in the second example or the dad’s involvement, it was the fact the kid was in the aisle for landing 😂

Do you even have kids lol .
move traveled all over with my kids , some flights they are saints , others they won’t shut up .
none of what you described is considered children out of control IMO