DH started call for me without asking me

[mummykik]

So AIBU ... DH and I are in the process of buying a house and one of the things we needed was a bank statement in my name. As we have a joint account, we have always just used it from his phone and his internet banking ... so all the statements have his name only (since its his member number etc). Anyway, its a quick fix, all I had to do was give the bank a call to get my internet banking set up and I'd be able to print out a bank statement. Easy.

I told DH that I would get on to it today ... We have two kids and work full time so in my head had planned to do it around 1pm when I usually have my lunch break. Anyway, this morning as I'm lying in bed (very rare moment of peace for myself), I hear DH talking on the phone with the bank "my wife needs to set up her internet banking etc" ... of course they need to talk to me so my husband then says "she's right here" comes into the room and passes me the phone to get it all sorted.

The thing is, yes it wasn't an onerous task and was a task that would be solved by a simple phone call BUT I had said I would do it today (in my own time) + I was still in bed, just waking up, without my laptop, member numbers (all the things that I needed to talk to the guy on the phone).

So yes it gets sorted and I say to DH "you could have at least told me you were ringing the bank before giving me the phone" and he said cheerily 'It's solved now, no harm done"

SO AIBU to be pissed off? While this sounds like an exaggeration I feel like as if my own agency as a functioning human was taken away from me.

I think YABU, but I'm probably biased because my husband has never made a phone call or sorted anything out for us. I would be happy not to have to wait half an hour on hold.

...he said cheerily 'It's solved now, no harm done.’

He’s minimising.

He could as easily have said ‘sorry’.

YANBU.
If he was able to solve it fully, end to end, it would be still strange, but this way the only thing he did was to push you to do it on his terms.

I honestly don't understand the voting and comments in this thread, with so many people finding reasons why you should be happy just because a man picked up a phone, even when the real value of the work he did by that was literally zero.

YANBU at all.

I also would be pissed off.

Indeed in the moment to say I will call them back would have been the correct thing to do but I get you were groggy, just got up and did it, but upon reflection are well pissed off.

The worst bit is disturbing you in the bed.

Do it back to him tomorrow morning and maybe he'll get it.

Ring a guy about a job you want done, preferably a tricky job, that he would normally look after, wake him and stick the phone in his face. See how he likes it when you say "no harm done"😁

I'd LOVE it if my DH did this for me!

I’d be annoyed. He didn’t save you a job, he forced you into doing the job on his terms when you already had a plan of action.

I should also say: whatever the specific circumstance, YABVVVVU to use his phone and his internet banking.

I'm not sure how much you can go on about agency when you don't seem interested in having access to your own bank accounts.

I also imagine this must mean he does most of the payments and accounting admin.

I think you’re being precious

I think you’re being precious

As we all are, from time to time, and have every right to be. OP, his dismissal of your feelings 'No harm done' is a worry. Does he do this often?

@mummykik More importantly, I don't think you actually do have a joint bank account. A joint bank account will have both peoples' names on it, as will the statements. So if your 'joint' account statements only have your DH's name on it, it's only his account, not a joint one, and you have no legal right to access any of the money in it.

My DH is like this, in the sense that he hates having a 'to-do' list: he gets stuff done immediately. In fact, he gets frustrated when he can't do something straight away because phone lines have shut by the time he opens a letter after work or he needs the post office and it's closed or whatever. He does sometimes prompt me to complete tasks if I don't do them quickly but he's never gone so far as to start a call for me. On the whole, it doesn't annoy me really because at least things get sorted quickly and I am definitely not one of those mn-ers bogged down with the mental load because DH is very good at getting things done.

You’d LOVE it if your husband woke you up while you were trying to sleep/rest to make you complete a task you wanted to do at a different time? Why would you love that? How weird.

Although I must say it’s so disheartening to see so many women saying things like ‘well my husband does absolutely nothing, you should be happy he’s doing anything’ or ‘thank your lucky stars he doesn’t physically abuse you.’ I really thought the bar was higher nowadays, it’s really sad reading.

Dialed a phone number for you at 7am? Why?

MN has been infiltrated by handmaidens lately.

UPDATE AND EDIT

Seeing as there are so many opinions and assumptions on this post, I want to just say one more thing and then I will "get a life" (as helpfully suggested by a number of you) and not engage with this post anymore.

1. I asked if I was being unreasonable to be pissed off. Maybe I wasn't clear, but pissed off does not equal seriously angry, close to divorce, livid, seething ... it is a minor emotion. It means 'annoyed' (people can be 'pissed off' because Mcdonald's forgot their hash brown in their takeaway bag, or 'pissed off' because they had a meeting at 1pm and everyone was late ...or you can be 'pissed off' because your neighbours cat is roaming on your property again). That's it. I was just annoyed. Nothing major. I did not have a massive argument with my husband or make his life a living hell, I have not spent the last 7 hours of my life stewing over this, I was simply venting about being annoyed about being suddenly given the phone to get these details after only just waking up (take note of that fact too, I had just woken up and was having a rare lie-in, so yes, I possibly overreacted by writing a post here - goodness help all of you who seem to have NEVER woken up in a bad mood or ever had a negative thought to all your dear husbands ever.)
2. I am a proactive person who takes care of her own share of the household. So is my husband. He is not someone who NEVER does anything and neither am I. I was pissed off because in this particular instance he didn't give me the courtesy of a 'Are you awake? I was thinking of giving the bank a quick call since I'm free to sort out the online banking'. That's it. I do that for him and was just annoyed he didn't do it for me. In saying that, I told him. He understands and it's a minor thing.
3. I do not need to feel 'lucky' that my husband doesn't abuse me or act violently towards me. In all honestly, this was probably the scariest response of all. Why is the bar for marriage so low? I don't need to feel lucky that he is not like that - NO MAN OR WOMAN SHOULD ACT LIKE THAT.
4. A big sarcastic Thank You to all of you who suggested I am a weak individual or that my husband must suffer from my constant dependence on him because I didn't have internet banking set up. No one likes a tome to read and it wasn't an important point so I didn't include it in my original post. But since so many had a problem with this, here is the clarification. Yes I have my own bank accounts and yes I also have several joint bank accounts. We have lived in multiple countries and have investments in several countries. I manage 1 joint bank account, he manages the other - that's it. We have also NEVER needed the statements in one name only until now (a specific UK request).
5. In regards to being stressed about buying property. Yes of course. Buying property is super stressful and him and I are both stressed. We have bought before and know the process. Most importantly he knows I'm capable and reliable. All I wanted to express was that I was pissed off that he just sprang the call on me when I would have (and have always) done it.
6. I am not in a deep unhappy marriage simply because I was pissed off about a minor issue. Maybe all the commenters who have insinuated this are complete angels who never get annoyed about anything. If so, power to you. Good luck and enjoy. I am mortal.

There are more but this is enough.To end my rant I just want to say that this is supposed to be a forum for Mums to vent/learn/share/empathize. The amount of nasty (and personally directed) comments on this truly shocked me. I encourage all those who wrote those comments to think about your own lives and try and actually put yourself in the tired (stressed) shoes of a mum. I certainly have learned my lesson and won't vent here again.

At this present moment my husband is eating an ice cream while my children are watching TV. I've done the dishes and he vaccumed. We are deciding if we should go out for Tea. He is fine. I am fine. This thread is done.

Gosh. Think people were just offering their suggestions and trying to get a better picture... Why start a thread if you don't want people to show an interest? Did you just need a chorus of 'poor you'?

Yabu
I’ve done similar in the past when DH has had time to sort something that concerns boy of us but doesn’t.
it doesn’t sound like it too a long time. Now you’ve 1pm free

Oops ignore my comment

To be fair, they'd have probably needed his permission to change things on the account if everything has his name...

A very good update, OP. I don’t know why people feel it necessary to launch into attack mode, but I’m glad all is well with you.

The only part of all this where you were unreasonable OP, is that you are married years, have children, and he doesn't know better than to disturb you unnecessarily when you are asleep, having a rare sleep in.

Big mistake.

Bar a child injured/house on fire, we really wouldn't disturb each other.....we have been married a long time though and both love our sleep!😁

Good luck with the move👍

she obviously didn't feel the need for it previously. She said she'd do it at lunchtime.

how did he make it easier? He dialled a number. FFS

he made it HARDER because she didn't have the details to hand that she needed.

Something similar happened to me in a past relationship. Phone calls would be made on my behalf, without my knowledge and then the phone handed to me mid conversation.
It got worse. I would receive phone calls and letters answering queries which I was supposed to have raised with various different organisations, except I hadn't , my partner had.
He would " helpfully " write letters and then sign them with my name, failing to tell me anything about it. I had letters from the bank, from government departments and other places all answering queries from letters he had written to them pretending to be me.
Nowadays it would proably be called coercive behaviour. He didn't think he had done anything wrong when I challenegd him.