DH started call for me without asking me

[mummykik]

So AIBU ... DH and I are in the process of buying a house and one of the things we needed was a bank statement in my name. As we have a joint account, we have always just used it from his phone and his internet banking ... so all the statements have his name only (since its his member number etc). Anyway, its a quick fix, all I had to do was give the bank a call to get my internet banking set up and I'd be able to print out a bank statement. Easy.

I told DH that I would get on to it today ... We have two kids and work full time so in my head had planned to do it around 1pm when I usually have my lunch break. Anyway, this morning as I'm lying in bed (very rare moment of peace for myself), I hear DH talking on the phone with the bank "my wife needs to set up her internet banking etc" ... of course they need to talk to me so my husband then says "she's right here" comes into the room and passes me the phone to get it all sorted.

The thing is, yes it wasn't an onerous task and was a task that would be solved by a simple phone call BUT I had said I would do it today (in my own time) + I was still in bed, just waking up, without my laptop, member numbers (all the things that I needed to talk to the guy on the phone).

So yes it gets sorted and I say to DH "you could have at least told me you were ringing the bank before giving me the phone" and he said cheerily 'It's solved now, no harm done"

SO AIBU to be pissed off? While this sounds like an exaggeration I feel like as if my own agency as a functioning human was taken away from me.

I'm assuming that he called them himself in order to find out what the procedure was. He probably didn't expect them to deal with it then and there, and that they'd just give him the information.

That's happened to me plenty of times. I've phoned somewhere for info and they've been more proactive and efficient than I expected and it's been done in the one call.

I'd just be glad that he'd taken on the workload.

This is exactly why I was pissed off

It wasn't the fact that he was doing something that was annoying me, it was the assumption that when he thinks it's the right time to do something, then that IS the right time. I just feel he should have mentioned to me he was calling (he KNEW I would have to take the call)

I do actually get this. See, I'm just impressed you have a DH who takes the mental load and the initiative to get shit done - I'd love one of those! But, equally, I'd hate it if he unilaterally decided now is the right time to do x or y and gave me no option. Some discussion about it would be a nice middle ground - ie. It occurs to him that something needs doing, and he says to you "when should we do x?" My DH wouldn't even get as far as it occurring to him - apparently that's my job. 🙄

This would really annoy me. I don’t need micromanaged if I’ve committed to doing something.

whats his excuse?

This isn’t taking the mental load. It’s frankly patronising. It’s something only the op can do and which she said she would. It’s inconveniencing her and causing her more work to get everything.

Im sure there are other things in the house he could have done if he was bored. The more I think about this the more it irritates me 😂

Would it be different if he'd said 'Do you want to talk to the bank and set up online banking now, I've got them on the line'?

Exactly this.

Maybe I didn't make my point clear enough in my pissed off write up 😂but essentially I always do my share (we both do) and there are plenty of things he COULD have done.

I guess I was pissed off because it made me feel like I was a child or something, unable to do something without someone else 'starting' it for me.

I'd be annoyed that he didn't mention it before making the call. Especially if I was still in bed feeling a bit groggy still! I wouldn't want to speak to my bank when I hadn't fully woken up yet knowing they would need account numbers etc which I obviously would not have to hand.
YANBU op.

I'm with you OP. I would not want to speak to the bank from my bed and would find this intensely annoying. I had an ex who would do things like this, despite the fact that he should have known better. One of the reasons he's an ex 😆

I think this is one of those intention is everything situations a bit regardless of how it made you feel. Did he think (does he think) that you are a little girl who can;t be trusted to adult, or did he think that he was being helpful? I mean either way you might want to address it but differntly depending on the intention IYSWIM?

Buying/Selling a house is one of the most stressful things people have to deal with (iirc it’s third after death and divorce).

For the sake of your own sanity I really would let this go.

He hasn't saved her a job. HTH. He made her do a job before she was ready to do it, which is pretty controlling in my book.

Honestly if you get this annoyed about something like that then it doesn’t sound a very happy or healthy relationship

This would have totally pissed me off but as I am very passive aggressive I would have said on the phone "sorry, I don't have any of the details I need so I'll have to call you back later".

The "no harm done!" comment would also piss me off because it's implying that your feelings are completely irrelevant as long as the task was completed. Smug git.

I suspect you’re one of those people who is constantly saying “Oh I’ll do that tomorrow/at lunchtime” and then procrastinates.

The fact that you’re not set up on internet banking anyway and have never bothered suggests that he’s had to push this or he knew you’d never do it.

We see posts on here all the time from OP’s whose dh’s promise to do things and then don’t. So I suspect your DH took charge because this is important and he knew that if he didn’t, you wouldn’t.

Much better to get it done in the morning, trying to get through to the back at lunchtime world be much trickier. So I can see why he did it.

But it would annoy me too.

I simply cannot see the issue. It was something that needed to be done and it is now done. You have a free lunch hour that you now won't need to spend hanging on the phone and to me that would be a positive.

Early morning if you are able to make it is a better time to get these calls in as the long waiting times have frequently not yet built up much.

You might be annoyed, but he still did nothing wrong. Let it go and unclench.

No you are not being unreasonable to be annoyed (well mildly irritated would be a more appropriate reaction) however you are being totally unreasonable to spend half the morning whinging about it on MN.
Move on.

A - he managed to get through to a bank without you having to be on hold for hours

B - you got it done without getting out of bed.

Both wins in my book. Annoying but it's done now.

What a huge overreaction. Lost your agency as a human…

im with your DH when he says no harm done. A minor annoyance that you should brush off and carry on with your day

My husband does this all the time! he WBVVVU!!!! It drives me nuts that someone else feels they have to micromanage your planned day. Like your time doesn’t matter and everything has to be done on their timescale or it doesn’t count. Grrrrr! Sorry projecting a bit there!

Mildly annoying but unless there's a billion other issues, it doesn't seem like anything more than that. To me, this is like starting a thread because there was one time when your DH was ten minutes late picking you up from the station or something - a minor irritation but really weird to dwell on it this much.

If someone posted here that they were selling their house, that DH refused to be on internet banking and had to be,and kept saying they’d do it the response would be “I would call the bank and then hand the phone to your dh.”

OP isn’t bothered about doing banking. She’s happy to leave everything to her dh, just as many women complain about having to do for their dh’s. Now she needs to be on the banking and she’s putting it off but this is important.

I imagine something would have come up that meant she didn’t get round to it at lunchtime, or teatime, and it would have caused arguments.

Sounds like something you've procrastinated on, and that he wanted sorted. So he's sorted it. Let it go. Don't procrastinate regarding important financial stuff going forward.