New job sold as something it wasn't.

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

This is the second time I've written this (lost the first one) so I'll try and keep it to the point.

I've been a SAHM to my DC for the past 4 years. My youngest is starting school in September so I would have gone back to work then but an opportunity presented itself about 3 months ago that seemed to good to be true.

I've ruined my life for the sake of this job. I'm sworn and shouted at. Spoken down to and unsupported. Haven't been given proper guidance or training. Each piece of feedback conflicts with the last so nothing makes sense. Today I have a catch-up and every single point was negative. I'm not perfect but I know my work is good. I feel like I'm being sabotaged by my manager but I have no idea why as she chose to hire me.

This sounds ridiculous but she's 'joked' that she wanted to throw acid at me on several occasions (prompted by an office discussion about something on the telly). My mental health is on the floor but if I leave without a new job to go to it will destroy us financially.

I was poorly over the weekend and caught myself daydreaming about how nice it would be to be hospitalised so I wouldn't have to go to work. I would never harm myself in reality but that's how bad things are. I don't know what I'm asking for really. I just needed to vent because I feel so lost.

Apply for a new job?

What's the set up? Small/large company? Is there an HR dept?

Start writing down incidents, times, dates etc.

I've lost count at this point how many I've applied for over the past month.

Phone ACAS. See the GP, you need some time off if your mental health is so bad you are fantasising about injury to avoid work. No job is worth that.

I don't want to be vague so I'll do my best. I wouldn't say it was small as such, has quite a large team with dedicated departments BUT each team is managed by a family member of the boss. The boss and all management behave in the same way as my own manager (the only person not related). It is in a way a family business or sorts but on quite a large scale. There isn't anyone I can go to within the company that would do anything or care.

I know you're right I'm honestly just terrified about how we'll cope financially. The worst of it would only be short term but it would be bad enough that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills.

You were a SAHM up until 3 months ago?
Lwave the job immediately. If they say you have to give notice tell them that you are leaving due to the inappropriate remarks made towards you by your manager and you will be leaving immediately.

Forget you ever worked there and keep applying for other jobs.

This sounds really awful OP. Could your finances take it if you managed to get an interim job somewhere like a supermarket or retail? Just as a stop gap to get you out, as I can't imagine being in a good headspace to apply for new jobs where you are.

Yep 3 months and I'd been at home for 4 years (I'd always worked previous to this). I've gone from being with my DC everyday to know working full time and feel like I'm living a nightmare.

Would it really destroy you financially if you left? Particularly as you weren't planning on working until September? No job is worth your mental health. And don't worry about not getting a reference. You don't have to mention this job on any application.

Sorry this is happening to you though. You shouldn't be treated like that.

Could you financially cope on SSP for a while? What is the policy at your work?
I think its imperative you find something else as soon as possible. Have you applied for anything else yet? Do speak to ACAS.

I'd honestly take anything if it meant I could leave. I'm applying for jobs everyday but just not hearing back from anyone. DH is as supportive as he can be and if I could walk about tomorrow with us literally just scrapping by he'd say to do it but (like most of the country I guess) we don't have a cushion. Having this job was meant to be the start of wonderful things. Savings and holidays, just generally not having to worry. I'd happily go back to before if I could.

I don't know if anyone has experience of universal credit but my the crossover month after leaving this job would mean no wages coming in and barely any UC, we'd have to rely totally on DH's wage and it wouldn't cover all the bills that month. That sounds so entitled, it was part of the reason I was so desperate to get back to work. I hated being beholden to the system and it's horribly backfired.

They sound absolutely awful! Can you save any of your next months pay packet to help toward the wait for UC?
Also make sure you tailor your cv to each of the roles you are applying for, so if they say they’re looking for something make sure you include the relevant skills as high up as you can

Tell the utilities companies to wait. They won't do anything if you don't pay the bills on time. Not if you communicate with them. Loads of people can't pay their bills at the moment.

Phone Acas and get advice about whether you have any kind of discrimination claim and if you do, go after them for that. They may want to settle without going to tribunal (depending on how bad things are and the evidence you have) so that might get you enough money to tide you over until you get a new job.

I do then agree with pp - you were a stay at home mum for a long time, so just leave this job off your CV.

No job is worth your mental health (although appreciate that's difficult when money is so tight). Good luck.

Hi OP,

Sorry you are having such a tough time. I was in a similar predicament last year, although it was my first ever job (graduated uni in 2020).

I absolutely hated it. It was so suffocating and demeaning. The last straw was when the deputy CEO called me screaming down the phone because I arranged a meeting at the request of my line manager. I was physically sick each morning with the stress of it and felt really depressed.

After seeking some advice I realised it was not normal and no job was worth that stress. I quit and immediately found a different job which I absolutely love. From day one it was a completely different experience and I knew I did the right thing, even though it was scary at the time.

It gives me the shudders just to think about how miserable I would be if I had stayed at my old job.

In short, no job is worth the amount of stress this job is causing you. I would quit and not even put it on your CV. You deserve better. Good luck with it all!

Would you get sick pay? Anything at all? If so then I would sign off sick and not go back.

Op if that is the reason you got this job (to have savings and holidays) then you can afford to quit and look elsewhere. If you get signed off by your GP that's even better because you'll get something. It sounds horrible but you do have options.

This struck a chord with me. I started a new job in a new sector and very quickly realised it wasn’t for me. I was being physically assaulted at work (nature of the job apparently) but was completely unprepared for this (info withheld at interview) and was given no training on how to deal with the behaviour. I did the job for 5 weeks and felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t switch off, was jumpy all the time. Not to mention covered in cuts and bruises. It was awful. I was honest with my employer and walked. I didn’t have to work my notice and it ended amicably.

i appreciate not everyone is in a position to do this and I was lucky that we could afford for me to leave. Like other have suggested, check your sick pay entitlement as it may be worth getting signed off to give you breathing space whilst you look for a new role?

good luck with your job hunting, fingers crossed something comes along soon and you can put this horrible experience behind you

Sorry you’re going through this. You could quit and sue them, but are unlikely to get anywhere unfortunately. So, you need to get a new job ASAP.

However, I’d be wary of criticising your current employer to a potential new employer, as they may not believe you and think you’re difficult.

Have you made sure your CV is up to scratch? Can a friend or family member sense check it for you? Every application needs its own tailored covering letter (highlighting why you want the job and showing you’ve looked into the company, what you admire about it etc) and the CV needs to be tweaked to highlight relevant skills for that role.

Have you joined relevant agencies?

Make sure you get your applications in early, as some companies only bother looking at the first 20 or so CVs they receive.

Good luck.

Thank you all so much for your comments, I really appreciate them.

Just to clarify, we really do need the money. It was just nice to have the breathing space and to even start thinking about savings, treats and holidays etc. It would have taken quite a while to get there but things were looking up now that we have two incomes again. If it wasn't for the fact it
Would devastate us in the short term I'd be out like a shot and happily go back to having nothing. The money isn't worth it to me or us. I definitely have to make some decisions over the weekend and make some calls.

Definitely find a new job. This one is not worth the effort & going nowhere.

Get your cv reviewed - www.reed.co.uk/cvbuilder can help make sure you are on the right track.

I paid to have my cv rewritten. It cost quite a lot but I got so many more interviews afterwards. Look at Fiverr prices vary. I'm now in a job, double the salary in a new field (that I trained for online).

I had a job like this when I was quite young. Owner's kids ran the departments. Abusive, cruel, tyrants who enjoyed exterting unearned power. Sadly, I'd just left a similar job with the same arrangement.

All I could do was endure & then leave asap. I didn't realise how much that place affected my self esteem & MH. I landed a fantastic job with a huge organisation that offered me a better job than interviewed for. Stayed 20 years, realised my potential & self worth.

I'll never, ever again work for a family owned business where relatives run the show.

Get out. Even if unemployed for a bit. Your MH isn't worth it.

I'm still a bit confused as to why leaving would suddenly screw you so badly financially when up until 3 months ago you were a SAHM relying on your DH as sole income anyway? What have I missed?