New job sold as something it wasn't.

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

This is the second time I've written this (lost the first one) so I'll try and keep it to the point.

I've been a SAHM to my DC for the past 4 years. My youngest is starting school in September so I would have gone back to work then but an opportunity presented itself about 3 months ago that seemed to good to be true.

I've ruined my life for the sake of this job. I'm sworn and shouted at. Spoken down to and unsupported. Haven't been given proper guidance or training. Each piece of feedback conflicts with the last so nothing makes sense. Today I have a catch-up and every single point was negative. I'm not perfect but I know my work is good. I feel like I'm being sabotaged by my manager but I have no idea why as she chose to hire me.

This sounds ridiculous but she's 'joked' that she wanted to throw acid at me on several occasions (prompted by an office discussion about something on the telly). My mental health is on the floor but if I leave without a new job to go to it will destroy us financially.

I was poorly over the weekend and caught myself daydreaming about how nice it would be to be hospitalised so I wouldn't have to go to work. I would never harm myself in reality but that's how bad things are. I don't know what I'm asking for really. I just needed to vent because I feel so lost.

Prior to starting work DH worked full time and we also received Universal Credit, we still do now but only a tiny amount. UC work a month behind so if I leave here we'd have a month where I wouldn't receive any wages and we would receive hardly any UC. DH works in an administrative role for the NHS. It wouldn't be enough to support us solely. That crossover period would mean falling into more debt than we're already in and we genuinely just couldn't afford it.

This is beyond toxic and they sound dreadful. The bit about the acid made me feel sick, frankly

I'd walk and suck up building a bit more debt, tbh. I'm sure you'll find something else quickly in the current climate. Retail especially are crying out for staff, and the HA I work for has its highest vacancy rate ever.

If you're in Sussex, I'll pm you the link to their vacancies, they've won awards for being family friendly and treat staff with great respect!

Anyone joking about throwing acid needs to be reported to the police

If you can't leave OP then I hate to say that there is no way you can make this better. You suck it up for the money or you leave. I would coast, do my work keep my head down, not do anything more than what was required. If someone "joked about throwing acid" at me I'd simply say "don't speak to me like that, that is threatening behaviour". Become so hard that nothing looks like it bothers you. I'm sorry, it's hard but you're only solution.

Do you work for a care home management company by any chance?

It's your only solution that should say, sorry.

Echo the PP who said reporting the acid comment to the police.
I’d leave, the hospitality industry is desperate assuming no mobility issues could you get a day shift in a pub or cafe just so there is something coming in?
have you tried just waking into shops/restaurants/pubs to see if they are looking for staff, I’ve a good friend who runs a pub and all their staff are walk ins!! They’ve found they tend to me the most reliable so really like them.

If you were a SAHM before it won't destroy you financially
No job is worth this

Just leave something else will come along

I agree you appear to br catastrophising, because you're so stressed out.

I agree, report the acid comment to the police.

I have had a gap from the workforce for different reasons to you for about the last four years. I am in my 50s and have had a professional career but I decided I would like to go back to just a job. I got nowhere at all with applications for many months if not longer. But last week I walked into one of those recruitment offices you see on many high streets, they told me they had loads of work and I start a part time job next week.

As to this job you need to leave. Yes there is the option of keeping a diary and starting a grievance but is it worth it. I am also in the camp that as you have not worked for the last four years, it really cannot be the disaster you seem to think it is by leaving this now. Walk away, put it behind you. It is one of the worst work situations I think I have read about, I mean threatened with acid!

The being threatened with acid is... that's utterly disgusting. I know you say all the other managers are just as bad, but have you told any of them about this? I would be reporting that. Do they market themselves as a "family business"?

Can you get signed off by a doctor for mental health reasons, and use this time to hand in your notice and look for work?

Alternatively, just leave, use a credit card to pay the shortfall in bills, and get another job as soon as possible. Good luck

Hi everyone,

I'm now off for the weekend so that's something. I applied for another 7 jobs yesterday so fingers crossed I hear back from something.

I'm regards to speaking someone, they all know about the things she's said. Where I work is mostly open plan so everyone hears everything. She isn't one bit discreet.

I don't want to sound dramatic and I tried to explain unthread why the next couple of months would cause so many problems if I just walk about but I wouldn't be staying in a job that is utterly breaking me for a laugh. Credit cards and loans are not an option. Not paying the bills is not an option. I don't have anyone I can ask for help. My family are amazing but wouldn't be able to help financially. It's a mess but I'm working really hard to get out of it and then never, ever put myself in this position again.

This sounds ridiculous but she's 'joked' that she wanted to throw acid at me on several occasions (prompted by an office discussion about something on the telly).

This is really concerning. Hell, what sort of industry is this in? I thought the two heavies that took me on seem just scary enough on it's own, and that's without them actually saying anything so extreme.

Hope you get a new job soon and in the meanwhile, accept UC however small rather then hear anymore of what you have been subjected to.

I don't know if anyone has experience of universal credit but my the crossover month after leaving this job would mean no wages coming in and barely any UC, we'd have to rely totally on DH's wage and it wouldn't cover all the bills that month.

Yes I do - I started a job that was mis sold - left after 2 days, wasn't paid a penny and so after one month receiving holiday pay from past employer UC opened back up without me doing anything as the system went by low pay recorded so kicked in and next thing I was being invited into the Job Centre to start my job search (I was just fortunate as this was happening someone took a risk on me having been unemployed by a then nearly 6 weeks) £218 was better than nothing.

Sorry you are going through this and do hope things improve soon - my understanding was when in employment you should be more desirable then out of employment - just curious, does your employer in general have a bad reputation? (if you are declaring the latest job on CV) from my own recent experience fwiw employers are taking a little more time to look over applications but it only takes that one who may be in a rush to recruit.

It's the publishing industry. It's a sector I've always wanted to work in (I'm currently also studying part time for a degree that is relevant to the industry as well). I'm absolutely gutted it's come to this.

Fingers crossed I'll hear back from one of the jobs I've applied for. They're all very different to this and to be honest that's totally fine by me. I miss my children, I miss not being stressed, I miss not crying everyday. I just miss not feeling consumed by sadness.

This. What would be so bad about just leaving? You said in your OP that the original plan was to go back to work in September. This hasn’t worked out, for reasons you can hold your head high about, so go back to plan A and move on.

Sorry I’ve realised my post might sound blasé about the UC problems I see you’ve mentioned. Even taking that into account though, you should leave. You will get through the crossover month. It’s not worth the toll it’s taking on your mental health.

You've not answered the question of why you haven't reported the acid comment.

She has, the other managers are all the same, others heard it, no one cares.

Are you applying for any jobs op, even in like Tesco etc? Apply for anything if not. And some companies don't advertise very well, especially the government, so look up actual companies too in your area and public service too if you don't mind that.

Have you spoken to UC? You may well be able to get an advance to cover the shortfall, especially if your claim is going to increase. Please consider getting signed off by your GP and using the breathing space to recover, sort out the UC and get yourself a new job 💐

No, you make a formal complaint about the acid threat. Then when they don't care, you have constructive dismissal.

I'd do anything if I was you, cleaning, bar work, hotel porter- all desperate for staff.

I would probably stay in the job for another month and save as much as possible so that there was money for bills until UC kicks in. In the mean time, don't take any crap. If you get shouted at politely stand up for yourself. That might sound difficult but ultimately the worst can happened is you get sacked but you're going to leave anyway and you can leave the job off your CV as you have only been in it for a short time so you don't need a reference. I would with report the acid threat too as you may have a claim for constructive dismissal if you do leave.. Get ready to press record on your phone perhaps so if you get abuse you have a record in future.

I would hand my notice in and fingers crossed you get work quickly - even look at agency work - people are crying out for staff .

I was in this scenario and DH just told me to ‘hand my notice in if it was that bad’ so I did!

Last day I had a call at 4pm offering me a job to start Monday morning so it all worked out.

@SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Whatever happens you can't stay in a job like that, so do you feel up to challenging their behaviour? I mean, what have you go to lose, they shout at you anyway so if they get huffy at you for it it's just same shit different reason! Have you told them the guidance and training is inadequate, which is why your work isn't up to their standard? Or that each price of feedback conflicts with the last which means you're constantly set up to fail? Try and find some anger. How dare they behave like that 😡

I had a similar problem - my manager's parents owned the business and there were quite a few family members and family friends who worked there (that should have been my first red flag!)
It got to the stage where I would be crying every night (and feeling pathetic for doing this!) and fantasising about crashing my car so I would have a few weeks off.
I couldn't believe that I had got to the age of 48 and was now being bullied!
The trouble was the money was great
I did leave (didn't last a year) and within a month about 5 others left (ones with no family connection)

I'm appalled no one else has reported her sooner. Do they deliberately hire vulnerable people?

In any other office this bint would be out on her arse after one violent threat. She wouldn't get to several.