I have a very very organised friend. She likes to plan her diary months ahead and so when she suggests dates for get togethers I’m almost always free as it’s months into the future. We meet monthly and they are in the diary for the next 6 months!
However she doesn’t accept cancellations if other things come up because, “it’s been in the diary for ages”. I’m absolutely not talking about ditching her if a better or more fun offer for a night out comes up - I absolutely stick with prearranged plans in these circumstances. I’m talking things you really need to go to that you just weren’t aware of months ago when the evening out was arranged.I’ve cancelled 4 times over the last 2 years for these reasons:
1. My neighbour is in hospice care. Her daughter was playing Rizzo in school production of Greece. Neighbour thought she’d be well enough to attend- she wasn’t- I stepped in a few days before to go and support her daughter and record it for the neighbour.
2. My sons cricket team (very) unexpectedly made the final of a competition so I cancelled to go watch.
3. Some colleagues from the US who I work with daily came over to meet in person for the first time and the team night out was on an evening I was supposed to meet her.
4. A surprise 50th party for a very good friend arranged by a very disorganised spouse 4 weeks in advance as his other plans fell through.
In all of these cases I’ve given her a minimum of a few days notice (no cancelling on the day) and in the case of the 50th I’ve given a months notice. She’s been very cross at all times especially the 50th as she saw that as me ditching her (we had cocktails and dinner planned) for a party. But this was a surprise milestone birthday for someone I’d been friends with for 40 years and lived with after Uni. A very very good friend!
I always try and reschedule but sometimes she’s apparently “too busy” and can’t slot me in. After the most recent cancellation for the 50th and the grumpy response when I tried to reschedule I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do. She’s currently booking in our October night out and she gave me a date in the middle of half term when I haven’t finalised what we’re doing yet. For the first time I refused to book that far in advance as I think this is the problem - I obviously can’t commit this far in advance if there’s no flexibility. I have 3 kids, a FT job and an extended family with a lot going on- I don’t want to book something knowing there’s no way I can then ever reschedule. She’s now incredibly upset with me and refusing to meet at all as she’s not prepared to be, “slotted in when I have time”. I’m really questioning myself. I know MN frowns upon cancelling but which of us is Being unreasonable?