Should I have done something earlier?

[PetraBP]

DD now 7 was potty trained just before she turned 2.

Quick learner and no fuss.

We kept the pull-ups on at night and she’s never been dry.

I assumed she would just grow out of it, start to wake up dry and we could stop using them, but she hasn’t.

All the advice seems to just leave it and she’ll be dry in her own time.

I’ve never spoken to her about it as I’ve not wanted her to feel bad or embarrassed about it. I’ve never really thought much about it until recently. We’ve just sort of drifted into the situation.

Should I have done something earlier?

Is there anything I could do now without upsetting her?

Should I just leave it or is there a risk that she will go into adulthood still needing them if I do?

Wow. I guess that’s conclusive!

I take it back.

OP- best ask your DD if she’s really wetting herself on purpose! You might save a fortune on Drynites if she is!

I might ask my own DD straight up if she is doing that, though she’s not lazy in other ways. I can’t imagine a 12 yo doing that on purpose… can you? 😵‍💫

DD was still in pull-ups at this age. After talking to her it turned out she was waking up and didn't want to get up to go to the toilet.

Not long after she decided not to wear them. She has a couple of accidents to start but was then dry every night.

Oh my!

All the parents of the lazy kids are coming out of the woodwork!

This really is an eye opener.

Could it be that there is really a significant percentage of kids who are wearing these things and using them as an excuse not to get out of bed to wee?

Has it become a lifestyle choice for them?

Is this what NOT shaming your child for wetting the bed leads to? Continent kids wearing Drynites and wetting themselves on purpose because they can’t be bothered to get up?

Mind truly boggled.

I would have done anything to have been dry as a child and now I’m being told some wet on purpose.

Difficult for my first-hand-experienced mind to believe but I don’t doubt your reported experiences with your DC.

Not every child will be lazy no, but ds is chronically lazy and will do anything and everything to get out of doing what he must.

Its his trait.

I think you should talk to her about taking them away at night to see what she says. We used pull up at nights with my son until reception. He was never dry at night. Before we took them away we just told him he needed to get up at night if he needed the toilet - which apart from a few accidents he did. Unless you’ve tried to take them away without success I wouldn’t worry.

Mine aren’t that lazy but I have always used bribery to get them to help out (works wonders).

I might start offering DD12 £1 for every morning she can keep her Drynite dry and see what happens… 🤣

I’ve just asked DD12 if she ever uses her Drynites on purpose because she can’t be bothered getting out of bed.

She insisted she has never done that and will stop wearing them when it stops.

Her face went bright red when I asked her though!

My ds was 6 when it happened. It's literally bladder control some kids get it earlier than others. We were referred to incontinence team in our la but didn't need it in the end.

I could have written this about my son! I have tried everything, at one point waking him up every 2 hours and he was still soaked!

We were in exactly the same position. Decided two weeks ago to go cold turkey. Bought some disposal incontinent sheets from Amazon. She also ate fruit before bedtime (grapes etc) and we stopped this as can encourage nighttime enuresis. We ensure a last trip to the toilet before going to sleep.

In two weeks we have had three accidents. We offer words of encouragement if she is dry and reassure her if she does have an accident. So far it has gone far better than expected!

you might not be as successful but maybe worth a go?

Well she went to bed without pull-ups last night and a lab absorbent disposable mat instead.

She woke up at about 1am absolutely soaked.

She was a bit miffed about this and asked if she could have her pull-ups back on for the rest of the night.

This morning her pull-up is wet.

I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s clearly not ready to go without.

Re the laziness discussion above, she has told me she does not wet on purpose and I’ve no reason to disbelieve her. My GP told me that does happen but is very very rare.

I’ll be following the bladder stretching advice and waiting a good while before trying again. @EllieFAnt82 yes, I am now inclined to wait until we have had some
dry mornings with the pull-ups before going without again. It is exhausting to all
concerned otherwise.

If she’s wetting more than once in the night I do wonder whether she’s anywhere near ready to stop.

Yes I would wait till there are some dry nights too. Dp's kids were only dry when they were 11. Dp was also late to night dryness as a kid. We never made a fuss - some kids the hormone just comes late to them.

I will put in a good word for the alarms! I used one with DS and it wasn’t stressful or shaming at all - it just alerts them at the first sign of wee so they wake up, stumble to the loo half asleep and then get back into bed and go straight back to sleep. But it sort of trained him to wake at that moment so I consider that it worked! It’s a slight inconvenience getting up to reset it but it was maximum once a night and tended to be quite early on (before I was fast asleep). Now he’s older I always hear him get up and go to the loo himself just before bed so it’s really got him in a good habit. He was never upset or distressed about it as he could see the value in using it and I never framed it as a punishment. We had a cute name for the alarm and made a game out of putting it on each night.

I can hand on heart say it is absolute not a laziness thing.

My daughter became night dry in the week of her 8th birthday. I deliberately avoided involving GP as my dh was 11 before he was dry but has memories of shame and upset as his parents went through the whole rigmarole including alarms when you wet and lifting etc. From what I read, being dry at night occurs when you start producing a certain hormone, usually between ages 2 to 6 but sometimes later, and it can run in families. So we tried to make sure she knew it wasn't her fault and she'd grow out of it. If it had still been going by y6 residential I would have spoken to GP as there is medication that can be used for a few days dryness.

Close friends were kind about it on sleepovers, younger cousin was confused when they noticed. Her one year older sister was not so kind on a Brownie camp and got a robust rollicking for it from us as she should have been refuge - learning experience for her too.

Her other older sister was dry at night from about 4 (was dry briefly before meaning we couldn't get pull-ups back on her so relied on mats and a lot of laundry), but struggled with urge incontinence in the day until she was about 12.... she didn't drink much which was part of the issue. But no problem after that.

Honestly, my view is ride it out but see the GP if you need that medication.

DC3 wasn't dry until a months after he turned 7yo. He just slept so deeply. The awkward thing is that he shared room with little brother who was dry at night for at least 6m already by then (age 3-4).

The first measure recommended then was a loud bed alarm: I wasn't having it. Not getting up constantly, no way. Am glad we didn't ask for advice.

All three of my son's have a very late to become dry at night - ds1 was 12!!

Ds 8 is just starting to have a few dry nights.

Eventually with my eldest I started putting a wet mat on his bed so he would wake up and know he'd been to the loo.

Mine are just very deep sleepers and I think they have had late bladder control maturity.

I have experience in childrens continence & as other posters have said this is quite common. The Eric website is an excellent source of information. Drinking through the day is vital as the bladder needs to learn to fill-hold-release. Avoid all fizzy drinks, but also any squash with blackcurrant in it as it irritates the bladder. Constipation is also a factor if present as this will sometimes put pressure on the bladder. So, if that is a factor it needs addressing. Finally some children don’t make the hormone vasopressin at night & need a synthetic version (desmopressin). GP/School Nurse would assess for this.

If it is any help as a comparison, both my girls just stopped wetting at night aged 3 and a bit whilst they were still in pull ups - after the third night with a bone dry pull up in the morning, I asked if they still wanted to have one, and they said no.

They were physically able to do it, there was nothing anybody could have done to influence that - although MIL liked to claim it was her weirdness with 'training' the eldest, she had nothing to do with the younger one, yet she was exactly the same age +/- about 5 days.

An ex was given alarms, monitoring and then medication until he was about 14, when he just stopped. They went through everything.

There are 4 parts to the problem:

1. Stretching the bladder so they can last all night.
2. Waking up when they need a wee.
3. Producing the hormones that slow down wee production at night.
4. Motivating & giving confidence to the child that this is something they can do.

At the moment you don’t know if DD does produce the necessary hormones, but I would start with the assumption that she does. As you seem fairly sure she isn’t deliberately weeing in the pull-ups I would leave them on until they are dry - no point causing distress unnecessarily.

I would do the bladder stretching during the morning but follow the reduced drinking before bed & then lifting when you go up. Then see if she is dry in the morning.

I realise that it doesn’t help to train them to wake up, but you will see if it is possible for her to go all night. And think of the boost to her (and your) confidence if she wakes up dry! My DD was such a heavy sleeper in the first part of the night that she would sleep through anything.

Good luck, whatever you decide to try.

My son wasn't dry until 8, nearly 9. I had an informal chat with one of the school mums who is a GP. She explained about this hormone that kicks in and keeps them dry. She said some people intervene earlier but she personally wouldn't worry until they reach adolescence. After I heard that I just left it. I didn't want to medicate my child and he was skinny so could still wear size 6+ nappies. As I expected, it stopped naturally, like I say, when he was nearly 9. My friend's daughter also stopped naturally just before she turned 9.

Hate to say I told you so… 😉

If she’s happy wearing Drynites just let her.

It will stop eventually.

Your original concern was that she would go into adulthood as a bed wetter.

This is rare (though I did read somewhere that 1-2% of otherwise healthy adults still wet the bed too- you can even buy adult size pants for night time in Boots).

Chances are this will stop, either at puberty or before it.

Try not to make it a problem where none exists.

🙂

You’re right, @EllieFAnt82 , I’m not going to worry her unduly by making an issue of it that’s bigger than it needs to be.

A pull-up can be thrown in the bathroom bin in the morning. PJs and bed stay dry. Confidence and dignity are intact.

I’ll encourage her to drink more water as frequently as possible to stretch her bladder and if it’s still an issue in six months I’ll take up the GPs offer of tests.

In the meantime, she can wear pull-ups as long as she’s happy with that.

For what it’s worth, they’re not DryNites that she has. I get her Aldi Mamia Night Pants 4-7 which are far far cheaper, still work just as well, are actually larger and have more discreet gender neutral prints. Most importantly, they don’t rustle as much either!

Very strange experience.

This morning her pull-up was dry for the first time in … well… forever!

I had her drinking lots of water over the weekend as suggested. We tried without one on Saturday with no luck.

I imagine it’s a fluke. Bladder stretching doesn’t work that quickly, does it?

It may be a fluke but if it is working for you, that is great news.

When I’ve tried the “drink more water” thing over the years it just led to even wetter Drynites in the morning (sometimes to the point of leaking).

I’d be interested to know more about the Aldi NightPants as they appear to be cheaper and just as effective for you but I can only see an age 4-7 size listed. Is an 8-15 available so you know? You say they’re bigger? How do they compare to Drynites 8-15 size?