Should I have done something earlier?

[PetraBP]

DD now 7 was potty trained just before she turned 2.

Quick learner and no fuss.

We kept the pull-ups on at night and she’s never been dry.

I assumed she would just grow out of it, start to wake up dry and we could stop using them, but she hasn’t.

All the advice seems to just leave it and she’ll be dry in her own time.

I’ve never spoken to her about it as I’ve not wanted her to feel bad or embarrassed about it. I’ve never really thought much about it until recently. We’ve just sort of drifted into the situation.

Should I have done something earlier?

Is there anything I could do now without upsetting her?

Should I just leave it or is there a risk that she will go into adulthood still needing them if I do?

I have a similar issue with my DS (5) - potty trained late though, was around 3.5 before we got it reliably. Has never really been dry at night apart from the odd occasion. We trialled having him in pants overnight but out of 7 days he was only dry on two of them, and only because he woke up from bad dreams and went then. Normally he just doesn't wake up and will have a soaking pull up in the morning.

I spoke to the HV who said generally GP's don't really look at it from a continence POV until around 7 y/o. I'm going to continue to trial my DS each month with a week of trying to go without pull ups, but not overly push it.

What a horrible (and ignorant) post.

My dd wet until she was 10! Saw a GP when she was 7, he said it was a common problem and she'd grow out of it.
She never did a sleepover or school trip because of covid thank goodness.
We tried without pull-ups often but she wet every night and was distressed. I have two other dc, older and younger, both dry at a young age so couldn't understand it. But we tried not to make a big thing of it and reassured her it would stop.
And one day it just stopped.
Keep on as you are, and if you want to try things (like making them drink more) don't link it to the wetting, just say its because the weather's got warmer etc.

Thank you all for your advice. I missed the horrible comment but I imagine it was someone telling me I was an awful Mum who has failed my daughter?

I was asking because I have no experience of problems with night dryness. I never had problems as a child (I don’t have any memories of having any accidents or wet beds) nor does DP, and I must have been trained early as I don’t have any memories of not being.

I know that the pull-ups now come in massive sizes (up to 15) but their website is full of expert advice that seems to say just leave it as long as it takes. I wonder if they’re just trying to sell more products!

Like many things you can buy, though, just because they exist doesn’t mean they’re a good thing necessarily (think chocolate!)

Is there anyone here with a medical background who can recommend what (if anything) to do.

DD is otherwise happy and healthy and doesn’t have any special needs that we know of or suspect.

@paranoidmumdroid1

Thank you. I think if I knew DD would stop at age 10 I could live with that. I don’t mind buying pull-ups for a couple of more years.

I might try the drink more thing too and see if that helps.

OP I can remember our lovely school welfare officer dashing back into the building just before she left for a school residential trip with a coach load of Year 5s saying "oops forgotten the pull-ups", so it's more common than you think.
It happened with my friend's daughter too. She used to "lift" her to wee when she went to bed but it still didn't solve it. My daughter was in a top bunk so not practical for us!
Some people use alarms but my daughter needs her sleep, so we discussed it together, (as she became aware at around age 8 that something was not right as her little brother became dry) and she decided she didn't want to try an alarm.
The GP did say lots to drink in the day but nothing after 6pm. We did follow that and it helped some nights but not others.
Good luck 👍

Wow. It’s amazing that a bunch of Year 5s would be so relaxed about that.

When I was a child night training/ bed wetting just wasn’t on my radar.

I didn’t have any friends who did it. I didn’t ever see it happen on a school trip (maybe kids who had it didn’t go in those days?) and I don’t remember anyone ever talking about it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I will remain relaxed about it but perhaps be a little more pro active than just leaving it to see if it stops in its own time.

I’ll start with offering more water (on the basis of good hydration) to see if it increases her bladder capacity.

I’ll also have a word with the GP.

We’ll stick with the pull-ups for the time being to keep her comfortable but if the first two options don’t bear fruit I’ll see if she wants to try sleeping without.

Thanks again everyone.

We have been to the consultant with DD, she has had scans etc and conclusion is just that the hormone necessary hasn't been released. She also has an overactive bladder.

The advice was not to lift in the night, as it doesn't give the bladder a chance to get bigger, stretch etc. Not to specifically restrict drinks before bed, but equally not to encourage. Allow drinks with dinner etc, sticking to water.

But that if it is hormonal, no amount of training or shaming or wet beds will persuade her into it.

I would stick with the pull ups, then every month or so try a night or two without them and see.

Approach GP for referral.

@Harridan1981

Thank you for that.

Online the advice on lifting seems to be conflicting.

Some of the advice given is:

a. Lifting is a good thing as it gets the child used to waking at night to use the toilet and stops wet beds.

Other advice is:

b. Lifting is bad as it stops the child learning to wake themselves up in the night, disrupts their sleep and stops the bladder from stretching.

If you have had it confirmed by a consultant that it’s actually a bad thing, that’s very helpful to us.

I’ll be sticking with the pull-ups for now, having a word with GP, encouraging her to drink more water during the day but definitely not lifting.

Most of all, given most of the responses here, I’m not going to worry too much about it just yet. I’ll be proactive but not so as to stress her out about it.

Thanks again!

Have a look at the ERIC website for ideas. All three of my children were in pullups at 6/7 and one still at 8. We had quite a lot of success with an alarm so that might be worth trying.

The most important things above all else is to ensure she gets a good nights sleep and has high self esteem.

Prioritise those things and she will grow up happy.

I was a late bed wetter and a late bloomer in most ways. It runs in families too.

When I was a kid there were no Drynites pants so I woke up every morning in a wet bed. I had a plastic sheet to protect the mattress but that didn’t stop me getting disturbed sleep. Often I would wake up in the middle of the night soaking wet, have to change my sheets and then wake up wet again the following morning.

I was tired all the time. My Mum didn’t punish me for it but I was always made to feel like I was a nuisance for doing it. I had to wash every morning too.

I was never dry. When I started school I was no longer allowed to wear night nappies as there was a perception that “nappies are for babies”. Drynites pants would have been an absolute Godsend for me.

My parents did take me to a doctor but they couldn’t find any physical or psychological cause and the alarm didn’t work either.

What stopped it for me was puberty. As soon as I started to mature, the bed wetting just stopped, much to my relief. I was 15.

I have two DDs, now aged 14 and 12.

DD14 stopped last year when she hit puberty. DD12 still does it.

Based on my experience, I use(d) Drynites.

Their childhoods were/are much happier as a result.

The fact that Drynites pants going up to size 8-15 are available in literally every supermarket in the U.K. must mean that there are millions of older kids who wear them. In some ways I was glad to hear about the school taking a load of Pull-Ups on the year 5 overnight trip- it must mean that children and parents are less stress about it now.

1 in 10 kids wet the bed. That’s three in every school class.

A sizeable number of kids must always have wet the bed. It’s just now (at last) there’s products to help them deal with it rather than disturbed sleep, mountains of washing and a feeling of being inadequate.

I’m sure DD12 will stop when she hits puberty. Until then, I have no problem whatsoever with her wearing Drynites.

A wet Drynite is better than a wet bed and a night of shattered sleep and confidence.

By all means go to the GP to rule out a medical cause, but don’t worry too much. Literally millions of kids do this- it’s just we know more about it now.

There wouldn’t be packs of Drynites in every supermarket if there was no demand for them.

Good luck and above all don’t worry!

🙂

My oldest was still using them at 6. Then I realised it was just laziness. As soon as he had it on he wouldn't bother going to the toilet, even if he was still awake, or had woken in the morning.

Once we took them off him, barring a few accidents, he was dry at night.

If that's not what's happening and she is still wetting then I'd see the GP.

I don't think getting in the habit of going to the loo in the night is necessary. If everything is working properly the bladder should be able to hold everything until morning. My eldest was still in pull ups at 6/7, my youngest out by 3. Didn't do anything differently. Definitely encourage drinks in the morning so they're not drinking loads before bed and through the night.

I agree. The issue with 'lifting' is that it doesn't address the main issue, which is the hormone release. But the bladder never gets a chance to stretch to hold a night's worth of wee, so actually increasing the chances of accidents.

I should add that I did take both mine to the GP for tests too but as expected came back with no physical or psychological cause, so might be worth ruling anything out.

Other than that, can I propose a Knighthood (or more likely Damehood) for whoever invented Drynites?

Theyve turned what used to be a tiring, shame-inducing condition which came with an awful lot of washing into an issue that can quite literally just be chucked in the bin every morning.

I don’t work for them BTW!

This might help…

lecoindemel.com/7-year-old-still-wets-bed-shes-fine/

Super common, more so in boys but plenty of girls too, hence night time pulls ups being available up to age 15 in supermarkets not specialist stores. I was 7 before I stopped having the occasional accident, having been dry in the day before I was 2 according to my mum. My brother was 12 before being consistently dry at night. Yes some kids might be lazy when they wake up and can't be bothered to go to the loo, but for most it's hormonal and they wake up when they've already started weeing. Ds1 was dry at 7 (dry in day before 2 and a half), DS2 started having fewer accidents after 7 but still has runs of bad nights at 11. We've offered sleepovers to friends where they have said the kids don't sleepover because they're not dry - we've just always had good mattress protectors and not made a bid deal of washing sheets in the morning, the mums had no idea how common it is.
We've not spoken to the HV/GP as it's still pretty normal and we don't want DS to feel it's a bigger deal than it is - if it's still happening at 13 we'll probably go to the GP for a chat st that point.

My sister had bed wetting trouble for years when she was old enough not to.
Mum took her to the GP and it turned out to be her kidneys.
I don’t remember what therapy they gave her, but it straightened out and she was fine in the end.
Just take her to the doc.

I had a phone appointment with the GP and thought I’d share the advice.

She told me that it’s far more common than you would think at 7, but that it’s a good idea to rule out any other causes.

She advised me to do the following:

• Ensure that DD has plenty of water to drink during the day AND in the evening in order to stretch the bladder. As she’s wearing pull-ups anyway there’s no reason to restrict drinks in the evening. More water at all times will stretch the bladder more quickly.

• Avoid caffeinated, fizzy or artificially sweetened drinks as this can irritate the bladder and won’t help it stretch.

• Talk to DD about the issue gently and ask her if she wants to try wearing ordinary pants at night, but not to push it if the idea makes her nervous.

• Keep using the pull-ups to keep her dry and comfortable, unless she actively wants to try without.

• Try to find out (tactfully) if she’s using them for convenience. A very very small number of children do this, but most are not lazy and would want to get up and use the toilet.

She also said that bed wetting alarms are available but that she doesn’t favour them as they often cause stress to the child and the family, disrupt sleep and aren’t always effective, but that medical opinion is divided on that.

Going forward, she said to try all of the above, especially drinking lots to stretch the bladder.

She said if it hadn’t stopped in the next six months, get back in touch and she will arrange some tests to rule out any problems.

She said that in the vast majority of cases where a child is still wetting the bed aged 7, it will just stop on its own before they finish primary school.

After this, I had a chat with DD.

She assured me that her pull-ups are never wet on purpose but that sometimes she wakes up in the night while she’s already started weeing in her pull-up and then goes back to sleep afterwards.

I think that might actually be a good sign as it means that her body is beginning to associate weeing with waking.

Most of the time she just sleeps straight through the night and wakes with a wet pull-up, however.

She has agreed that we will try without the pull-ups on Saturdays (starting tonight) -and see how we go because we don’t want disturbed sleep on school nights.

The funny thing is, even though I’ve never discussed it with her, apparently she has talked to friends at school about wearing pull-ups to bed and a few of her friends do to do there’s no sense of shame or humiliation about it for her generation. For her group, it’s just another thing that some kids need and some don’t, like wearing glasses. No one has ever teased her for admitting it either.

I can imagine when I was at school people would have teased her mercilessly for this. Maybe kids today are kinder than they were when I was at school?

Can I recommend that if you are starting tonight, before putting her to bed you put a plastic backed mattress protector on as the first layer over the mattress. then put one of these Drynites on top of the mattress protector. Put a fitted sheet over both and repeat for a few layers.
www.boots.com/huggies-drynites-bed-mats-7pack-10097519

It means that if your DD does wet through, you only have to remove one layer of bedding and both you/your Dh and your DD can go back to sleep without too much bed reorganisation and re-making.

Also, if they wet the bed on the bottom (i.e. the mattress) it is possible that some of the duvet might also have been caught in it, so maybe have a few cheap spares
www.argos.co.uk/product/1274378?clickSR=slp:term:duvet:1:44:1

Just some suggestions.

Hope your DD gets to grips with it in good time. No doubt she will.

My daughter has been going to the Enuresis clinic since reception because she was wet a lot during the day because she just couldn't hold it. She'd come home with 4 wet clothes a day.

She is almost 9 and day time is fine now but night time isn't good. My 4yo night pull ups are lighter than hers. She will be trying medication soon to see if it helps.

I understand what she's going through as I wet the bed until my early teens and it was very embarrassing. My mum never made a big deal out of it which helped. When I hit puberty, it stopped.

She won’t be using them for convenience. Believe me.

The idea that kids who wet at night are just lazy and can’t be bothered to get out of bed is just a total myth.

It would have been far less of an effort for me to just get up and go to the toilet if I was able to wake up in time than it would have been to knowingly wee my bed then have to get up and change it in the night or have to change it in the morning and wash.

Given the extra effort and discomfort on the part of the child, I can’t imagine ANY child doing this on purpose, let alone “very very few” as your doctor says.

I think my Mum thought I was lazy at times but I know 100% I wasn’t.

Just so you know, trying without the Drynites if she’s never been dry WILL mean a wet bed tonight. I would advise leaving the Drynites on until you have tried the bladder stretching more water thing for a bit and perhaps if she has a morning with a dry Drynite?

A wet bed is uncomfortable, disturbs sleep and won’t help her confidence.

If you are determined to try it, however, I would pre-warn her that she will probably wake in a wet bed and that’s OK. Reassure her that it’s not a problem. Protect the bed with absorbent bed mats and have a change of pjs to hand.

If she has an accident in the night and wakes up in the night, let her have her Drynites back for the rest of the night so she can at least sleep peacefully for the rest of the night.

Some children’s bladders are so small that they wet “little and often” unconsciously in the night, meaning multiple changes of sheets if they wake up each time.

Good luck, of course, but bear in mind the above.

Like I say, DD12 still does this and gets a good nights sleep by wearing them. It will almost certainly stop on its own, either at puberty or before, without having to stress her out with wet beds.

I already said in a previous post that I had a ds who was lazy and used them as a convenience

When we stopped them, he became dry at night very quickly.

How did you know he was lazy?

Did he say so or did you just assume so?

Having been that child I can’t imagine any child wetting themself on purpose or wanting to wear Drynites without needing them.

He said so!

He said he didn’t want to get out of bed at night and so would wee in his pull up