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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was ridiculous?

179 replies

SnakeyCakey · 09/06/2022 09:01

Went to a cafe yesterday with my friend and my 13 month old baby.

Myself and my friend ordered food and drinks however my son is pretty fussy so he'll only have certain things. Every time we go out I take a small lunch box of the easy things he'll eat, yesterday I took a small wrap, cheese, chicken, some cucumber sticks and a banana.

Anyway, long and short of it is an employee wouldn't allow me to feed my son his packed lunch as they didn't allow people's own food in the cafe.

If we'd all wacked out a picnic I could understand but my friend and I were having food and drink purchased from there. Tried to explain the situation but he was having none of it so we had to quickly eat what we could and leave as my son was getting upset that there was no food for him.

AIBU to think this is complete overkill and to complain?

OP posts:
Crazylazydayz · 09/06/2022 09:38

YBVVU it’s like people just asking for a glass of tap water rather than buying a bottle of water.

What you are overlooking is the cafe owner has to pay £0000s for the lease, the business rates, gas, electric and water. The have to pay to furnish the cafe so you have a seat, install compliant catering equipment and storage, purchase the raw products or pre-prepared drinks and food, pay their staff including those you don’t see like cleaners. If you take your child’s food they are actually costing the cafe money as their seat could be used by a paying customer.

Hoppinggreen · 09/06/2022 09:40

DD had ARFID so I do have some sympathy
However, it was very very unusual for us not to be able to find something she wouldn’t eat in a cafe and as what you took was pretty standard I don’t think the cafe was unreasonable

Original poster
SnakeyCakey · 09/06/2022 09:41

Crazylazydayz · 09/06/2022 09:38

YBVVU it’s like people just asking for a glass of tap water rather than buying a bottle of water.

What you are overlooking is the cafe owner has to pay £0000s for the lease, the business rates, gas, electric and water. The have to pay to furnish the cafe so you have a seat, install compliant catering equipment and storage, purchase the raw products or pre-prepared drinks and food, pay their staff including those you don’t see like cleaners. If you take your child’s food they are actually costing the cafe money as their seat could be used by a paying customer.

Really not seeing how my child sitting in a highchair at the table me and my friend were already at and would have been at regardless of him being there or not 'is costing them money'.

If they were packed and someone else was looking a highchair he was taking up, fair enough. They weren't.

Also, if this is the reason, does this mean it's fine if he sits in his pram then and eats it instead, he's not 'using up a seat' then?

OP posts:
RunnerDuck2020 · 09/06/2022 09:42

YANBU - I have a 13 month old and I take snacks similar to what you have described to give him if we pop into a cafe. I have never been asked not to do this! If I was asked not to then I still wouldn’t be buying them something from the menu, so the cafe owners aren’t losing money. Very few places sell food suitable for a one year old, the only exception I have found is if I go out for brunch I can just get a plain slice of toast for him.

tootiredtoocare · 09/06/2022 09:44

It seems ridiculous, but most eating places have this policy and I think it might be something to do with H&S. Lots of places won't heat baby food that isn't in a manufacturer's jar, for example.

Original poster
SnakeyCakey · 09/06/2022 09:45

tootiredtoocare · 09/06/2022 09:44

It seems ridiculous, but most eating places have this policy and I think it might be something to do with H&S. Lots of places won't heat baby food that isn't in a manufacturer's jar, for example.

I can see this type of argument being correct.

I don't personally get the whole 'your baby sitting at your table is costing them money' stuff.

OP posts:
MuMMA8 · 09/06/2022 09:46

YANBU

Cafes need to realise that good customer service goes a long way. They aren't hosing ££££ by parents not buying a sandwich for their fussy child.

Put it this way from a business point of view...you will likely not visit again? Or recommend? Therefore the cafe will be losing potential money from customers. This will far outweigh any money they would've potentially made from you ordering a sandwich or something for your child.

If I had been in your position..I would also be less inclined during my visit to purchase more food (like a sweet/dessert/coffee post lunch!)

Classic example of businesses not understanding how to treat customers well and encourage returning/recommending visitors.

And nothing more frustrating than spending £7.50 or so on something that your child turns their nose up at!!

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/06/2022 09:47

Our eldest used to take food for their little one but also bought a drink and something small for him in the cafe too each time: never had a problem doing it that way. Not needed now, a few months on as he is very used to cafes now and will happily eat from the menu 😃

Cinnabomb · 09/06/2022 09:47

I had this at a farm park cafe, which is notorious for taking aaaaages to serve food (45mins for a sandwich for example) . Bloody ridiculous

I had ordered a full meal for me, a child meal for my baby (then about 12 months, she probably wouldn’t have eaten it but I did order her something), plus friends had done similar. I gave her a rice cake in her high chair to stop her screaming and the cafe owner had a go at me!

I felt like saying fine I’ll let her scream until the food arrives then 🤷‍♀️

TigerRag · 09/06/2022 09:48

MuMMA8 · 09/06/2022 09:46

YANBU

Cafes need to realise that good customer service goes a long way. They aren't hosing ££££ by parents not buying a sandwich for their fussy child.

Put it this way from a business point of view...you will likely not visit again? Or recommend? Therefore the cafe will be losing potential money from customers. This will far outweigh any money they would've potentially made from you ordering a sandwich or something for your child.

If I had been in your position..I would also be less inclined during my visit to purchase more food (like a sweet/dessert/coffee post lunch!)

Classic example of businesses not understanding how to treat customers well and encourage returning/recommending visitors.

And nothing more frustrating than spending £7.50 or so on something that your child turns their nose up at!!

But if eery parent brought food in for their child, they would lose a lot of money

Aprilx · 09/06/2022 09:48

MuMMA8 · 09/06/2022 09:46

YANBU

Cafes need to realise that good customer service goes a long way. They aren't hosing ££££ by parents not buying a sandwich for their fussy child.

Put it this way from a business point of view...you will likely not visit again? Or recommend? Therefore the cafe will be losing potential money from customers. This will far outweigh any money they would've potentially made from you ordering a sandwich or something for your child.

If I had been in your position..I would also be less inclined during my visit to purchase more food (like a sweet/dessert/coffee post lunch!)

Classic example of businesses not understanding how to treat customers well and encourage returning/recommending visitors.

And nothing more frustrating than spending £7.50 or so on something that your child turns their nose up at!!

Cafes don’t need customers that bring their own food though do they?

OP brought a full packed lunch not a jar of baby food or even just a snack. It is probably easier for the cafe to have and implement a clear policy of not having customers bring their own food.

Original poster
SnakeyCakey · 09/06/2022 09:49

If I had been in your position..I would also be less inclined during my visit to purchase more food (like a sweet/dessert/coffee post lunch!)

Yes this is what happened. We had to rush the food we did order (didn't even eat most of it) and didn't stay for another drink or cake like we probably would have done if my son hadn't been crying at not being allowed his food. I probably would have gotten him a little scoop of ice cream too after we'd finished from there. Instead I got one from elsewhere later on.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnakeyCakey · 09/06/2022 09:51

Cafes don’t need customers that bring their own food though do they?

They also don't need customers who don't eat any food either but that's what they seem to have preferred. My son was still in the cafe.. just not eating anything.

No one would say I HAD to buy my son something from there to let him sit with us. The cafe isn't making any money from him either way. They were making it from me though, which they won't again now.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnakeyCakey · 09/06/2022 09:54

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/06/2022 09:47

Our eldest used to take food for their little one but also bought a drink and something small for him in the cafe too each time: never had a problem doing it that way. Not needed now, a few months on as he is very used to cafes now and will happily eat from the menu 😃

I probably would have done this i.e. bought him a scoop of ice cream after or something which is usually a pretty guaranteed thing with him that he'll enjoy eating.

OP posts:
missdemeanors · 09/06/2022 09:55

A cafe will implement whatever works best for them. A cafe which welcomes parents who bring a packed lunch for their children every time is likely to become hugely popular among this demographic- which can be off putting to other customers. Now that my kids are older, the last place I'd go for lunch with a friend on my day off would be somewhere monopolised by toddlers and babies.
I doubt the cafe will be shedding a year over the loss of OPs custom.

Soubriquet · 09/06/2022 09:57

Normally I see the cafes POV, but in this case I agree with you.

you and your friend ordered food.

It doesn’t kill the business to allow you to give your ds his own picky bits.

Original poster
SnakeyCakey · 09/06/2022 09:57

I doubt the cafe will be shedding a year over the loss of OPs custom

Probably not 🤷‍♀️ there are far more cafes that have been much more welcoming anyway so that's fine.

OP posts:
Fe345fleur · 09/06/2022 09:58

YANBU. I agree that cafes have to make money, but from a customer service point of view it's pretty unfriendly towards families/children. Personally if I'd been the waiter I would have just let it slide. They were either inexperienced in the role or a bit of a jobsworth. I'd take the view it's not worth bring arsey about a small child's meal, given the cafe will now likely lose two adult customers.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/06/2022 10:00

Bonkers. He would have taken up the same space if you had shared your lunch with him... which is what a lot of parents do with a baby. Many places would you you an extra plate for them...

MuMMA8 · 09/06/2022 10:00

@TigerRag @Aprilx

No I disagree, it's about the cafe choosing their battles. It's about seeing the bigger picture of potential and returning customers...and not every parent does bring a packed lunch...I'd say there's a small percentage...and I still believe that so much more money would be lost by poor customer service/stupid rules because people don't return/recommend establishments if they've been irritated. 🤷🏼‍♀️

MaximumLeeway · 09/06/2022 10:00

YANBU and the staff were batshit. Everyone knows small children are excluded from the rule! Where is the age cut off then? Weaning 12m old? Very little in any cafe suitable for a 12m old. 6m old? How about a baby who is still 100% milk (bottle or breast) ? Are they not allowed their bottle/BF?!

Absolutely ridiculous. You did nothing wrong!

ElenaSt · 09/06/2022 10:04

If the child became ill or choked on the food you provided it could have repercussions on the cafe.

The Food safety act 1990 might have further information.

Brefugee · 09/06/2022 10:11

Blimey, OP. How difficult would it have been to ask them to give you something he would eat? not very.
They provided you with a high chair and space for your child. They have to earn a living and especially now it is really difficult.

Small babies - i get it, jars, bottles etc - no problem. 1 year olds? not so much.

Lizzieismagic · 09/06/2022 10:14

At that age mine ate a toasted teacake or a cheese toastie if i was in a cafe..
Can't imagine pulling out what you describe...

Boredsoentertainme · 09/06/2022 10:16

Gosh what kind of cafe doesn’t have cucumber cheese or chicken? Was it a proper greasy spoon then?