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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours from hell.

212 replies

Taurini · 08/06/2022 09:11

Long post sorry.
So I've been living here a few years now.. I chose this property due to health reasons and it being close to my childrens school.
After being here a a while I noticed fag ends all over the front garden and back garden (gate always locked) near our fence in-between mine and my neighbours property, I thought the people who lived here must have smoked so I cleaned them all up.. a month or so later loads more appeared in the same places.. and a dog poo bag right outside my door.. It was full blown lockdown.. we had no visitors since we moved in and none of our household smoke, my partner hates smoking and our kids were still I'm primary school so it wasn't them.
But my neighbours and their kids smoke and have dogs.
I vented to someone on the street about my frustrations like a fool.. and they told my neighbours.. my neighbours came banging on my door telling me they've heard I've been slagging them off and that if I have a problem I should say it to their fcking face.. they ain't fcking tramps and that if I know what is good for me I will shut my f*cking mouth...
They breed dogs and leave weeks worth of poop in their back garden then hose it away.. they don't train them, leave them inside the house whilst they work and just boot them outside when they're home.. they breed them and breed them for money then eventually sell the dog they bred from and get another.
I've had people do work on my house come up to me and tell me they can hear the neighbours hitting and yelling at the dogs.. as a dog person it breaks my heart.
My dog is a big chicken and when their dogs bark he starts barking in response and won't do his business.. I cant leave him out to play because if their dogs aren't out and the kids are and they hear him they start making barking noises at him to set him off..
I have a baby and have a set amount of time I can take him out supervised and they still do whatever they can to set him off..
They have off road bikes that they drive around the streets and parks with that are ridiculously loud and shoot down the path outside there house which is next to my front door (my fence decides their path from ours)
This wakes my baby and sometimes sets my dog off barking because it's so loud.
They know this.. and have now started just sitting on their bikes next to their front door (across from my front door) just revving the engines...
They also use our fence to pull themselves up onto their bins to jump up and down on their bins to crush down the rubbish, which smashes my fence back and forth which bangs and sets my dog off barking.. its also breaking my fence..
If the sun is shining they all sit outside drinking and smoking together swearing and shouting, even the kids in secondary school are sat drinking cans of beer and smoking with them. Their youngest sits drinking vkd with them.
They talk about all the drugs they take and crimes they commit with eachother.. its shocking if I'm honest.
Theyre so loud that when it's hot I have to shut the windows in my childrens bedroom or they can't sleep..
You'd think I would get a break when they're at work and school but one of their lads from secondary school skips school most days with his friends and sit out revving their bikes and barking at my dog to set him off and waking my baby.
I put cctv all over my property to hopefully discourage them but it hasn't.
I've told my partner I want to rehome our dog.. I'm devastated to say it but I cant cope..him and the children aren't happy with me.. but I don't know what else to do, we can't move as we have to be close to school due to my health.
I'm not sure who I could report my neighbours to, i think things would escalate if i did.
The lad who skips school and revs the bike outside my door has been in trouble with the police for armed robbery and criminal damage but they can't do anything because he's too young.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore.. even if I rehome my dog the revving of the bikes alone wakes up my baby..
Has anyone else been through anything similar who can give advice?
I'm getting close to having a break down here..
I feel like they can just break the law, treat my property however they wish and treat us like crap and we have no rights whatsoever 😩

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 08/06/2022 12:51

Sorry OP, they sound horrible.

Even though you love the area, I'd move in a heartbeat. You'll never be fully happy there while those vile people live next door.

MrsR87 · 08/06/2022 13:15

I understand that you chose the property for health reasons but honestly, I think remaining is going to cause you further health problems in the long term.
It seems massively unfair as you’ve done nothing wrong but I would move.

Quitelikeit · 08/06/2022 13:22

These are not the type of people to respond to the authorities so I think you are wasting your time. If anything they will try to antagonise you further with every report you make.

the way out is to sell up. You don’t want to do that so then you will have to accept the anxiety and restrictions that come with living next door to such morons.

personally I’d move.

SaveMePlease · 08/06/2022 13:30

Anonymouse111 · 08/06/2022 12:43

These suggestions do make me wonder if you've ever actually experienced anyone like this.

There was absolutely no way making polite conversation about their chairs or how they've done their hair that day would have made the tiniest bit of difference.

They were just absolutely horrible people, I'd have been laughed and leered at if I'd even attempted to approach them. Some people can't be nice unfortunately and it doesn't matter how many polite conversations or compliments you try to give them.

I don't think this is fair. As I noted in a previous post, I went through a similar situation and there was one lady living in the house who I used to interact with as they always had parcels delivered to us. She seemed alright, made sweet comments about our young kids and if they were permanent residents I might have considered striking up some sort of cordial relationship through her so that I could at least speak to her about any issues (before going down the 'move' route).

Like I said before, I was going to suggest going down the befriending route but stopped short as the OP made out that her neighbours are totally belligerent and have no intention of being nice. But for someone to suggest it is not unreasonable - not every family is the same and not everyone in the family might be a total nightmare.

OP, I think at the end of the day you're sort of resigned to being stuck for the following reasons:

1 There are multiple issues at play around noise, drugs, loitering, animal abuse etc. These are dealt with by multiple entities (police, NSPCA, local council), who as many people have been at pains to say, are unlikely to resolve the issues. Even if you could get one of the problems (e.g. drugs) sorted, you've still got the animal abuse and noise to deal with along with the fact that the neighbours may double down on their efforts to be a nuisance. Even with solid perseverance this would take years to sort out and the chances of this happening are low.

As other people have noted, if you go through the police or council, this is something you will have to declare when you come to sell the house so you'd be creating potential problems selling the house and during this time, you're still having to put up with the nuisance. Therefore one option is to move.

2 You don't seem willing to move. You've said your own family are happy where you are and are actually annoyed with the amount you bring it up. How bad is the situation when they are there? What level of change from the neighbours are you willing to accept? If you and the family don't want to move then the only other option would be to befriend the neighbours in the hope that in time, either they improve their behaviour or you get comfortable enough to politely ask them to refrain from a few things.

3 You aren't able to befriend them either because they are just awful people or you aren't willing to given their previous behaviour. So essentially you are left in the same position as where you started. Even if you did befriend them, there is no guarantee things would improve.

The only option that guarantees you remove yourself completely from this situation is to move. Countless people have said to move, including many who have gone through a similar situation to you. The advice is overwhelming - I'd advise you to speak to your husband and kids.

kweeble · 08/06/2022 13:31

It won’t get better - you should move as soon as possible; I’d even sell and go into rented for a while in this situation.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 08/06/2022 13:36

Which police came out? Your neighborhood police team should deal with this.nits anti social behaviour. If the neighbours are renting from council and police get involved the neighbours could get evicted worst case for them.

Greyarea12 · 08/06/2022 13:42

I wouldn't normally say this but I would advise against reporting them to any organisation. They don't sound like the type of people where a report will make them change their ways but quite the opposite where they will ramp up their awful behaviour. I would also advise against speaking to them because remember these people beleive they are untouchable. They don't care about police/social sevices/rspca. Anything you do will give them 'motive' to worsen their behaviour. I honestly think your only option is to move.

HousePlantLandlord · 08/06/2022 13:51

Agree with the majority. Move and enjoy your life. They won’t change.

Surely your family would support your happiness and not rehoming the dog?!

Giraffesandbottoms · 08/06/2022 14:03

This thread is just frustrating and I wish I hadn’t opened it. Your only recourse is to move but you won’t.

I lived next to someone awful once. Not anywhere near as bad as your experience but unbelievably antisocial. Thankfully I was renting, but I went through the channels all the same - police, council etc. it doesn’t work. It makes it worse. The poor landlord ended up having to release SIX tenants early from the contracts due to her behaviour. That’s in 4 years.

these people don’t change. No, you shouldn’t have to move. No, they shouldn’t be able to get away with it. Life isn’t fair, and this is one of those situations. You will not win this battle.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/06/2022 14:05

Taurini · 08/06/2022 09:11

Long post sorry.
So I've been living here a few years now.. I chose this property due to health reasons and it being close to my childrens school.
After being here a a while I noticed fag ends all over the front garden and back garden (gate always locked) near our fence in-between mine and my neighbours property, I thought the people who lived here must have smoked so I cleaned them all up.. a month or so later loads more appeared in the same places.. and a dog poo bag right outside my door.. It was full blown lockdown.. we had no visitors since we moved in and none of our household smoke, my partner hates smoking and our kids were still I'm primary school so it wasn't them.
But my neighbours and their kids smoke and have dogs.
I vented to someone on the street about my frustrations like a fool.. and they told my neighbours.. my neighbours came banging on my door telling me they've heard I've been slagging them off and that if I have a problem I should say it to their fcking face.. they ain't fcking tramps and that if I know what is good for me I will shut my f*cking mouth...
They breed dogs and leave weeks worth of poop in their back garden then hose it away.. they don't train them, leave them inside the house whilst they work and just boot them outside when they're home.. they breed them and breed them for money then eventually sell the dog they bred from and get another.
I've had people do work on my house come up to me and tell me they can hear the neighbours hitting and yelling at the dogs.. as a dog person it breaks my heart.
My dog is a big chicken and when their dogs bark he starts barking in response and won't do his business.. I cant leave him out to play because if their dogs aren't out and the kids are and they hear him they start making barking noises at him to set him off..
I have a baby and have a set amount of time I can take him out supervised and they still do whatever they can to set him off..
They have off road bikes that they drive around the streets and parks with that are ridiculously loud and shoot down the path outside there house which is next to my front door (my fence decides their path from ours)
This wakes my baby and sometimes sets my dog off barking because it's so loud.
They know this.. and have now started just sitting on their bikes next to their front door (across from my front door) just revving the engines...
They also use our fence to pull themselves up onto their bins to jump up and down on their bins to crush down the rubbish, which smashes my fence back and forth which bangs and sets my dog off barking.. its also breaking my fence..
If the sun is shining they all sit outside drinking and smoking together swearing and shouting, even the kids in secondary school are sat drinking cans of beer and smoking with them. Their youngest sits drinking vkd with them.
They talk about all the drugs they take and crimes they commit with eachother.. its shocking if I'm honest.
Theyre so loud that when it's hot I have to shut the windows in my childrens bedroom or they can't sleep..
You'd think I would get a break when they're at work and school but one of their lads from secondary school skips school most days with his friends and sit out revving their bikes and barking at my dog to set him off and waking my baby.
I put cctv all over my property to hopefully discourage them but it hasn't.
I've told my partner I want to rehome our dog.. I'm devastated to say it but I cant cope..him and the children aren't happy with me.. but I don't know what else to do, we can't move as we have to be close to school due to my health.
I'm not sure who I could report my neighbours to, i think things would escalate if i did.
The lad who skips school and revs the bike outside my door has been in trouble with the police for armed robbery and criminal damage but they can't do anything because he's too young.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore.. even if I rehome my dog the revving of the bikes alone wakes up my baby..
Has anyone else been through anything similar who can give advice?
I'm getting close to having a break down here..
I feel like they can just break the law, treat my property however they wish and treat us like crap and we have no rights whatsoever 😩

They can't do anything about it because he's too young.

Well is he under 10 because that's the age of criminal
responsibility or have I missed something. More like they CBA to do anything about it and are happy to let the dregs of society do as they please.
I want to say to you just move away. The fight is not worth the hassle. However some would say "why should you be defeated by these bullies and have to uproot your selves.
They shpuld build an estate especially for all these fighting macs and let them all go and live there together and fight one another and leave law abiding decent people alone.

Cyw2018 · 08/06/2022 14:31

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 08/06/2022 12:37

“What exactly are you suggesting? That OP mugs a granny in order to get some kudos with her NDN and endear herself to them?!”

Of course not 🙄 OP is unwilling to move. Legal channels eg police/council complaints etc are unlikely to succeed but are likely to exacerbate the situation. What is the harm of going out, on a warm summer eve, when they’re there. You don’t need to take a can of Special Brew with you - a cup of coffee would do. Make polite convo - about anything. Anything at all. Admire their chairs. Anything! You don’t have to like, admire or respect them. Just appear pleasant! I’ve had neighbours in the past complaining about others calling the police on them etc. It should work - report the baddies and they’re taken away etc but we don’t live in a perfect world. If OP chooses to stay she is stuck with them. They’re not going anywhere. They live next door. This is a second-best option I reckon if OP is staying out.

That was sarcasm, at the ridiculous suggestion you made.

I don't think you really understand the kind of people OP is dealing with. That don't want to befriend or be befriended by her, they want to bully her, or if she tried to befriend them they might humour her and then use her with terrible consequences.

In a professional capacity I've been involved with neighbours situations like these and supported colleagues following another. One, where they followed your advice, resulted in two people being stabbed and sustaining life changing injuries. The other resulted in the murder of a large number of people including several children.

OP needs to move house not lend these bullies some sugar.

Taurini · 08/06/2022 14:32

I did what someone said and ordered the title registry deeds, they do not own the property but someone in their family own it..
I'm guessing this makes no difference to me legally?

OP posts:
Lizzieismagic · 08/06/2022 14:59

Contact the council... If they rent off a family member they can't claim housing benefit... Worth a try.

user2908143823142536475859708 · 08/06/2022 15:02

I moved. My previous neighbours wernt quite as bad as yours op but their daughters were absolutely awful.

scoobydoo1971 · 08/06/2022 15:05

I lived next door to the family from hell for a while. Unemployed alcoholic father, unemployed mother and two primary-school age children who were left to run around all hours, and rarely went to school. Loved the house and garden. When they kicked off and threatened us, I did a land registry search to identify the landlord. It was a Housing Association and I went to the Housing Manager. He bluffed and said he couldn't do anything so I told him I would be all over this legally and would use every channel. He then intervened by warning them of the eviction procedure. In the meantime, I quietly put the house on the market as I knew this family had young kids that would grow up into horrors. They have...my former neighbour sent me the local newspaper links of when the mother got taken to court for shoplifting and fare evasion on a trains, and how the kids (now teens) have been in youth court for vandalising cars. There are some fights that cannot be won. You have to declare neighbour disputes in the conveyance. Once you leave, you can report them to the Environment Agency and Local Authority for fly-tipping dog waste (start taking photographs), and report them to the Local Authority and RSPCA for animal welfare offences. Report them to the HMRC for running a puppy farm without paying tax. They maybe claiming benefits and not reporting the income so ring the DWP helpline as well. Take photos of the back yard if it has dog waste and show to animal welfare inspectors.

Taurini · 08/06/2022 15:08

It's a small cul-de-sac and they have a caravan on their drive, they have 5 vehicles and their son leaves his flat bed trailer thing often, the bit where they leave them all should be for cars to use to turn around in.. not for parking in.. I'm not sure if there's some kind of protection order with a limit to the amount of vehicles or if caravans are allowed or not.. might look into this, perhaps I can get them to move. Worth a shot.

OP posts:
Inkyblue123 · 08/06/2022 15:12

Report or move. Don’t bitch to the neighbours, you could write them a letter but tbh people like that don’t change their attitudes. Check with the land registry who actually owns the property - it might be a housing association - you might have more joy dealing with them

SaveMePlease · 08/06/2022 15:16

Taurini · 08/06/2022 15:08

It's a small cul-de-sac and they have a caravan on their drive, they have 5 vehicles and their son leaves his flat bed trailer thing often, the bit where they leave them all should be for cars to use to turn around in.. not for parking in.. I'm not sure if there's some kind of protection order with a limit to the amount of vehicles or if caravans are allowed or not.. might look into this, perhaps I can get them to move. Worth a shot.

OP - you didn't even mention the parking in your original post. It's clearly the least of your concerns compared to the other stuff you raised. Is them moving the flat bed trailer really going to improve your life so much that it's worth staying? No!

missdemeanors · 08/06/2022 15:24

Feels like we're talking to a brick wall but honestly in your situation I'd be moving, I'd be busting my guts to get a detached property preferably somewhere with space not 6 inches from next door's plot.

Sod the kid's school being over the road- what on earth is the point of having that sort of convenience if your family's life is made hell on earth? I'd move hundreds of miles if necessary to escape - this must be ruining your family's life.

If you make any sort of official complaint now, you'll need to declare when selling which will probably put the kibosh on a sale or mean you have to sell below what your property is worth. Just get out. Or live like this for the foreseeable.

Motnight · 08/06/2022 15:26

Move. Been in a similar but different position to you Op and moving was the best thing we did.

paintingcolors · 08/06/2022 15:29

We have a set of neighbours like this up the road. The council will do nothing despite our entire street begging them to stop the anti social behaviour. The only solution is to move. It isn't fair but it is the reality.

BorisJohnsonatemyhampster · 08/06/2022 15:43

You’re not going to win this one. Your only option is to change your child’s school.

We had a family like this in our neighbourhood when I was a kid - but they were a street a way thank God. Generations of unemployment, swearing, drinking, thieving(the DD was caught nicking clothes off someone washing line and one of the DS’s came running up the street trying to sell someone’s video recorder that he’s just nicked from their house with the wires still hanging out), they were racist, even the little ones were screaming abuse at anyone who looked foreign, smashed up fridges in the front garden. Just pure scumbags the lot of them.

Just move, it’s not worth your mental health.

BluebellField · 08/06/2022 15:48

Honestly I would move. There's no way I would re-home my dog because of the neighbours.

Doesn't sound like this will ever get better. They're not nice people.

Is there someone, like your parents, in the area who your dog can stay with for a bit? I would personally do this and move.

Giraffesandbottoms · 08/06/2022 16:07

It’s irrelevant if you’re dealing with housing association or not. They don’t care. They won’t help you

Chattycatty · 08/06/2022 16:09

Move
Move
Move
Move

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