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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can she start school like this

124 replies

Butwhendoesitgeteasier · 07/06/2022 16:05

Dd is 4 in July and due to start school.
She’s so headstrong and hard to control. She’s a sweet and bright girl but doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do, she also can’t stay focused for long and wants to be off playing.
I realise a lot of it is her age, but I just can’t see her sitting down in Reception and completing tasks. I made some activities today and she lasted around 10 minutes before wanting to stop, it’s the same with painting etc

Feeling worried for her, I don’t want her to spend her days getting into trouble with the teacher.
I don’t know where I’m going wrong

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 07/06/2022 16:07

Much of Reception is playing. The children are rarely expected to spend more than 10 - 15 on a task. They.are always on the move.

Needmorelego · 07/06/2022 16:08

10 - 15 minutes I mean.

MrsWidgerysLodger · 07/06/2022 16:08

I have absolutely no advice at all but can offer you solidarity. My DD is 4.5 years old and I could have written every single sentence of your post. I partially blame Covid as the restrictions have had a massive effect on our smallhumans but I don't have an answer on how to make it all okay. I'm sure the teachers will be prepped for it all however. Here for a handhold whenever required.

Ledkr · 07/06/2022 16:08

Does she go to nursery?
Because reception is mostly like that and they do lots and lots of play with a bit of learning added in as well.
They will slowly let them get used to slightly more structured days such as sitting on the carpet or attending assembly but will be very understanding of any children who struggle with that.
Why not speak to her teacher who u get a chance and see if you can be reassured.

Yugi · 07/06/2022 16:09

Children quite often behave quite differently in school than at home. I wouldn't worry about it until you have seen how she actually deals with it.

Etinoxaurus · 07/06/2022 16:11

Don’t expect her to behave the same with you as she will in class Flowers
DS sounds similar to your DD. The half term holiday before he started school I sent him to a short course, randomly in gymnastics, just to give him an experience in listening and turn taking in a group session. If she’s starting in September she’ll have the advantage of a smaller class before the summer borns arrive after Christmas. In the meantime praise her for listening and concentrating and try very very hard not to let her know you’re anxious- present school as an exciting experience she’ll enjoy.

CheesyColeslaw · 07/06/2022 16:12

Kids in reception aren't expected to sit down and focus for more than that anyway. I wouldn't worry, she sounds like most 4 year olds.

Sirzy · 07/06/2022 16:13

Does she go to nursery?

what you describe doesn’t sound anything out of the normal for a 4 year old

Lacedwithgrace · 07/06/2022 16:14

She sounds like a very normal 4 year old! Children don't go to school 'ready' they go there as they are. Some children follow structure and directions well, some prefer to do their own thing.

Twizbe · 07/06/2022 16:15

Most 4 year olds are like this.

At first reception is mostly playing and small bursts of learning.

As the year progresses they understand what is expected and can concentrate for longer.

She will be fine.

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 07/06/2022 16:16

As she's Summerborn, if you feel she'd benefit from another year at nursery, you can apply to the Head, and the LA, to delay her a year. She still gets ALL her schooling, just starts a year later.

Hankunamatata · 07/06/2022 16:18

Do you think you would be better deferring her a year?

Chanel05 · 07/06/2022 16:19

Yugi · 07/06/2022 16:09

Children quite often behave quite differently in school than at home. I wouldn't worry about it until you have seen how she actually deals with it.

This!!

Also, adult led activities are very short and sweet in Early Years. It's also quite common for some children to get up and walk off during carpet time (register etc) at the beginning! Once they see their peers sitting and understand what is expected, they quickly get into a routine Smile

maddiemookins16mum · 07/06/2022 16:24

They will behave totally different at School (and Granny’s 🤣🤣). They also follow what others are doing.

orwellwasright · 07/06/2022 16:27

Ten minutes concentration is age appropriate. She'll be fine in the child factory. Year R is literally about socialising them into humans.

DogsAndGin · 07/06/2022 16:28

She’ll be fine. She’ll be mainly playing all day and going to do tasks for 10-15 mins with the teacher or in a group

rnsaslkih · 07/06/2022 16:28

Going to school will help her. It’s surprising what kids will do when asked by someone other than their parents.

NumberCurtains · 07/06/2022 16:34

Yanbu. I'm having the same concerns about my very active 4 year old. She currently spends 9 hours per day running around at preschool and we get a nice, long walk in before and after. She is still bouncing off the walls every day 😀 She has never focused on a task for more than 2 minutes in her life.

I am sending her to a school that focusses a lot on free play for reception and year 1 but I still think she will struggle and find it very restricting.if you've never given birth to one of the 'Prince-Louis' of the world, you don't know!

My eldest DD was nothing like this at 4. She was 100per cent school ready by 4. Could sit still for 30-40 minutes, lots of focus and quiet play. So I know it is not my parenting or some sort of PFB level of concern.

Some 4 year olds are just more active than others and do not seem suited to our schooling system. It is a real shame that this isn't acknowledged and respected. I would vote for different sorts of classes for different personality types (something a bit like Steiner schools but without the cult stuff).

BlackeyedSusan · 07/06/2022 16:36

It's fine. Summer born three year old normal. If you have taught her to wipe her own bum anything else is a bonus.

Putting own shoes on, getting dressed after pe and fastening own coat are also great skills.

waterrat · 07/06/2022 16:38

Well. She sounds healthy and normal. But I do believe we ask children to start sitting and learning formally fsr far too young here in the UK. In most countries children don't start full on formal reading and writing until 7..year 3 !

However. Your child will not be expected to sit still too much in reception. It's a lot of play. Thr age that they are really forced to sit still too soon is year 1. That really does suck for active kids!!

If you think as a summer born she would benefit from the extra early year then you should defer her. I still wish I had deffered my summer born.

Original poster
Butwhendoesitgeteasier · 07/06/2022 16:41

Thanks everyone.

Shes not been at nursery as I’m currently staying at home with her. She does gymnastics once per week, swimming & lots of play dates & activities at home and out and about, perhaps this is the issue 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Workawayxx · 07/06/2022 16:41

When my DS was towards the end of reception, when he was 5, the (very experienced) teacher said he could concentrate for 10 minutes and 20 minutes if he was really interested in something and that was good for his age. So I honestly wouldn't worry too much. Does she go to nursery/preschool and what do they say? There seemed to be a huge variation among DS's reception peers.

Workawayxx · 07/06/2022 16:43

Sorry, cross posted about nursery/preschool. I honestly wouldn't worry too much.

Lovetogarden2022 · 07/06/2022 16:43

She'll be fine - teachers have all sorts of techniques and ways to get them to concentrate on tasks. Plus reception isn't too intense generally :)

mackthepony · 07/06/2022 16:43

Sounds normal to me