How can she start school like this

[Butwhendoesitgeteasier]

Dd is 4 in July and due to start school.
She’s so headstrong and hard to control. She’s a sweet and bright girl but doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do, she also can’t stay focused for long and wants to be off playing.
I realise a lot of it is her age, but I just can’t see her sitting down in Reception and completing tasks. I made some activities today and she lasted around 10 minutes before wanting to stop, it’s the same with painting etc

Feeling worried for her, I don’t want her to spend her days getting into trouble with the teacher.
I don’t know where I’m going wrong

Primary school teachers have a particular magic ime when it comes to getting recalcitrant 4 year olds to toe the line. It's remarkable how they whip them into shape.

From the sounds of it, your DD won't be anything out of the ordinary for them. I imagine she'll be fine at school (but she may take it out on you at home after the pressure of being good all day at school😁). If not, I would have thought that the school would let you know and help come up with strategies to help her cope. "School-unready" children starting in reception are hardly uncommon and there's usually a couple at least in each class, so it's something the teachers will be familiar with rather than labelling her immediately as 'naughty'.

@BlackeyedSusan Yeah, she can do all that, she’s very capable, she’s just a lot and can be a pain in the bum! 🙈

She sounds like a perfectly normal, nature child with age appropriate behaviour.

One of my children were like this (later diagnosed with ADHD in this situation, but had no idea at the time).
The school made provisions for him.
For example, he really struggled with assembly, he would find the whole sitting still incredibly stressful so he didn't have to go for most of a year.
They implemented other positive strategies as well, some worked, some didn't.

They will be used to coping with a range of behaviours and personalities.

I have a similar concern with my 3.5 year old for when he starts but the total opposite.
He is very sensitive to my other boys and gets really upset if he thinks he is being told off.
Big, gulping, heart wrenching sobs.
A Tesco employee recently asked him to move his hand from the self checkout (as it was disrupting the basket area) and he was utterly broken for about an hour after.

How will he cope with being told what to and not to do at school?!

They see such a spectrum in Year R. The genuinely not ready ones don't know their names and still piss themselves all day.

(I'm not suggested ADHD for your daughter at all by the way 😊)

@DontLookBackInAnger1 sorry to sidetrack the conversation but is that true? I thought if they delayed a year they then went into year 1 rather than reception? Genuinely interested as I have sometimes considered if this would be useful and when I thought they went to straight into year 1 I didn’t consider further.

Re the OP I have a nearly 3 year old summer born who also can’t sit still, however, at nursery it’s a different story if they tell her to sit and join in at circle time she absolutely will. I think it’s because her peers are doing it so she does too.

It depends on the LEA & school. Our LEA will allow you to defer a year but they then enter Yr1 & miss Reception year; which is just stupid. Other LEAs will allow you to defer & enter Reception after they've turned 5. Check your LEAs rules out beforehand.

Children are different in a structured environment and when away from parents. Your dc hasn't really experienced that yet because they haven't been in a nursery setting but I'm sure they will be fine.

There is no issue you are just making one. Either it’s her age or yes she’s a headstrong little girl who knows her own mind. Nothing wrong with that at all. I don’t see why it needs to be seen as a negative. She will not be the first head strong girl that teachers have seen nor last and she will soon learn how she needs to “behave”in certain situations.

She will be fine, reception is mainly playing with learning in very short bursts and teachers are used to dealing with different types of children. Most children are far more better behaved at school/pre school/nursery than they are at home so try not to worry. I wouldn't defer her either, it sounds like she is ready for school.

She will be absolutely fine. Sounds a lot like my DD who was angelic for her Reception teacher.

As she’s not currently in a nursery environment though it’d be no harm to do a bit of prep with her. Not to do with her personality, just about being in groups. Waiting for turns, recognising her name etc.

I wouldn’t worry she sounds a typical four year old, my nephew is starting in September and still wears nappies and has a baby bottle of milk before bed, no medical issues just lazy parents, he’s the type of child I’d worry about not yours.

yea reception is more about play than sitting at a desk. It will do her a world of good especially if she hasn't been in a nursery setting.

I'm a childminder and trust me she will be a TOTALLY different child in the school setting.
The kids I look after - age range from 1 to 4 years old - play their mums up so much, but they are absolute angels for me.
One little girl (age 3) absolutely won't let her parents even comb her hair, she came to me today looking like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards (I was on holiday last week) within 5 minutes of arriving I'd combed all the knots out and put it in pigtails!!!
Please don't worry xxxx

There is no way I would send a just turned four year old to school in September. Is there a reason why you are planning on this option op?

2 summerborn children here. Delayed both starting reception until 5yrs.
wont miss any years of learning/don’t skip years/don’t have to ‘catch up’.

its different now and very do-able all over England (wales is different rules/Scotland they start later).
‘flexible school admissions for summerborns’ is the group you want to join on Facebook for up to date information.

it’s not reception, it’s their whole education being the youngest/least mature. Plus we start school too early in this country.
rant over

Sounds very normal to me OP. If you’re in an area that allows it easily for Summer born DC, I’d look into deferring for a year though and put her in nursery. She’ll get at least 15 hours free and is likely to flourish in school if she’s a year older when she starts.

Dd3 is an August baby and started last year in reception. She is feisty and very stubborn, lively and always racing about. She has had no issues at all in school, they only do short periods of tasks mixed with lots of play. It’s a year to ease them in from preschool into yr1 and reception teachers have some amazing skills and abilities to get small children to do stuff that parents can’t.

I worried about this too when my child was just turned 4, it was absolutely fine...he thrives in school. Kids who are like that sometimes just need a lot of stimulation and routine and school provides both. He'd have been bored to tears at 4 1/2 years old in a nursery.

I think it’s a pity you’ve not sent her to nursery. My summer born loved nursery and had no issues with settling at school. It’s a good thing you can do to get them independent.

This is interesting to me. Not in UK and where I am we don’t talk about children being ready for school as it’s the school’s role to be ready for the children. Children are not one homogeneous type, they are individuals with their own personalities, abilities and needs. And your little girl sounds absolutely wonderful. I hope you will be happily surprised by how she is welcomed into school.

She sounds great! Don't worry at all. When DS went to reception 20 years ago, his teacher suggested I should take him to the doctor, "because there's medication for him". He didn't need anything, he was just madly bouncy with 0 attention span, and the teacher earned a formal complaint. He settled down by xmas in Year 1 and was ready to learn.

‘Peer pressure’ at that age really helps - they see other children behaving and getting praised and they want to do it too. The routine of school is great for most children. Even though they do a lot of play in reception the structure of getting ready and going to school, using their peg, knowing when is play time and when is story time, when is phonics time etc really helps them. So honestly don’t worry too much.

Sounds like she's ready for school!