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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I6 year old caring for 2 year old

112 replies

Rosebel · 07/06/2022 10:09

I have been offered a new job which I really want. I have childcare in place 4 days a week but nursery has no space on Thursday until late August.
My job starts in July by which time my eldest will have finished her GCSEs and I'm thinking of asking her to take care of toddler on Thursday until nursery has space.
She absolutely loves her little brother and he adores her but is it asking too much? It would be a long day from about 7:15 to around 4:30.
Once her sister (14)finishes school she'd be able to help too but is it too much to ask?
I know my sister used to look after me during the holidays when our parents were working but I wasn't 2.
YABU it's too much to ask
YANBU it's fine

OP posts:

Eskarina1 · 07/06/2022 10:14

It's a lot but depending on them both, maybe not too much.

Are you planning to pay her? I think it's too big an ask not to offer and genuinely mean it.

What support would be available to her if it wasn't working? What activities/food etc would you plan.

Also, don't ask if you won't accept her saying no. It's too much to insist on.

Miriam101 · 07/06/2022 10:16

No, sorry. I don’t think that’s fair on either child. (But then again I don’t have much experience of teenagers. I think even the most responsible and affectionate of 16yos might find that quite a heavy burden though! And were you thinking of paying her?) It sucks that finding the right childcare is so hard but I think you should look for alternatives

RedHelenB · 07/06/2022 10:18

Perfectly fine but definitely there should be some financial.recompense as it's for a full day rather than an hour or so..

JuneJubilee · 07/06/2022 10:19

congrats on the new job!!

You know your DD. You know whether she CAN do it or not. I try not to do the 'back a million years ago, we used to xyz' but I'm going to make an exception!! I was looking after babies & toddlers from 13. Babysitting & full days, at 14 I did overnights.

but I do think children are mostly brought up differently these days & are mostly less responsible & less able. Not their fault, just how society has changed. You know your DD, we don't. But if you think she's able to change him, feed him (knows what he can/can't have) & won't have mates around that won't focus on DS etc then it can't hurt to ask her.

it's a big commitment though, so if you can I'd look at rewarding her afterwards in some way, whilst not setting up a situation where she'll only babysit if you pay her, it's a fine line.

Justcallmebebes · 07/06/2022 10:20

I was a full-time nanny for a 2 year old when I had only just turned 17 so depending on the children, and you will know best, I think that's fine as long as the 16 year old isn't being taken advantage of.

Plenty of 15 / 16 years olds babysit for kids that age so I think it's a great way for your 16 year old to not only help out, but earn some cash doing so

frogswimming · 07/06/2022 10:20

I think it's fine, as long as you pay her, then it's her summer job.

WaltzingWaters · 07/06/2022 10:21

I would babysit other people’s young kids at that age regularly. I’d say it’s fine as long as your 16YO is happy with it and responsible enough and your 2YO isn’t exceptionally challenging.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/06/2022 10:22

She is 16 old enough to have a child of her own. Its a great way for her to make some money.

110APiccadilly · 07/06/2022 10:22

I did something similar at 16/17 for a younger sibling. I think you should definitely pay her, that's only fair for a regular one day a week (I was paid).

Also, she needs to be happy with it. So offer it to her, with pay, but I wouldn't force it if she's not happy. That won't be good for her or the toddler.

StarDolphins · 07/06/2022 10:23

Absolutely fine imo, especially if there’s a bit of financial reward for her! 😃

RandomQuest · 07/06/2022 10:26

It’s perfectly normal for a 16YO to have a part time holiday job, and babysitting is a perfectly appropriate one. As long as you pay her minimum wage, which will be cheaper than the nursery so no excuse not to, then it’s fine.

OnlyLosersTakeTheBus · 07/06/2022 10:26

My friend's just-turned 18 year old is looking after a 2/3 year old over the summer. If you think she's capable and she's happy to do it, pay her and go for it. It's only 1 day a week after all.

MissBPotter · 07/06/2022 10:27

If she’s happy to do it then go for it. I would definitely pay her and give her money to do things with dc eg buy ice cream or soft play or whatever. Bus money etc as can’t drive. But this long summer can be a bit aimless for kids of that age and so it will be a good little summer job for her and helps you out, plus sibling bonding time.

Aussiegirl123456 · 07/06/2022 10:28

I’ve got a 16 year old daughter and a 2 year old daughter. I know my daughter would be fine in that position and would really appreciate the money throughout the summer.

It all depends on your daughter though. Is she mature enough? Are you paying her? How far away is your job if an emergency arises? Is there any other family near by ‘just in case’?

mbosnz · 07/06/2022 10:29

If the relationship between the two is good, she is asked, and knows she genuinely can say no, without repercussions, and she is being paid for it, then I'd say go for it!

(I say that as one that my siblings did not like me as a two year old, then I didn't like their children when I was a teen, I was given no option, and sweet bugger all pay, lol).

TidyDancer · 07/06/2022 10:30

Yeah this is incredibly dependant on the two children involved. I would be fine with it in theory but only if you think your DD would be okay with it. You would need to pay her, have you floated the idea with her?

lanthanum · 07/06/2022 10:31

I'd offer pay, on the grounds of it being a full day rather than "looking after him while I go to the supermarket" or for a couple of hours in the evening when he's asleep anyway. Make that distinction clear, so shorter babysits can remain part of "contribution to family life". It's also more of a commitment, in that she absolutely cannot back out if friends turn out to have plans. You'll be paying the childminder once that's an option, so the money is presumably there (and you probably don't need to pay her quite as much - other jobs for 16 year olds won't pay the adult minimum wage).

If you were talking about all day every day, that would be a big ask, but one day a week is entirely reasonable.

rainbowunicorn · 07/06/2022 10:31

I think it is fine as long as you are paying her at the very least the minimum wage for a 16 year old which is £4.83 and hour. So rounded up £5 an hour minimum which for a 9 hour day is £45. This is a minimum as she could go and get herslf a job paying more than that. Just to put in context my own 16 year old gets paid £10 an hour in their part time job.
Also additional money left so that she can take the toddler out and about to soft play, trip to park and an ice cream etc.

Axahooxa · 07/06/2022 10:32

My 13 year olds used to look after their 2 and 4 year old siblings. Maybe ask her to have a friend to help and split some pocket money?

FerminaDaza128 · 07/06/2022 10:32

As someone with two much younger siblings, this was normal for me growing up and has led to a much closer bond with sibs in adulthood than I might otherwise have had, so never resented it at all. We still have our own special snack combos and in-jokes when we get together from the time I was looking after them.

Agree with other posters about paying her a set rate (ideally minimum wage if you can afford it) helping her out with suggestions for a daily routine and food prep, and being accepting of her saying no if she so chooses.

She might be very happy with the additional responsibilities and a chance to earn a bit of extra money, and I certainly wouldn’t see anything wrong with the arrangement but it must be her choice. I think 16 is old enough to take it on - you know your daughter so if she’s up for it and she doesn’t feel pressured then you’ve no reason to feel guilty!

Original poster

Rosebel · 07/06/2022 10:33

I'd be paying her if she agrees, wouldn't expect her to do it for free. I'd also pay my 14 year old once she breaks up from school.
Food wise I'd either make him a packed lunch or something she can easily heat up. Activity wise he's got lots of things at home arts, building blocks, cars or they can go out. Although he may be so tired from nursery that he'd be happy watching Lion King. She is responsible and mature but I was just worried it might be asking too much. I could get home in 20 minutes if the need arose (DH would be even quicker if he's working locally but sometimes is away).
I'm thinking of giving a short trial to see how she feels after that. Well that's if she agrees to it. Of course she might not in which case I'll have to think again.

OP posts:

RollOnWinter · 07/06/2022 10:35

It's not fair to expect or hope your older child to look after a toddler. As you know, 2 yer olds are hard work. I think you should either wait until you're able to get the little one in at nursery, or pay a childminder.

Candleabra · 07/06/2022 10:38

Just once a week? Not too much to ask.
If your 16 year old is responsible then I think that’s fine.

Mangogogogo · 07/06/2022 10:39

At 16 girls (and boys but yours is a girl) will be going to college to do childcare and will be expected, on placements, to care for children

EatYourVegetables · 07/06/2022 10:40

Long term I’d say not fair, but we’re talking one day a week for a few weeks (depending how early in July your job starts and how late in Aug can you get the nursery spot)? So, maybe 4 or 6 days? That sounds ok to me.

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