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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I6 year old caring for 2 year old

112 replies

Rosebel · 07/06/2022 10:09

I have been offered a new job which I really want. I have childcare in place 4 days a week but nursery has no space on Thursday until late August.
My job starts in July by which time my eldest will have finished her GCSEs and I'm thinking of asking her to take care of toddler on Thursday until nursery has space.
She absolutely loves her little brother and he adores her but is it asking too much? It would be a long day from about 7:15 to around 4:30.
Once her sister (14)finishes school she'd be able to help too but is it too much to ask?
I know my sister used to look after me during the holidays when our parents were working but I wasn't 2.
YABU it's too much to ask
YANBU it's fine

OP posts:
Saracen · 07/06/2022 16:10

It isn't unreasonable to ask, but she should be rewarded in a significant way. It's a long day to look after a toddler. Either pay her properly or offer her something else she wants very much.

The exception would be if you were very hard up and at the end of your rope, in which case she just has to muck in so the family can survive, though it isn't ideal. This is the situation in many families.

MisguidedSheep · 07/06/2022 19:17

@SmartCarDriver - lol! Maybe read my post again I simply point out the drawbacks and state an opinion. Just like your obviously opposing one it is perfectly valid.

I am allowed to think that teenagers should be allowed to be teenagers and kickback and relax after the intensity of exams (and especially after the last couple of years). You think differently....that's fine, maybe next time try and be a little more polite.

minutesturntohours · 07/06/2022 20:37

No.

An evening, yes.

Not a full day.

GreenCat44 · 07/06/2022 20:45

My mum worked nights and i looked after my youngest sister (same age gap? There's 14 yrs between us) once I'd left school. Also babysat for the same age kids during the day while their mum worked. I think if she doesn't mind and you think she'll be ok, go for it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/06/2022 21:03

I think she should be paid more than NMW because it reduces opportunities for other full time jobs (she'd have to find one that guarantees the same day off every week when employers often demand absolute flexibility & eliminates Mon-Fri jobs altogether). Just because it's legal to pay a 16 year fuck all, that doesn't mean that it's right. And you will still be receiving Child Benefit for her, so it's not as if you're paying £22 of it out of your own pocket.

It's over 9 hours without a break. I think that's worth £6 ph. Especially as that's less than a childminder (most of whom will probably be on holiday at some point over the summer so wouldn't be available for a one day a week child even if they were willing and had space for one compared to a 3-5 place).

Original poster
Rosebel · 07/06/2022 22:19

Tbf she hasn't looked for a job and has decided she's going to look for one in September /October as then she'll know her college schedule and thinks they'll be more opportunities as the uni students will be back by then.
Anyway I asked her tonight and she was really happy about it, although we're still going to do a trial run. She offered to do it for £10 a day!! Don't worry she'll be getting more than that.

OP posts:
HappyDays40 · 07/06/2022 22:26

At 14 I used to collect my sister (12) and cousins 9, 7 and 4 from a local primary school 5 days per week. I made their tea and looked after them till their mum got home. I loved doing it she will be perfectly capable. Ask her and offer to pay her. 😁

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/06/2022 22:34

I don’t see why not - as long as she is genuinely up for it, and you are happy she’s sensible enough. It’s great life and work experience and will build their relationship.

Do some settling in days with her, make sure she knows what to do in an emergency and does a basic first aid course. It’s a long day so if there’s an activity group she can go to.

If it’s for more than a few weeks she should be paid though as it’s time she could be using to earn money.

R1408 · 07/06/2022 22:37

I pay a 16 year old babysitter to look after my 4 year old.

Kanaloa · 08/06/2022 01:07

Bless her 😂 she needs to learn a bit about the art of negotiation! To be fair I can see why she’d jump at the chance. Looking after your own baby brother in your house with the option to stick him in the pram and go out a walk/chill at home/have a friend over is cushty compared to a job earning pennies and working super hard in a shop or cafe or hotel or similar. And she’ll have a bit of extra pocket money and be in mum’s good books next time she wants a favour. Win win really.

Sunnytwobridges · 08/06/2022 01:39

I think this would be fine as long as the two year old isn’t a handful. I don’t care how many people had babies at 16 that doesn’t mean everyone is prepared to watch a two year old. Esp one that’s a handful and not their own. Definitely pay her fairly.

SmartCarDriver · 08/06/2022 07:01

MisguidedSheep · 07/06/2022 19:17

@SmartCarDriver - lol! Maybe read my post again I simply point out the drawbacks and state an opinion. Just like your obviously opposing one it is perfectly valid.

I am allowed to think that teenagers should be allowed to be teenagers and kickback and relax after the intensity of exams (and especially after the last couple of years). You think differently....that's fine, maybe next time try and be a little more polite.

I think 9 hours a week means they can still be a teenager and "kick back and relax"!

It it was 3/4 days a week I might agree, but really?

SmartCarDriver · 08/06/2022 07:02

Rosebel · 07/06/2022 22:19

Tbf she hasn't looked for a job and has decided she's going to look for one in September /October as then she'll know her college schedule and thinks they'll be more opportunities as the uni students will be back by then.
Anyway I asked her tonight and she was really happy about it, although we're still going to do a trial run. She offered to do it for £10 a day!! Don't worry she'll be getting more than that.

Great, that's sorted (assuming trial goes ok). Good luck in your new job!

CthulhuInDisguise · 08/06/2022 07:21

I regularly babysat my much younger sister from the age of about 13 (she is 1p years younger) and DSS2 used to have DS (13 years younger) when he was 15 or so. Both me and DSS were sensible and had been involved in their care from newborns (nappy changes, feeding etc) and, crucially, had phone numbers and local family members if things went wrong. I wouldn't have asked DSS1 to do the same (18 years older than DS) because he wasn't as mature. It all depends on maturity levels and having things in place, in my view. My sister used to take DS when she went out with her friends, from when he was about 4 (she would have been 15). Not a big deal if you are confident they can cope.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/06/2022 07:25

My DD (was 17 in April), is caring for a just turned 3 year old for the whole summer hols. He knows her very well (they are from our church family and she’s babysat since he was a baby). She’s getting £250.00 a week, 8-5pm, half day on a Friday. She’s even got a timetable of activities planned for each day and what she’s doing for lunch!!!

mangomama91 · 08/06/2022 07:31

I looked after my sister through the school holidays when I was that age, there's only 11 years between us so she was older than your son but I also took her out for the day when she was younger too. And I was about to go into college and do childcare so I actually loved it.
Definitely, if your daughter says yes then I think it's a good solution!

KangarooKenny · 08/06/2022 07:31

I think it’s fine if she’s paid, and she knows the child’s routine and what to do in an emergency. At the end of the day, the 2 year old could be the 16 year old’s child.

liveforsummer · 08/06/2022 07:34

Once a week for a limited time - absolutely fine imo.

Lalliella · 08/06/2022 07:54

Absolutely fine, if you pay her of course. It can be her summer job, she’ll probably love the responsibility and the money!

Hillary17 · 08/06/2022 07:55

I’m sure she can do it and would probably say yes, but is it fair on her? No. She should be enjoying her summer. What if something went wrong? It’s an awful lot of pressure for a child to have on their shoulders.

Kanaloa · 08/06/2022 08:23

Hillary17 · 08/06/2022 07:55

I’m sure she can do it and would probably say yes, but is it fair on her? No. She should be enjoying her summer. What if something went wrong? It’s an awful lot of pressure for a child to have on their shoulders.

Surely she can enjoy her summer and also babysit her brother one day a week? I honestly wonder how some of these mumsnet teens cope when they go off to university since they’re apparently incapable of taking on any small amount of responsibility at any time.

She is 16. She’s no longer ‘a child.’ And a small amount of pressure/responsibility is normal and healthy for a teen as long as she knows if it’s too much she can talk to her mum and change her mind.

brighteyesburninglikefire · 08/06/2022 10:18

I think it's fine. My 15 year old son would know how if I left him a timetable. It depends on other things, such as what your 2 year old is like without you. Mine were clingy at that age, not toilet trained fully, and had tantrums all day over nothing. Would she be able to cope with all of it?

TabithaTiger · 08/06/2022 10:23

I think it's fine so long as your daughter is happy to do it and you feel comfortable that she's responsible enough.

I used to look after a 3 year old and 1 year old every Saturday when I was 17, I loved it and it gave me good experience to put on my cv, personal statement, etc.

Onlyforcake · 08/06/2022 10:25

It's too much, taking advantage really. If she was working as an apprenticeship she'd get paid but would also have a shorter day and not be working in isolation. On top of that all of the 16 year olds have missed out on so much socialising it's a lot to ask her to sacrifice her social time and support network when theyve finally got a chance to be teenagers! Find some regular childcare and ask her to be your back up from time to time.

Mischance · 08/06/2022 10:32

Sounds fine, if she is happy to do it and is mature enough - I'd find a bit of first aid training online and make sure she has emergency contacts.

I used to look after my baby sister loads at even younger than that. And I wasn't given a choice - just had to get on with it!

I would not worry about toddlers being hard work - 16 year olds have plenty of energy! It's only once a week during school hols till something else can be arranged. Sounds ideal to me.