Sis in law drama advice

[Lagertha6]

My DH has 2 brothers and one sister who all have partners/babies/young children.

I'm in process of arranging an afternoon tea for the girls which will include my mum in law.

One of our sister in laws (call her Sadie) is very, very, very hard work. Walk on eggshell types and she becomes annoyed if you say something she doesn't agree with.

Sadie has been rude to mum in law in the past to the point of tears. She's from another country so has no family or barely any friends here. My mum in law encourages my friendship with Sadie, which is fine but everytime I see her I'm on edge.

My sis in law (DH sister) dislikes her for various reasons. I can understand why she doesn't like Sadie and I know Sadie is really hard work.

Also Sadie doesn't like my sis in law and is resentful of my mum in law. Sadie told me this and I've never repeated it to anyone.

I've just told my sis in law that I have asked Sadie to come for afternoon tea and she isn't happy about it. My sis in law (call her Katie) has two babies (newborn and 18 months) so doesn't ever get a break.

Katie has told me that she doesn't want to spend a rare day off on edge and anxious. But if I hadn't had invited her then Sadie would be upset and my mum in law wouldn't be pleased.

What do I do? Feel like just cancelling whole thing. I can't be bothered going out where people don't like each other and I have to spend the day placating everyone. But I love my family so I'm stuck.

I think you should be more caring for Sadie, it shouldn't matter how hard work she is, she is still a member of your family. Talk to her privately if need be. I feel you may be being quite harsh on Sadie.

xx 😜

I'd cancel the whole thing tbh.

I would do separate events and invite your mil to both.

Cancel. Whose idea was the tea? It will only be nice for MIL if everyone gets on, whereas it sounds as if it will be more like an episode of Eastenders.

I think you've been trapped in the middle here and need to assert yourself, get yourself out of the mix.

Tell them all that you can't be bothered refereeing them
Tell Sadie she needs to lighten up
Tell MIL/SIL they need to lighten up
Tell them you are cancelling because they can't play nice.

I have been Sadie, in that ILs decided I was the one they could dump anything and everything on.

I have a Sadie, known as PoisonousSIL, who tried to make my life within ILs family a fucking nightmare.

I told DH I was out. I wanted bugger all to do with any of them. He agreed and we have had little contact and zero drama for a couple of decades now!

Basically save yourself.

Sadie doesn’t like SIL or MIL. Why’s you invite her?

cancel the whole thing. Tell them you have covid.

If someone is a dick to everyone they shouldn’t expect to be welcomed with open arms.

If Sadie is the dick she’s brought it on herself. If it’s Katie being one the same applies.

I just keep thinking she doesn't have any family here apart from us. But I annoyed her the other week because she was moaning about my mum in law and I told her that I didn't agree with what she was saying.

My mum in law recently lost her own Mum so hasn't been available to mind Sadies children. So when I said this, Sadie became annoyed and didn't speak much for the rest of our lunch. It was very painful to keep conversation going an it upset me.

So Sadie is married to your DH's brother? And Katie is your DH's sister?

What is the occasion for this afternoon tea? Because if it's a (female) family get together, then of course Sadie should be invited and Katie needs to either decline or grow up. If it's just a social thing you're doing with people you like, you invite whoever you like and if anyone doesn't like any of the other guests, they can choose to either not attend, or suck it up.

It really is not your job to act as the mediator and go between for Katie and Sadie.

Don't know why you are bothering. Do you have a view of families that is a bit soap opera-ish? So you have to all hang out together, even if you hate each other? Can't you all just get friends of your own? Go out for afternoon tea if you must but either just mother in law or all the female family members (and I agree with your sister in law, why are you making her waste a precious day with family members she doesn't like?)

Also, Sadie sounds like a right cow.

Sadie is being unreasonable and a dick. I'd cancel the whole thing and tell everyone why. Then don't plan anything again and let them sort themselves out.

What is the purpose of this get together?

Kate is your DH’s sibling, the others are his siblings wives.

Cancel and then separately just spend a nice day or afternoon with MIL and Kate. Go out somewhere if Kate barely gets to go anywhere. Gardens or river trip or something.

I would just take your MIL out and spend some nice time just the two of you together. Both Sadie and Katie and being spoilt brats . Sadie for causing trouble and challenging everyone on everything and Katie for not sucking it up that you can't choose your family (most families have at least one awkward member) and whinging about 'not getting a break' - she is probably on ML, and has a husband, get him to help more! Plenty of single mums are working and dealing with kids.
You sound really nice for trying to do something fun with your in-laws OP. Sorry these two are such drama queens.

What do I do? Feel like just cancelling whole thing. I can't be bothered going out where people don't like each other and I have to spend the day placating everyone.
You knew who disliked who before you started playing happy families with your "girls'" tea. So why are you now surprised that they don't want to play happy families?

But I love my family so I'm stuck.
Good! - keep loving them, but stop forcing them on each other.
See Sadie separately, & don't stress yourself trying to make something happen that nobody else is comfortable with.

Why are you organising a girls tea? This certainly isn’t something I’ve ever done with my family and they aren’t hard work! Why not just all have a family get together? Or go for dinner with one of them if they need cheering up!

Sadie sounds like a stroppy pain in the arse.

Katie sounds knackered and like she’s run out of patience with her brother’s wife.

Your mother in law sounds exasperated but hopeful to the point of insanity.

You sound well meaning but ultimately misguided.

Just give it up. Katie will be anticipating Sadie being a dick and will be tense. Sadie will probably deliver on being a dick. And then everyone will feel miserable and annoyed.

Imagine, someone doing something you don’t do.

Forget all this “girls afternoon tea” stuff. Let your husband sort out social events if he can be bothered.

Gardens or river trip or something

Separate issue but what is with these ‘girl-approved’ days out? Teas? Gardens? Lovely little river cruises?

Women, know your limits.

Nice big family BBQ, kids everywhere, men making the effort with their mothers - lovely.

It's not your job to keep your in laws relationships going.

Cancel the afternoon tea due to conflicting diaries.

What’s the reason for organising the afternoon tea? If they don’t get along it seems a bit pointless. Just take your mil out if you want to. You can’t make people play happy families.

I'd leave Sadie out but I'm the sort of person who doesn't feel obliged to like family. If someone is hard work, why would I bother wasting my time with them when I can enjoy my time instead?

I would ask myself, why am I spending time with people who make me uncomfortable ?