Sis in law drama advice

[Lagertha6]

My DH has 2 brothers and one sister who all have partners/babies/young children.

I'm in process of arranging an afternoon tea for the girls which will include my mum in law.

One of our sister in laws (call her Sadie) is very, very, very hard work. Walk on eggshell types and she becomes annoyed if you say something she doesn't agree with.

Sadie has been rude to mum in law in the past to the point of tears. She's from another country so has no family or barely any friends here. My mum in law encourages my friendship with Sadie, which is fine but everytime I see her I'm on edge.

My sis in law (DH sister) dislikes her for various reasons. I can understand why she doesn't like Sadie and I know Sadie is really hard work.

Also Sadie doesn't like my sis in law and is resentful of my mum in law. Sadie told me this and I've never repeated it to anyone.

I've just told my sis in law that I have asked Sadie to come for afternoon tea and she isn't happy about it. My sis in law (call her Katie) has two babies (newborn and 18 months) so doesn't ever get a break.

Katie has told me that she doesn't want to spend a rare day off on edge and anxious. But if I hadn't had invited her then Sadie would be upset and my mum in law wouldn't be pleased.

What do I do? Feel like just cancelling whole thing. I can't be bothered going out where people don't like each other and I have to spend the day placating everyone. But I love my family so I'm stuck.

I can see what you mean, I did too until she moaned about how little childcare help she has off my MIL. She then didn't speak to me for rest of the lunch because I reminded her that my MIL has her children 4 days a week.

Imagine if someone had made your mum cry. I think Katie has been really nice about it all, if she had done that to my Mum I wouldn't have acted as calm as Katie has in the past.

It's all come to a head now after years and years of Sadie drama because my MIL lost her own Mum recently and Katie feels like her Mum is being bullied by Sadie.

WHY on gods earth would you invite some who is so rude.
Do not invite her and if she asks why tell her exactly why.~
I cant understand why this is even something you would need advice about

It was my idea just trying to have a nice day an spend time with family. But didn't realise Katie would be miffed if Sadie came. Katie or Sadie wouldn't be rude to each other but there would be underlying tension that me and our other SIL would detect.

Exactly what my DH said to me. I am really great friends with Katie and our other SIL. And my MIL is basically my 2nd Mum. So I enjoy spending time with them, but feel very guilty if I don't include Sadie because she just has us.

Take them to one of those bouncy castle events, where you get to batter each other with giant blow up hammers.

Sorry to hear about your situation too x

You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family. You can't force people to get on and there is no need for you to force people to be together. You can meet separately in different combinations, just go round for a coffee, go for lunch as you wish. No need to push people together and create stress, whilst spending money that could be spent elsewhere.

Sadie doesn't like anyone. Only me, my DH and our other BIL and SIL, but that's just because she doesn't see them often enough.

Sadie is really resentful of Katie and her two children as she feels like her two children are being ignored and she's not supported. But my MIL has her 2 kids 4 days a week.

What does the brother who is married to Sadie say about how hurtful his wife is/has been to his mum and siblings? Im assuming his siblings have told him? Has he spoken to her about it and explained that she has upset his mum - the one that babysits their children? Personally I wouldnt invite Sadie (I agree with Katie and her rare day off comment) due to her behaviour and that's on her but I think her husband should be approached about it and see if he can smooth the waters so to speak for his family harmony.

You all need friends who are not family. If you insist on making your family into your best friends, this is where you are going to end up. I expect all the drama is very exciting though so whatever you decide will feed it nicely - either all go to a 'girls afternoon' and enjoy the passive-aggression, or cut out Sadie and spark a nice bit of drama
What would I do?
Develop my social life to a wider social circle.
Alternatively, if mil is a second mother, take her out for a nice meal just the two of you.

Yes Katie is my DH sister, and Sadie is engaged to their brother with 2 small children.

It was just girls afternoon as my MIL been very down an she's been really ill on top of losing her Mum recently. We all really get on and on the surface so does Sadie but she would have a face on all day and not speak, basically look like that she wouldn't wana be there.

I've asked her out of duty because she is part of the family and I'm not type of person to leave someone out esp if her own family are abroad.

We all get on. It's Sadie who doesn't get on with anyone except me and my DH. It was meant to be a nice thing for my MIL. Do you not socialise with your family?

Fab idea thank you xxxx

My SIL was an absolute cow. My mother didn't want to acknowledge this and arranged things that SIL would attend. SIL always found something to feel offended about , slighted by ,to bitch to my brother about afterwards. He would then relay it all back to my mother who would blame it on me. When they split SIL put a knife through the eyes on all the photos of him, wrote cunt in giant letters on his kayak ( as you do) sold his huge collection of records and then tried to blind him. He was hospitalised and my mother finally had to admit that X was quite hard work.

Yes, we socialise loads, but not in groups of only men/women!

If your MiL needed cheering up, you could have taken her out for dinner.

Aw thank you very much for that. I appreciate it. To be honest wishing I hadn't opened can of worms xx

Why are you trying to get ppl together that you know don't like each other?

You should see them separately if you really want to see them.

I get the feeling you're only seeing the awkward woman because you feel you should and not because you want to. Fuck that, life's too short

Read my mind xxxx

Same. I did it originally because MIL asked me and I did enjoy her company. But then she started moaning about the whole family and when I saw her the other week I told her I disagreed with a comment she said, she didn't talk 2 me then. Now I give her a wide berth.

I have too much going on with my own family to be worried about upsetting her. I'm sick of it to be honest

Yes you're right, I am. I kind of understand now why she doesn't have many friends.

I think I will to be honest. Its easiest. Thank you.

No way! Wow so sorry to hear that. How is he now? Hope he is happy xx

You'd think that but Sadies husband doesn't have a backbone and doesn't say anything to anyone. His Mum still pays his dentist. He is very immature 40 year old. He is the oldest but acts like a child

I would love that. Literally all your aggression out ha!