Sis in law drama advice

[Lagertha6]

My DH has 2 brothers and one sister who all have partners/babies/young children.

I'm in process of arranging an afternoon tea for the girls which will include my mum in law.

One of our sister in laws (call her Sadie) is very, very, very hard work. Walk on eggshell types and she becomes annoyed if you say something she doesn't agree with.

Sadie has been rude to mum in law in the past to the point of tears. She's from another country so has no family or barely any friends here. My mum in law encourages my friendship with Sadie, which is fine but everytime I see her I'm on edge.

My sis in law (DH sister) dislikes her for various reasons. I can understand why she doesn't like Sadie and I know Sadie is really hard work.

Also Sadie doesn't like my sis in law and is resentful of my mum in law. Sadie told me this and I've never repeated it to anyone.

I've just told my sis in law that I have asked Sadie to come for afternoon tea and she isn't happy about it. My sis in law (call her Katie) has two babies (newborn and 18 months) so doesn't ever get a break.

Katie has told me that she doesn't want to spend a rare day off on edge and anxious. But if I hadn't had invited her then Sadie would be upset and my mum in law wouldn't be pleased.

What do I do? Feel like just cancelling whole thing. I can't be bothered going out where people don't like each other and I have to spend the day placating everyone. But I love my family so I'm stuck.

has barely spoken to me since

Honestly this sounds like a result. Cancel the plans, book something else sans Sadie as long as you can trust the others to be discreet (sounds like you can). Have a nice time

This is your husband's family. Why are you arranging a tea for people that don't like to spend time together?

I appreciate you say you invited Sadie out of a feeling of duty and guilt, but I think you would all be happier if you suppress that and don't invite her to events like this. She will ruin it for your MIL and Katie as well as you!

My two sisters-in-law are lovely and I would enjoy afternoon tea with them, but if I had one who was as awkward and unpleasant as Sadie I just wouldn't invite her. I wouldn't post photos on FB or otherwise let her know she was being excluded, that would be mean, but actions have consequences and people not wanting her presence is the natural outcome of her behaviour. Why should you feel guilty about that, if you don't otherwise rub her nose in it? I'd be frankly pissed off with her carping about her MIL when her MIL is very good and helpful to her, I don't blame you for commenting on that and good for you, sticking up for your MIL.

In short, I'd tell Sadie the tea was cancelled and just do it without her. She's an adult who needs to make an effort to get on with people and make friends where she is, wherever that happens to be. It's not down to other people to fill the gap if she's not prepared to be nice!

Thanks very much. It is a result but then when family events come up everyone's always uptight about upsetting her rather than us all being together enjoying ourselves.

Just going to give her wide berth x

I know. I really wish none of us where in this situation because it just makes everything so much more hard work. When it was the funeral she sat away from us all inc me and this was before I'd annoyed her. She even sat away from her partner.

Katie really needs some time for herself and MIL needs it too. She's up the wall with grandchildren and had own health probs.

Think have my answer. Thanks everyone xxx

ah, fair point, but I was working within the context of the OP’s starting point: a really party.

Personally I would suggest some wild swimming followed by a pint.

At least I didn’t suggest a ‘Spa Day’ 😉

I think you are the problem in all of this and you are making the whole situation worse.

You know there is tension between Katie/ mil and Sadie but you insist on trying to draw them together.

See them separately, stop putting your own needs ahead of other peoples feelings, you need to accept this is not going to work .

Or a shopping day ;)

Yes just say she needed a few things and you took her shopping and whoops they had a walk in table for 2 for afternoon tea.