Lots of dog owners are clueless about dogs so while you taking your cues from them is understandable, it was a big mistake.
Knowledgable dog owners would have kept small children and babies apart from the off; using a puppy play pen, baby gate, crate, depending on the size of dog and the configuration of their house.
They would already have explained to you that while Benji has never hurt a fly, unfortunately your baby has to be kept apart and that children should never disturb a sleeping dog or hug them. They should have been setting ground rules not you, it’s their dog.
As everyone has said, the poor dog has already communicated that it finds the baby crying distressing. The fact that its owners dressed this as it being protective of the baby, makes me fear they won’t take this snap seriously and I would not trust the baby to be there without me. I would also tell my DH that they need to keep the dog apart when you visit. It might be possible for the dog to have the run of the whole house barring the one room you are in (baby gate in doorway) so not necessarily the case that poor Benji is condemned to a crate for all visits.
Do not be cowed if they push back or minimise this. If your DH doesn’t back you insist you both visit the IL’s dog’s vet for advice together. There is no doubt he or she would give similar advice to what you are getting here.
You are clearly and understandably feeling defensive because people are inferring you could have protected your baby better, this feeling should give you an insight into why dog owners don’t always react rationally and intelligently when their dog warns, snaps, or even bites; particularly if they didn’t even see it for themselves. They feel defensive of:
- their beloved dog who has NEVER done that before
- the idea they failed to protect their beloved baby grandchild who is their world
- their management of their own household of which they are both the expert and boss
For some people denial or minimising is the refuge from confronting and accepting the uncomfortable truth. You can’t take the easy way out of going along with them on this as even a single bite can be a life changing one.
I hope your husband gets it and takes it from here. It’s not a question of dragging them across hot coals and making them feel bad, it’s acknowledging what happened and deciding a plan to ensure it can’t happen again.
I personally wouldn’t be happy to have two children staying while you are in labour though. It’s too easy for a gate to get left open accidentally or whatever when one is mobile and it’s a longer period.
Good luck!