I FUCKING HATE MYSELF

[Tourettes123]

Yes I am aware I only ranted yesterday.

but aibu to hate myself?

I have severe tourettes and I screamed the nword (multiple times) at a black person today.

FUCK

I fucking hate tourettes and myself. They started crying, even when I was trying to explain, with various expletives ticced among my explaining.

I’m just a crazy nut bag, clearly. Why the fuck does this always happen to me.

i fucking hate myself,

I always upset people, I don’t mean to but it always fucking happens.

OP I can totally understand why you're so upset

Could you possibly carry a card explaining that you have Tourette's so if you are struggling with your tics, you can still explain what's going on?

Hope you're ok

Oh my dear I am so sorry I have no words of advice but my heart goes out to you. Can't do much to help but I can listen if you want to rant so feel free to pm me

Oh god that must be so hard to deal with. Perhaps the card idea a pp suggested may help.

I'm really sorry to hear your struggles OP. My DS has Tourettes - on the milder end of the scale and he doesn't have coprolalia - and it can make life very tough.

Carry a card that explains your situation. As a person of colour I would see and understand and not take the slur personally

I do carry a card, you can only get said card if have a diagnosis.

but it doesn’t really help, I find unfortunately.

I would apologise if you feel it won't aggrevate the situation, hand them the card (can you photocopy it?) and then walk away. I think in this situation if you over try and explain it you might just make the whole thing worse.

I’m sorry but you’ve misunderstood, I always carry a card. And information cards.

also I’m not unwell, tourettes isn’t an illness, it’s a brain difference.

Have you had help or treatment for this OP?

This does sound very tough please be kind to yourself. Is there any counselling you can access?

I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Is there anything that helps or makes it worse?

All you can do is hand the person a card and remove yourself from the situation as fast as you reasonably can. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s not like you’re doing it on purpose.

the only thing is medication that hardly works. I’m already on one of medications they use but it doesn’t do anything for the tics, unfortunately.

It sounds very tough. But you’re doing your best op.

Music helps a little bit but I was already listening to music. It’s just really bad tics at the moment for me. Nothing much I can do unfortunately.

That must be very difficult to live with, Im sorry you have to deal with it.

God what an awful situation all round. I don't have any words of advice really, at least you're aware and trying your best.

You need to establish a routine which you can follow after one of these incidents so that you’re not beating yourself up for things you have no control over because that’s no way to go through life. I suggest as well as getting support here you find others with Tourette’s online as there are people who live through this and will have tried and tested methods.

Personally I find describing an embarrassing experience out loud to myself while also commenting very very kindly on my actions helpful. It’s cringy and to be done in private but it forces your brain to take a different perspective iyswim. It also stops me from ruminating because the rule is if I am mentally reliving the experience I have to do the stupid pep talk.

Fucking hell. Please educate yourself. OP isn’t unwell. It is not an illness.
and when did she say she hasn’t been carrying a card around? She literally said she DOES carry one. Jesus Christ.

Ok I was soooo wrong, thanks for explaining, I sincerely apologise. I'll get my post taken down or please report it.

Ahhh well not sure what else you can do. It must be truly awful and yeah, I imagine for some people even a card with an explanation won't make much difference. You must feel so terrible after something like that.

Sometimes you just have to let it go and realise there's not much else you can do and accept that some people will be left with a bad impression of you and it's out of your hands. It's incredibly, incredibly hard to get to that point of acceptance, but there is no point hating yourself either, it won't fix anything, you will just get depressed and feel even more crap.
Would talking to a cognitive therapist help at all to off-set the emotional setbacks of incidences like this?

I just bloody quoted it🤦🏿‍♀️

What a horrible situation for you OP, I'm so sorry it must be so hard. You can't blame yourself though because it's not your fault and what good would it do anyway? You're doing the best you can in very difficult circumstances.

Is there no training available now that could bring it under control ?

I remember seeing a TV documentary about Tourette's .
A central character had been taught to use the word "biscuit" as an expletive.

This must have been at least 15 years ago, surely there's been advances since then ?