I FUCKING HATE MYSELF

[Tourettes123]

Yes I am aware I only ranted yesterday.

but aibu to hate myself?

I have severe tourettes and I screamed the nword (multiple times) at a black person today.

FUCK

I fucking hate tourettes and myself. They started crying, even when I was trying to explain, with various expletives ticced among my explaining.

I’m just a crazy nut bag, clearly. Why the fuck does this always happen to me.

i fucking hate myself,

I always upset people, I don’t mean to but it always fucking happens.

@WooNoodle
Cba

Oh i would love to get more help. Ive been waiting over a year for a neurologist appointment, and thats standard, I phoned a month ago and they said wait another few months and if no letter phone again. It's ridiculous.

Evening, all. We've had a few reports on this thread so we just thought it was worth popping in to let everyone know that the OP has been with us a number of years. Obviously, we can never vouch 100% for anyone here, but we've no reason to think the OP isn't genuine. Hope that reassures anyone with concerns.

And? It would still be more appropriate, and very easy, to repost without including the offensive slurs from today and yesterday’s posts. @MNHQ

It sounds horrendous for you Op, but it also sounds horrendous for the poor person on the receiving end of your abuse.

Are you not able to remove yourself from the situation when it happens? I agree with those who say you're likely a danger to yourself & potentially others if something you say triggers them. Is this situation not enough to chase for an urgent referral?

I hope you manage to get your medication sorted.

Ok so after a quick Google search, it says yes a person can still be racist.
Do not have the time to do further reading on the subject.
It may not be the case with the op but I don't see why she felt the need to put the word in her post.

If someone had been calling me a f*t , p*f, nutter or whatever and came towards me, I would assume they were going to duff me up unfortunately, and would probably call the police. I wouldn't stand there and give them the opportunity to deck me, so someone wouldn't have an opportunity to hand me a card.

Maybe call out 'I have tourette's' or however you want to say it. I think I would say 'I'm really sorry, it's tourette's', but I know it's not your fault so not something you have to apologise for.

And OP hates herself so much yet doesn’t think how they could minimise any more offence caused....like their choice of wording here.

Suspicious AF. But I’ll probably get deleted and OP will be allowed to continue posting in the same way, not being made to describe things better, in a less offensive way. Ffs.

If someone who was screaming abuse at me approached me to hand me something I would think it was something with more abuse written on it; who would seriously take it? If they came towards you you would think they was going to hit you so someone may do it first to protect themselves

Can you possibly get a lanyard that says ‘I have Tourette’s’ on it? That way someone could see you have an additional needs lanyard (like the sunflower one)

I agree with Biscoff. Screaming abuse at someone and then fumbling around in pockets and trying to hand people things is more likely to get you decked, or worse. It could be miss construed in the moment and have serious consequences. Just walk away.

What point? I think that's a fair question to ask.

Yes there is a man that lives around here with Tourette’s and he wears a hi-vis. It’s helpful because you notice him coming from a distance so you sort of brace yourself ahead for whatever he may shout at you (he doesn’t always) and it’s not particularly scary that way.
He has screamed some unpleasant threats at me a few times. If he wasn’t wearing his hi-vis and it came out of the blue I think I’d feel more threatened.

I’m sorry OP, it must be very difficult.

People with Tourette’s can’t help what comes out of their mouth! I think if OP was racist they wouldn’t give a shit whether they had offended someone. Yes the word is vile and the person she said it to must have been very upset, I’m not minimising that, but as a previous posted mentioned OCD I’m likening it to intrusive thoughts I used to suffer with. They were awful but the more I tried to not think them the more I would. I’m just trying to have some compassion for the OP who has said they hate themselves.

People with Tourette’s can’t help what comes out of their mouth! I think if OP was racist they wouldn’t give a shit whether they had offended someone. Yes the word is vile and the person she said it to must have been very upset.

Exactly.

The word is disgusting though it is out there and unfortunately with tourette's it's the really bad words that pop into your head in a panic knowing you must not say it causing them to come out.

I saw a couple of people with the syndrome on the undateables, it's all consuming.

I really feel for you OP and for the person you met today.

I hope you're feeling better now. 💓

Yes I could see someone trying to hand you a card being problematic when you've shouted at them, they're likely to be worried you might be about to attack them. Could you have a lanyard as someone suggested with Tourettes in big bold letters on one side so it could be shown and seen from a distance? I doubt you'd want to be walking around in a hi vis vest or anything else to draw even more attention to yourself then you're already forced to do, but a lot of people have lanyards for all sorts of reasons.

I'm so sorry that you have to wait so long to get the help you deserve and i'm sorry there are so many people ready to accuse you of being racist, even on here, that have fuck all understanding of how debilitating Tourettes is. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this makes your life. Sad that they are ready to call you racist without caring that it is actually they who are being horribly ableist.

I think for most people they'd see the anguish in the person with tourette's face, they might be shouting but cowering and distressed by their own words.

It's almost like another person battling to get out.

One of the lads on the undateables was really good looking, he was mortified as the words were leaving his mouth.

He commented on the waiter's penis, called one match a cougar on repeat whilst apologising in between.

You don’t deserve the harsh comments on the thread.

I'm so sorry, both for you, and for the person you met. This sounds desperately hard all round. My brain often gives me the least appropriate word in a situation but I'm fortunate that they don't get past the filter and come out loud. I don't know why it happens and I don't even like having the thoughts, especially when they're linked to prejudice that I don't consciously feel.

This might sound a bit daft but have you ever considered hypnotherapy? You could do with having the most offensive words in your vocabulary substituted for something innocuous in your subconscious. It might just be worth a try. I really do sympathise.

Thank you @FlyToTheSun much appreciated!

Hope I can return the kindness one day, I'll keep an eye out for your name🙂

Ah, no problem. The comment was uncalled for.

No... I meant it might not be entirely down to OP's actions that the person was inconsolable. As in, on a good day, it wouldn't be overwhelming for me if I knew OP had tourettes, on a bad day I might be extremely distraught even knowing about the tourettes.