to ask why people bother with wedding seating plans?

[AnnHedonia]

Not being snidey about those who choose to do so, btw - I just genuinely have never understood the necessity. At my own wedding we let guests sit wherever they wanted (aside from the top table, which we did the traditional way) and it felt so much easier than trying to plan it all out.

A relative is currently wrangling with the seating plan for her own wedding - mustn't put this person next to that person as they don't get along, etc - and it got me wondering why people bother.

Am I missing something? (Not trying to say either way is right or wrong, btw, just saying DH and I found it easier to not have one.)

Because a lot of guests won't know each other and won't know who to avoid.

We had one guest at our wedding whose 'specialist' (or rather only) topic of conversation is parish planning policy. It seemed a kindness to the other guests to seat him next to his wife, who could tell him to shut up, and next to the only other guests with a glancing interest in the topic. We also had a fervent Scottish nationalist who likes to hold forth at length on how shit London (all England but especially London) is. We're generally fairly tolerant of people's political views, being mostly apolitical ourselves, but we did choose not to sit him next to any of our friends from London since we wanted everyone to have a fun day with minimal conflict.

Went to a wedding with DH, he is disabled, by the time we got to the tables we couldn't find two seats together so both sitting on tables with people we didn't know plus he can't manage to get to buffet and carry food back so I had to cross the room to his table, find out when he wanted, queue up and get it and take it to him and then queue up again for my food when not much left.

If someone can't be bothered to do a seating plan they aren't great hosts in my book.

This is incredibly inconsiderate! You'd think if somebody wanted you at their wedding breakfast they'd make appropriate adjustments to make it accessible for all guests!

Seating plans are a good idea, so that guests who hate each other (and there are always some), don't have to sit together, and so that people without many acquaintances are sitting with people who will talk to them.

If you don't have a seating plan then families and friends will all sit together, leaving some guests feeling very awkward and not knowing which cliquey group to try and join.

I don't suppose they thought it would happen, just the "oh everyone will just find seats with people they like" as if that just magically works out.

I have dinner with my husband every day, I am more than happy to be separated for a wedding meal! I don't really understand why people are that bothered. And I am an introvert, it doesn't mean I can't talk to other people

I hate it when there’s no seating plan as your gagging about looking for the right amount of seats for your party. It’s a pain.

😂 This.

I was maid of honour at my DSis’ wedding. No seating plan. I spent so much time talking to family and friends that I could only find a seat in the spill-over room

We had guests who didn't know many people and didn't want them to feel left out.

We had a lot of DC there and wanted their parents to be able to sit with them near the loos and the outdoors.

We had people we thought might like to meet each other and who probably wouldn't if we didn't provide the opportunity.

I would have thought it was to prevent the issue of odd spare seats dotted about causing some people to be separated and have to sit on their own.

Obviously I totally get it if one of you needs assistance

For us, it was so the staff knew what table to take the food to. Everyone had submitted food choices with their RSVP.

I have to go to a reasonable amount of dos with a seating plan, and I am usually always sat with my family, who I sit with for dinner on multiple other occasions. I don't like them but then I don't like formal dos anyway. I much prefer a mill around buffet so that's what I did for mine.

Agree with a lot of the points made up thread. DH and I are from different ends of the country, our families did not know each other pre-wedding. We also had people travelling from overseas - a friend of DH's who had a Swiss-German speaking wife whose English was very basic, so we planned the seating to put them next to my friend and her husband as my friend had done German at uni and spent time in Switzerland. Similarly we put DH's uncle and aunt with friends of my parents' who shared similar interests.

It does take a lot of planning but it's better than the scenario of a free for all, people moving chairs about and Aunty Beryl standing awkwardly because the only seat left is at a table full of teenage cousins.

I've been to one wedding that didn't have a seating plan and it was bloody awful. If you have a seating plan, you take into account personal circumstances and life experiences to ensure that your guests have something to talk about to the people sitting next to them. My husband and I do not have children and ended up sitting on a table with couples who endlessly went on about their kids. We also ended up giving our favours to them so they could gift them to their kids who were at home.

OP, yes, you are missing something. Literally every conversation was about the children, potty training, childcare etc. It was awful.

Also so that the bride in her loved up bliss can matchmake her single friend with another single person, as her good turn for the day so that they can equally be as loved up together and the bride & groom can take the credit for getting them together

Bleugh that sounds boring, and I say this as a mum. I hope there was plenty of wine.

To not consider how your guests might interact with each other ti get the best out of the day is just laziness in my opinion.

I’ve been to two weddings without seating plans and it was a right pain.
1st one, no one knew where to sit, which seats may be for family etc so chose tables at the bank of the room to be polite, ended up with loads of empty seats nearer the front / b&g.

2nd one, brides family pulled chairs to all sit together and left empty tables and a big group of friends moved tables and chairs to create one big seating space for them all.

looked hideous both times.

imo people expect seating plans. And unless you’re having a buffet, it’s very helpful for the caterers to know where people with allergies or dietary requirements are sat.

This ^^

1. My venue insisted so that they knew where the people with allergies and dietary requirements were. We also gave colouring books etc to the children rather than the scratchcard favours the adults got.

1. To save time in everyone just sitting down rather than a palava where everyone works out where they want to go and cutting into valuable party time.

1. So that people who don't know many people are seated somewhere they will enjoy and not shunted onto the racist aunties table because there was nowhere else left after everyone else buddied up.

1. So that VIPs are given priority locations and people with children put near exits and away from the kitchen etc.

1. Saving your guests the awkward politics of having to choose who to sit with.

Always hate finding out there's no seating plan. It always ends with odd numbers spare so people end up on their own on random tables. Feels like being a kid at school hovering around tables asking if you can sit there, people telling you they've reserved it for friends, makes me want to grab a tray and sit in a corridor!

Have been at a wedding where the groom thought it would be great to split everyone up so they could get to know new people - it was a nightmare

1. FIL had early dementia but MIL hadn't told friends, he was fine with supervision though. He was totally lost at the idea of sitting and eating without her
2. MIL didn't get out much because of FIL. This wedding was her big chance to get out and she'd thought it was obvious she would be sat with her same age relatives - of course not!
3. I had severe social anxiety and was only going because DH was there. We were sat on different tables

And so on... Carnage ensued as all guests chucked out the seating plan to find people they actually wanted to sit with, some people were left over and couldn't find spaces, the venue couldn't find anyone for planned dietary requirements, it was a mess.

It did not go unnoticed that all the groom's mates had been put on one table together and didn't have this shit.

Just do a normal seating plan like normal people.

I second this as another events manager. we have enough people complaining to us as it is about dietary requirements, at least let us know where they are sitting ahead of time so they don't get served after the rest of the room

I hate weddings with no seating plan. It’s so awkward. The rush to bag tables then not knowing if you’re inadvertently sitting in a seat saved for someone else. Every wedding I’ve been to without a seating plan has felt awkward. While we are on it I’ve really disliked the buffet (as the wedding breakfast) weddings too. The queueing and ending up near the end when there’s nothing left is crap.