to ask why people bother with wedding seating plans?

[AnnHedonia]

Not being snidey about those who choose to do so, btw - I just genuinely have never understood the necessity. At my own wedding we let guests sit wherever they wanted (aside from the top table, which we did the traditional way) and it felt so much easier than trying to plan it all out.

A relative is currently wrangling with the seating plan for her own wedding - mustn't put this person next to that person as they don't get along, etc - and it got me wondering why people bother.

Am I missing something? (Not trying to say either way is right or wrong, btw, just saying DH and I found it easier to not have one.)

Her seating plan was couples on the same tables but not next to each other and mixing people up. It sounded hell!

I agree. It's some snooty etiquette nonsense. Why on earth you'd inflict this on your guests is beyond me. Height of arrogant rudeness I think.

My prissy friend does this at dinner parties too. It's so tiresome.

Urgh I hate ones that sit you next to couples/people you don't know to 'mix it up'.

I want to eat my meal without speed dating type small talk with folk I'll never see again, and just catch up with people I know and haven't seen for ages.

And to answer original question - as everyone has said there are loads of practical reasons why seating plans are helpful.

Bit shit if you can't sit next to people you know and you're stuck for example as a single person with another family because that was the only seat left.
I know people complain about being on the 'singles' table, but it could be even worse!

I’ve been to weddings with and without seating plans, and have to say I prefer a seating plan to save awkwardness - none of that “oh sorry you can’t sit here, I’m saving this seat for x”.

However, if you do a seating plan, don’t go for the mix up, seating people with strangers so they can make new friends. It’s awkward, most people hate it, and a lot of folk at weddings like the chance to catch up with family/friends. It’s a lot of pressure to put on someone who’s good at talking to people to have them getting the whole table having fun and chatting. Happened to me before, and boy that was hard work!

also, if you do a seating plan, make sure everyone who is attending has a seat. One wedding we went to, we weren’t on the seating plan and there was a massive hassle getting us seated somewhere, making us look like we were gatecrashers or something. we got moved from one table on the plan, and they totally forgot to add us somewhere else. We ended up crammed in on another table with great uncle alberts elbow dipping in my soup!

I can see why they might be helpful but we didn't have any of the problems mentioned above (people not getting on or those with allergies etc) so didn't bother. We didn't actually have a sit down meal or any of the other formalities such as speeches and a top table; ours was simply a piss-up in a pub with a buffet.

But only if you are sat with your actual friends/people you want to talk to and have a good time with. Nothing worse than the 'let's mix things up and sit people with people they don't know so people can make new friends at our wedding' seating plan!

Exactly. It’s never not been a nightmare when sitting with people you don’t know that, whoever did the seating plan (not bride/groom but one of their mothers most likely), thought you ‘would have a lot in common with’. This leads to having to hear about Steve and Mary’s hobby of breeding finches until after entree followed by Betty and Mike’s love of Japanese koi and their eleven million ponds until dessert. By dessert I’m usually stupendously drunk in an effort to try and die quickly as a way of getting away from the situation. Horrendous.

Sometimes seating plans are a good idea other times they are a terrible idea.

One wedding I went to a seating plan was in place as two families didn’t get on. It worked fine and was a lovely wedding.
Another wedding I went to I was on my own and ended up sitting in between two men with their wives the other side of them. One of the men was really shy and had his back turned to me so he only spoke to his wife, the other man had obviously had an argument with his wife that morning as he sat slagging her off to me the whole time as he knocked back the drinks while she had her back to him chatting to the couple next to her. The whole time I just sat there thinking how much I hated seating plans 😂

Our venue said it was required for catering. We allocated people to tables but not individual seats.

We would have done it anyway as it's easier for guests. I once went to a wedding without a seating plan where I didn't know many people, and I hovered awkwardly until I plucked up the courage to ask a table if I could join them, only to be told they were saving those seats for their friends. A seating plan also means you don't get odd seats left over at each table, which the last people arriving have to take, even if that means they're split off from their partner/family.

Isn't it mainly so the catering staff know which meal is for the correct person.

Also so you can put groups of people together who won't cause drama and who may actually enjoy themselves.

The worst wedding I ever went to had no seating plan. It wouldn’t have been too bad if they had told people beforehand but everyone sauntered in assuming they were assigned to a table, and then there was chaos as people tried to find tables that could accommodate their party size etc. Lots of groups had to sit separately.

It was awful.

At my own wedding we let guests sit wherever they wanted (aside from the top table, which we did the traditional way) and it felt so much easier than trying to plan it all out.

No doubt much easier for you but I wonder if all your guests felt quite so enthusiastic.

They are good for several reasons-

1. stop WW3 breaking out if people who hate each other in families are kept far apart.
2. stop families with kids being split up and having to squeeze themselves somewhere
3. stop elderly/disabled/shy people being left on their own miles from anyone else they know (yes people are that selfish at weddings)
4. it lets waiting staff know where the vegetarian/vegan/celiac/nut allergy person is.

I could go on and on..

I was introduced to someone at a wedding once because of some tenuous link and within about 15 seconds she'd said something outrageously racist. I'd rather not meet people's racist mates just to fulfill some sense of etiquette.

We’re having a 3 course meal and people were given 3 options per course on the invite and confirmed their choices when sending their RSVPs, as a result the seating plan was insisted upon by the venue so the staff didn’t need to inspect every place setting for clues or shout ‘WHO ORDERED THE CHICKEN’ to get the right food in front of the right people. I personally prefer having a choice of food at an event such as a wedding. We also considered a buffet for this reason, our venue wouldn’t have required us to have a seating plan for this but we may have used one for reasons already pointed out by PPs.

I wouldn’t judge someone who let people pick tables if that’s their thing. Each to their own really.

Because every seat is accounted for, and if you just let people sit where they want you’d end up with odd spaces at tables where a random number of people wanted to sit together leaving only one spare or too many people would try and cram on another table and it would be awkward.

Aso if people have particular dietary requirements, it’s easier for the catering staff to find them if they know which table they’ll be at.

If you're at a venue that controls timings, you don't want people wandering around faffing over where to sit and arguing about who is going to sit next to who; you want bums on seats so the speeches can start/meal can be served on time.

It also makes it less awkward for people who don't know many - or any - other people at the wedding. Generally, the person doing the table plan will try to sit family/groups of friends/those that have something in common together, to help the guests feel more at ease and have at least one person they'll be able to chat to over dinner.

We had to have them because of the fact that we had different nationalities and some guests only able to speak english some only able to speak german.

God your way would drive me insane (as an event manager) you end up with random 1 seats and no one knows where the special dietary requirements are. I don't think it's that hard for you to understand why people do it, you sound a little like you think your way is better/clever or something but it's really not. You're free to do as you wish and I'm sure would be a lovely day either way

If you don't you'll end up with the last couple to sit down getting separated particularly if you have odd numbers anywhere, family of 3, or a group of 3 single people.

I deliberately put the new baby and the two pregnant women together and put them closest to the ladies. It was a friend who was helping me with the table plan who suggested that. And made sure that another friend who was struggling to conceive wasn't on that table.

A well thought out plan can work well.

I hate the ‘let’s mix everyone up’ type of seating plans. Fuck no.

I want to talk to my friends, it’s not up to anyone else who I bloody well talk to or socialise with.

The only time it really works is if you have a buffet and loads of extra seats.

If you have the same number of seats as guests how due to endure all families /couples can sit together?

And if you do have tons of spare seats, then often sone poor family have no one else sat with them. Very awkward!

Or if you’re a couple and you end up on different tables because there’s no two seats together available.

The mix it up thing isn’t always because people think it would be ideal, when you only have 8 spaces on a table but have odd numbers of people who know each other it’s honestly a pain in the arse. We paired people up with someone they knew if not in a couple and sat people that way.

We told people which table to sit at but didn’t actually tell them which seat to sit in at the table. But we had a bbq so the whole thing was a bit less formal.

It's really stressful trying to get a table to accommodate your group.

The staff need to know where people with dietary requirements are sat.

It means the people more important to you are sat closer to you, rather than a table of your neighbours or colleagues being next to the top table.