To ask why I have no enthusiasm about socialising anymore?

[herewegogoagain]

I’m approaching 50 and recently realised I feel flat about almost everything social wise. This jubilee weekend, for example, I really couldn’t be bothered with the parties going on in the village - I’d rather stay at home. I find conversations with a lot of people quite boring and can no longer muster the enthusiasm to pretend I’m interested. I don’t even want to entertain good friends anymore - I’d rather have a meal out with DH or watch a good film at home. I’m not depressed, just can’t be bothered. How do I snap out of this? What’s wrong with me?

Late 30s and feel exactly the same way.

Do you know what? i am nearly 50 and I feel the same. For me I find that the lockdown periods of covid really suited me- I am more of an introvert than I realised. It has given me the strength and ability to say no more often to social stuff. You say you are not depressed, so why do you have to snap out of it?

My FIL used to say he was too old to do anything he did not want to. After a lifetime of people pleasing and attending things because I feel obligated I agree with him. To use a much disliked term - I 'carefully curate' what I wish to attend. Only things I really want to or really really have to.

I chatter with friends alot on social media, and make time to see the friends I really want to see. But I seem to be in a very quiet phase of my social life. That may change but it's okay for now. One of my closest friends is really really social and lockdown was really awful for her. She was itching to get back to her normal life.

People are different. Films with DH- sounds like a darned good evening to me.

Late 40s and the same. We have a wedding to attend in a few weeks and I've been thinking of ways to not attend. I'd much rather stay home!

Feel exactly the same. Can tolerate people for an hour or two. Prefer silence, film or a bath. Nothing wrong with you. People are exhausting! Post covid world maybe?

It's the perimenopause! Lack of oestrogen causes a lack of enthusiasm.

You are no longer a people pleaser. You are pleasing yourself.

I'm the same OP, I am 32. Not depressed, still see some people occasionally, but perfectly happy by myself or with DP at home enjoying our own company.

Nothing wrong with you, you have grown up and found your happy place. Enjoy it 😃

Sounds peri-menopausal to me.

You probably never really enjoyed meeting and making small talk with strangers anyway, and have just reached a point when you don't have to pretend any more. Even friends can get boring at times. I find I can't much be bothered unless it's family who I have a lot in common with or people I share a hobby with.

So pleased it’s not just me. After reluctantly making my way to stuff going on this weekend, I spent the next few hours wondering when we could politely leave. When people come over to my house for an evening, I’m wishing they would leave almost straight away!
I don’t think I used to be like this so maybe it is oestrogen except I’m already on HRT. Maybe I need to increase my dose?

I'm in my 40s and after Lockdowns I've felt exactly the same. I used to live having dinner parties, barbecues and the like.
Now everyone just irritates the hell out of me. I look around and listen to the dull self absorbed conversation of these people and wonder how I ever found them interesting.

I've already cut out a big chunk of my circle because it was all I could do to bite my tongue with them.

Then we had a dinner which I posted about on here where one so called group member got disgustingly drunk and touched my DH up. It was all blamed on drink but she's now been ghosted.

I'm militant though. After lockdown I think we all either consciously or otherwise did a life audit of what we want to make us happy. I know I did a lot of internal thinking of what I want going forward.

I've literally told DH that the second the last bit of ink dries on DCs exams in 2 years we are moving away as I realised I actually hate where we live, I couldn't summon the ability to go to any of the frankly false street parties and stuff.

I just think we all got used to spending more time at home and you don't have to socialise constantly. I thought I would be desperate to but it was quite the opposite.

Same here - I'm dreading one of my friends getting in touch about a weekend away with a few others, I just don't want to go. I wish it was easy to say "no thanks, I don't want to spend that amount of time with you" without causing offence. I'm happy with just my closest friends & family these days. I'm late 40s.

Small talk is not something that many people enjoy and those types of events involve a lot of it!

Me and my fella managed a couple of hours at a street party yesterday on his street because we had been asked non-stop to attend and wanted to show willing (we’re also a bit worried about offending the neighbours!)

After we left I said I wished sometimes I was the type to go to something like that and enjoy it (it’s never been my thing) and he said most people don’t, they just do it for the kids / neighbours / friends / whatever - ie obligation rather than truly enjoying it.

Made a lot of sense to me! Maybe you are just not feeling the same obligation and need to show willing as before with these types of social situations?

I'm the same at the moment and mid 30s. I think it is a post-COVID thing for me. I was wondering if I was weird and insular the other day so glad it's not just me. We went to a jubilee event yesterday and I felt so drained after making small talk for a couple of hours as not used to it as much now and couldn't wait to politely leave.

''I'm militant though. After lockdown I think we all either consciously or otherwise did a life audit of what we want to make us happy. I know I did a lot of internal thinking of what I want going forward.''

Oh yes I agree. I have definitely shifted towards living the life I wish to live rather than the life I think I ought to live. This has manifested in many ways such as changing roles at work, dropping a day at work, re-focusing on things I enjoyed in my past and reviving them, and yes saying no to things. Putting my foot down about how I have been treated over the years by family and friends and just saying 'no'.

I’ve always been this way. I find most people dull and for me, not worth the effort I’d have to expend to socialise. I’d rather read a book, paint, or walk the dog.

I was thinking of this today. It’s definitely post-covid for me as I used to always be making arrangements but now I find myself making excuses as I find life easier just doing my own thing with my immediate family.

You're not alone OP. I'm 56 and single, and I much prefer doing my own thing and am very happy in my own company. However, I'm also aware that could quite easily lead to me being a hermit which I wouldn't be happy with either!! I think I'm an introvert with extrovert tendencies.

I often think as I'm getting ready to go out that I don't want to go and would happily pay money to stay home - but then I have a great time doing the thing I didn't want to do.

I agree with the PP who said it's about curating your activities. I know I need to have time alone as well as time with others.

I managed 4 hours at our street party then went up to "get sone water" and never went back. My younger partner started out until
Midnight!

I'd just had enough of small talk. I'd enjoyed it whilst there but 4 hours was enough.

Menopause

My friend and l were saying this yesterday....we have both got people fatigue and even seeing her, l couldn't wait to get home cos DH was out and l had a tube of Pringles with my name on it!!

@chimichangaz I think you’ve described what I’m worried about - that if I don’t make an effort I’m going to end up a hermit/ boring/ with no friends. Plus DH still wants to socialise so I feel like I have to make an effort for him really. I just wish I could muster up a bit of enthusiasm.

Does it matter, if that makes you happy? I’m a bit of a hermit. DH is a bit more social than me but neither of us are particularly gregarious and both of us get exhausted from socialising. We are happy being hermits.

Theres nothing wrong with being a more solitary person if that’s what’s suits you.

I am 50 and most of my friends are like you. But I have gone the other way post pandemic and would love to socialise in small groups, though I am not keen on parties. No one wants to socialise with me though. :(