To ask why I have no enthusiasm about socialising anymore?

[herewegogoagain]

I’m approaching 50 and recently realised I feel flat about almost everything social wise. This jubilee weekend, for example, I really couldn’t be bothered with the parties going on in the village - I’d rather stay at home. I find conversations with a lot of people quite boring and can no longer muster the enthusiasm to pretend I’m interested. I don’t even want to entertain good friends anymore - I’d rather have a meal out with DH or watch a good film at home. I’m not depressed, just can’t be bothered. How do I snap out of this? What’s wrong with me?

I feel like this and I think it is a problem. Partly because I'm single and would like not to be, but I'm not going to meet a partner staying home all the time.

And partly because of youre single without much family, like me then you do need to build some sort of support system and you're not going to have friends who will help you out when you need it if you refuse to socialize.

But yes it's a terrible effort to socialize now and I feel all the time like I want to go home. I think the pandemic has withered my social muscles

I go through phases. This weekend I've been out constantly, other weekends I cannot be arsed. I think so long as it's not due to depression it's nothing to worry about. Sometimes you just need time to chill and recharge your batteries.

43 and feel exactly the same.

Nothing is wrong with you. I’m 50 and feel pretty much the same way.

You don't need to snap out of it unless you really want to.

I'm rather introverted. I've never been a big socialiser and I am happiest at home with a book. I like going out for meals etc. with my very close family (DH and my 3 DDs, my sister and my mother) but otherwise I am not bothered at all. I do what I am really obliged to do, and whilst I often do quite enjoy it while I am there, I am always relieved to get away at the end, back to familiar territory and my own cocoon where I can shut the world out.

It may well be that I’ve got out of the habit during the pandemic, I definitely socialised more before. I can’t remember if I actually wanted to though and suppressed my lack of enthusiasm or if the pandemic has changed me. Or it could just have coincided with my peri menopause. I’m going to try to explore that a bit and see if I do need to tweak it a bit. I also find a lot of new music on the radio really annoying and find it hard to find songs I actually want to listen to. I also find a lot of and stuff on TV that I used to enjoy dull too. Don’t know if this is all linked and I’m really turning into a miserable person.

40 here and feel exactly the same. I think Covid has a lot to do with it. It has made me evaluate what's important and how much time I have wasted doing things I didn't want to do. I find small talk tedious, especially with people who only talk about themselves.

Same here. During covid I kept up contact with several people and did not with some others. And then it turned out I did not miss them at all, and my life suddenly became lighter, if that is the right word. Probably is. Don't miss them at all. All mine are with me, and for the rest I don't care at all. As they do not care for me, and this is all right. Funny how we did not notice how unnecessary, foolish or even stupid some things were.

I think it's a mixture of things.
Firstly women are now accepting that they no longer have to be people pleases and suffer randomers.
I see this at work. Usually older (middle aged and above) men thinking that I actually want to engage in boring conversation with them whilst I'm at work, I don't and no longer feel obliged to do so. I work with the public and will speak politely and as much as is necessary, then I'm on with my work.
Next covid allowed people to be alone.
Age, women have done all the graft of having to take your children to things you would not have chosen to go to. Plus endure for example endless repeats of Bob the Builder. Now you don't have to. If you are not interested in seeing a film you can say no, not for me. Your dc are older so you don't have to suffer Bob the Builder anymore.
Thirdly, I hate being in big, crowded spaces. If I go out I only want to sit with family or friends. I will sit in a booth, at a small table hidden in a corner, or in a very small intimate room. Large spaces with strangers make me uncomfortable. I 'd rather sit sipping a coffee in my own garden.

My DP and I are like this, we both work in client facing roles and thought that perhaps we had used up our small talk/politeness quotient at work and need the evenings and weekend to recover.

If I only ever listened to my inner self, I would probably never go anywhere or see anyone. But I don't think that would be good for me. I make myself accept invitations and go to anything I'm invited to (which is actually very, very few things anyway!). I'm not comfortable in company and hopeless at small talk.
But, strangely I'm usually glad that I went to things, once I'm safely back home again!

I’m 30 and I feel the same! Dog, DH, book and garden is all I need.

I'm the same. 41 and always seem to be worrying over how I come across or if people like me. Always wondered why I don't have a massive group of friends then realised it's me that's made it that way. We've just been in London with DH's family for 3 days and it was really lovely don't get me wrong but also quite tiring

I am 35 and feel the EXACT same.

Saying that I have recently had 2 children less then 2 years apart so am a bit time poor.

I only worry that my lack of/ or want to socialise may effect them growing up and deprive them of vital social opportunities.

But I am the same have no interest in meeting up with anyone really even my bffs since lockdown and the babies came along.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite same! I see bug groups on social media and get a bit jealous and feel like my life is somewhat lacking but then realise I have orchestrated this. I too over think how I come across.

Are you happy with how things are?

I'm a bit like this nowadays

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I'm 27 and exactly the same.

No doubt people will try to label you with a mental health condition though. That is becoming more and more common every day.

Society can go fuck itself.

Maybe I need to increase my dose?

Why would you attempt to medicate yourself out of a perfectly normal state of mind??? If your H is more sociable than you, let him crack on. Don’t force yourself to endure stuff you don’t enjoy.

Nothing wrong with you
its PCW (post covid world) - many people say I am ‘off grid’ now. I lived alone during the pandemic. Where were my ‘friends’ at that time? No where. Who had to push on through alone. Me. So now I just do as I please, when I please. I spent majority of my life pandering to people who were utterly endless anemd during COVID I realised they wouldnt have pissed on me if I was on fire 😅

I’m 41 and feel the same. CBA with anyone or anything. This whole jubilee has annoyed me and I’ve not felt like socialising at all. Never used to be like this - I’ve never been hugely social but previously i did a lot and went to things and generally showed up. Now I just cannot summon up the energy . Also not depressed, but perhaps a bit ‘meh’ . I’ve definitely lost enthusiasm for things and I’d like to change but not sure how.
forcing myself to go things? Is that the answer?

There are far too many people out there who socialise out of a sense of duty. I am NOT one of them. What exactly is the problem with not being arsed to join the tinkly laughs and faux jollity of a social engagement, when the first thing you want to do is get out of there pronto!

Be happy in your skin, like who you are and try and embrace yourself and YOUR wants and needs, not those of others. Say no thanks once, and it is so easy the next time.

As for being lonely in old age, well that's not something I worry about right now, I could be dead next year and would have wasted most of my time left going to things I don't want to! When I am old I'll worry about that and I can afford to pay for a companion if one is necessary. EFWB elderly friend with benefits, LOL.

I think being able to say no, and turn down or dodge invites is just so empowering, and there is nothing like the relief of not having to perform at various "things" that are largely forgotten about by morning anyway.

Yes keep in touch with people by whatever means works for you, meet those whose company you enjoy but dodge anything that gives you any stress, worry, tiredness, anxiety, or sheer boredom and you don't need to explain anything.

I don't like social situations, never have, never will. I just find them awkward, I'm fairly shy and don't like small talk tbh.

I have friends that I used to go for a drink with but after covid everything stopped and I haven't looked to start things up again.

One will be getting married in the next year or two and I've already thought about what excuse I can use to avoid the hen do. I'm long finished with going out, drinking, clubs. Probably sound miserable but so what, it's the truth

Yes COVID is a factor

Plus work commitments and when I'm not there I value my time

I like being with DH or my family members

I’m late 40s and definitely feel very similar. I think the timing of my peri menopause and the pandemic were just bad luck for me.

whilst I think I probably would be happy in this current state for the foreseeable a small part of me feels that I need to get some sort of social life back. I’m going to start small (exercise class and a couple of museum/gallery visits) but plan to be slightly more socially active by the end of the year…

I’m hoping with my hrt and the getting into the swing of the new normal I will become slightly more sociable - although will keep up the good habit of not doing things because I feel obliged to do them!

@JanisMoplin I feel like you possibly! Am off to read about Long Social Distancing

I think this is a rather spiteful interpretation. By the time someone is in their 70s or 80s, their spouse may have died, along with most of their relatives and inner circle of friends.

One should not maintain outdated or toxic friendships so as not to be potentially alone in older age any more than one should have children for the same purpose, in my view anyway.