To ask why I have no enthusiasm about socialising anymore?

[herewegogoagain]

I’m approaching 50 and recently realised I feel flat about almost everything social wise. This jubilee weekend, for example, I really couldn’t be bothered with the parties going on in the village - I’d rather stay at home. I find conversations with a lot of people quite boring and can no longer muster the enthusiasm to pretend I’m interested. I don’t even want to entertain good friends anymore - I’d rather have a meal out with DH or watch a good film at home. I’m not depressed, just can’t be bothered. How do I snap out of this? What’s wrong with me?

Def peri. I'm over menopause at 47 if I woke up tomorrow and everyone in world had gone I'd be happy haha. My husband likes socialising I hate it so he does his own thing and we do other stuff together. I don't worry about being old and lonely. Most people only ever talk about themselves anyway , bore Me to tears.

I'm 38 and, having moved to a new town 4 years ago and purposely making it my mission to make friends, I've had a great social life of recent.
But something has just snapped in my brain and I'm going to take a step back for a couple of months.
I'm tired of being the person to always suggest meet ups, to offer lifts, to pay for more than my share. I find most people disorganised and flakey, so plans get messed around. Hearing people talk at length about their issues is boring and draining.
I'm going to attend my weekly running club, but only have the expectation of doing something else sociable once every month or so.
I'm happy pottering around at home with DH and our dog.

I'm nearly 48 and have been a bit like this for ages. I do sometimes worry that I'm not setting a good example for my kids. Other than work etc, all I do is stay at home!

Actually, that was an exaggeration, but you know what I mean.

No. I feel the polar opposite. But nearly all my friends are like you. We've talked about it. They didn't do it on purpose, but they re-evaluated during covid, subconsciously. They feel lethargic and just can't be bothered anymore.

I feel exactly like this. I don't drink anymore either so I find parties where everyone else is drinking particularly tedious. My favourite form of socialising is going for a run or dog walk with a friend - something that had a purpose and then ends after an hour!

This thread seems to have more introverts than extroverts. Mn is primarily introvert.

Many of my friends have said that they now recognise more of their introverted personality make up, and because covid made them be home alone for 2 years, they've realised they're actually really happy at home just pottering around.

I'm just surprised he's taken this long to realise. I To adore pottering around at home quite happy on my own with a total peace and quiet. But im also a total extrovert, complete party sn I'm so, who craves deep friendships. Im an ambivert. But I always knew this.

I too agree that people need to be careful. And think more carefully about what the longer term ramifications may be. I completely disagree with @milkyaqua. I don't think Meganorks comment was spiteful. I thought it was well thought out. Could be very lonely in 70's if don't put in the effort in 40's.

When I say put in the effort that is exactly what I mean, because friendship should come naturally, in it's not supposed to be an effort, if it's that much of an effort you're probably with the wrong people / the wrong friends.

But all relationships take a bit effort, sometimes.

"outdated or toxic friendships " said aqua. Who was talking about toxic relationships? If that's what OP considers them to be, then that a whole different problem.

I agree with grapewines. Covid changed us. We won't go back. I can't read her independent article, but it's long term and I doubt we'll ever go back to before, in many ways actually.

And I disagree with @AnyFucker. I think OP's HRT and increase in oestrogen could well be part of it.
We've discussed a lot of the other parts here, OP is going to think about these parts, so why ignore that other aspect.

I've always been a bit like this! Even as a teenager, so definitely not perimenopause related in my case.
In fact I feel like I'd been in training for the lockdown all my life!
I love my friends, and like spending time with one well chosen person at a time. But I don't like parties at all. My birthday next Saturday, and I plan to go on a hike alone in nature.
It's not wrong, it's just a way of being.
I actually like people, and I would never want to upset anyone. So I accept invitations from time to time, to avoid offending people. But I tend to get anxious, and talk far too much, and am always relieved to leave.
I was invited to an anti-jubilee party (yes, anti, the host is a lifelong republican!) I was very relieved that I was working, and had a legitimate excuse not to go.
I love that I enjoy my own company, and never feel lonely. I'd advise you to embrace it and enjoy! 😊

Covid lockdowns made a lot of people realise they don’t need to be on the go all the time and that being at home is ok. A shift from those who couldn’t believe that people like that and now many more have realised actually it’s nice.

I found lockdown fairly pleasant in the sense of no social obligations just at home with the family I live with no pressure to have a bbq for this it go to a party for a 2 year old, no having to let the in-laws in for a coffee because they wanted to drop something off.

I’ve never been one to enjoy big events or clubbing or massive circles of people and having to keep up with everyone’s news and life’s.

I felt like this more frequently after lockdown and my psychiatrist suggested an assessment for autism. That’s what it was for me in the end

Not saying you’re autistic but maybe you’ve been masking or pretending to enjoy social interaction and after the lockdown you realised how much you dislike it?

I am also relieved it is not just me, although I am in my 70s and the feeling has extended to holidays, I just can't be bothered. I do worry that I will end up isolated, but I am lucky to live in a pleasant town, with various nature reserves etc. easily accessible to me. I walk my dog every day and potter in the garden and house, I am content. I chat to people on my walks, and look forward to seeing them, I have family around locally and within an hours drive.

I don't agree with PPs who say if we're not careful to cultivate friendships we'll be lonely in our 70s and 80s. I was more sociable in my 30s but the friendships I'd made then haven't lasted due to house moves (mine and theirs - 2 even left the country) and changing interests.

Friendships are like romantic relationships - people change and move on - so I don't think being sociable in our 40s is any guarantee we'll have a strong friendship group when elderly. Anyway, I don't get lonely, never have, and if I end up feeling lonely in my old age I'll do something about it then. In the meantime I'm happy with my limited social life, preferring to chill out on my own when not at work (my work is very people centric so I'm knackered at the end of the day).

I completely disagree with @milkyaqua. I don't think Meganorks comment was spiteful. I thought it was well thought out. Could be very lonely in 70's if don't put in the effort in 40's.

You'd almost think we were two different people.

I thought it was spiteful and ignorant, to blame older people for things that are beyond anyone's control - like who dies when.

I'm the same. 47 and I no longer wish to socialise like I did pre-pandemic. I CBA to get ready, CBA with faff of meeting at friends house then taxi to pub then onto next pub and the next etc and going to places which are like cattle markets coz most of my friends are single. Maybe if it was a case of go to one pub and stay all there all night then I would prefer that, but that rarely happens with the group of friends who I go out with the most. I worry I will lose the group friendship if I continuously drop out of things with them, so I go along to as much as I can, even though I often don't want to. They are a lovely group but (for various reasons) I have turned into an introvert. I have something scheduled this year with them which I have paid £70 for but I don't want to go to simply because I have no interest in the thing booked. I realise I cant have things both ways i.e. still be friends but only go out on my terms and if/when I want to and never go out on their terms or do their thing. I worry I am getting too comfy with home life/doing stuff alone/pottering around at home (my DH is here though) that I risk alienating my friends and ending up with no friends.

I’ve been like this most of my life. Only time I have been very sociable was when I was very mentally unhealthy and I was trying to hide from my own mind. However, lockdown has provided validation for those of us who are like this. Life is way too short to spend it being fed up.

I’m far from bored though, and I interact with people (just not as friends) so it’s not like I’m not exposed to interaction. I work, I study, I learn an instrument, I take crafts classes, I exercise, I holiday with a SO. I just have zero interest in ‘friendships’.

I struggle socially but particularly at work. It’s very cliquey and I’m on the shy side but despite trying to make conversation and showing an interest in others, no-one shows an interest in me. I feel so weary of trying to fit in with people who couldn’t give a toss and who obviously don’t think I’m good enough. I wish I could just win the lottery and not have the stress of it. I find myself feeling teary when they accidentally mention their secret WhatsApp group or tag each other in FB posts. I live for my days off when I can just retreat at home and not have to feel so inadequate.

ummm OP...you have finally come to your senses?