To have suggested that new dad should visit new mum

[LovelyBranches]

Yesterday, my DH’s best friend phoned at 8am to say he’d become a father. There were congratulations given and the new dad was talking about the birth, name and weight.

The new mum had clearly had a very rough birth via c section and baby was in special care. New mum doesn’t have any family or friends in this area.

Then the new dad said how he was going to chill at home and get some sleep and go in to see his partner and baby at about 2:30. Having gone through a c section myself and being left alone in hospital for great lengths of time after the birth, I said “oh please go in earlier, it’s tough having a c section-you can’t move very much and she’ll need you to help her”.

DH’s best friend then replied by hanging up the phone. DH spent the rest of the day shouting at me for this comment, and when I tried to speak to my mother she said I was a gobby interfering cow. My mother has a long history of being abusive to me so I’ve learned to take a lot of what she says with a pinch of salt but My DH’s reaction has really upset me.

I genuinely was only expressing concern for the new mum. I didn’t feel like I overstepped the mark but everyone else’s reaction makes me feel like I’m a horrible person.

Was I unreasonable to make this comment? In hindsight I wouldn’t have done it, but it didn’t come from a place of malice, just concern.

or, because she was raised by a toxic mother she thinks that anything slightly less toxic, or toxic in a different way than her mother, is normal, so she
married a toxic man who has friends similar to himself.

DH’s best friend then replied by hanging up the phone. DH spent the rest of the day shouting at me for this comment
Both these reactions are poor. However, the new dad had probably agreed with the mother to get some sleep before returning, so absolutely not your business. Your DH’s reaction needs a serious and calm conversation.

You're probably right but god I hate when people try to tell a new parent what to do. You don't know if she told him to get rest or whatever so probs should have kept to yourself

I dont believe for one minute that your husband 'shouted at you for hours' but if he did there is a lot more of this interfering behaviour that you have not shared.

I really wish women would stop speaking about women who have given birth like they newborn deers that need everyone else to protect them from the big bad men around them. Some women will be feeling very vulnerable after giving birth. But lots us didn’t and we’re capable of telling the men we had kids with what we need and making our own arrangements. What I absolutely would not have wanted, after I gave birth, was my husbands best friends wife changing arrangements that we made.

No one can say op was right in her statement, because non of us know why he was going at that time. We can make an assumption that he is probably lazy or isn’t thinking but we don’t know that. Op projected her own situation, from when she had kids, onto another woman and tried to influence what they, as a couple, were doing.

I think Op did it with the best of intentions. But no one knows she was right. The new mum may be really pissed off as well, if he tells her.

I think you were trying to do the right thing but also 2 parents running on empty isn't helpful. It was maybe better for then he went home for some sleep so he could be more help later. All births are different but I couldn't sleep after either of my children were born after so much adrenaline so I understand their decision

Tell your husband to get a grip. One sentence doesn't remotely merit all the drama he's put into this.

This. What a shower of wankers.

Because you can't see how that one sentence was extremely judgemental because you decided you knew the whole situation and discussion has based on how you felt at your babies birth.

Your DH made a comment about "always interfering".

I suggest you step back and consider if you do but unintentionally.

As I said above my sister is like this. She genuinely believes making suggestions and comments is so well intentioned because of her experiences and her feelings.

She cannot see that everyone just thinks she's an interfering bossy boots who always has to add her opinion to everything.

I don't condone your DH going on about it for hours. But I also don't think if he's done this for the first time it's not for a build up of frustration either.

I agree with the posters who said the dad hanging up was the better response for you. Better than him telling you to fuck off and mine your own.

You poked your nose into business that wasn't yours. Don't be surprised when that nose gets bitten.

Your husband sounds horrible @LovelyBranches to yell at you for 5 hours over 1 comment... I could not live with that sorry...

@Notaneffingcockerspaniel @Whatthefuck3456 you must have crap partners if that's your experience.
My opinion has nothing to do with the OP being a women it's the fact she butted in when she knows bog all about their situation. I would be pissed off if another women was telling my husband how to support me! He knows me best and how to support me, not his friends partner.

I’m not quite sure why you feel the new Dad doesn’t deserve some sleep? You don’t know if that’s what he and new Mum agreed. Not your place to stick your beak in I’m afraid

It sounds like you meant well, but it would have been better to ask questions first - how is the new mum doing? is she settled and getting enough support from the hospital? etc - before jumping in with your opinion based on your own experience. Also seems like you have reflected on it and seen that it wasn’t something you would say again.
But your dh also sounds like a horrible bully - total overreaction there. Does he often shout at you like that?

Why would OP assume he hadn't had any sleep? He'd been at home all night.

No OP assumed that he had been home all night.

all that she actually knows if they had had a traumatic few days all around and that he was planning on getting some rest. She then immediately judged him.