Would it be such a bad thing to set your children up financially so that they never have to work?

[wonderingWallaby]

Let’s assume from the age of 21 you provide them with a monthly/annual allowance of x amount (a substantial figure), and they will receive this for the remainder of their life. Obviously I wouldn’t be happy if they spent all day sleeping, playing video games etc. But if the money allowed them to avoid the rat race that is work, maybe that’s not such a bad thing? I know there are a lot of positives to working, but my thought process is that life is short. And if you’re in a position where you don’t have to work or you can ensure your children don’t have to work, is that really such a bad thing?

Early 30’s is perfect. I gave up work to be a sahm then, and didn’t work for a long time and only do a few hours now. But I really appreciated it, having experienced the grind of low paid work as a student and then a career!

@PegasusReturns

Nope! Completely disagree. If they can work, they should.

I've also got a friend who lives off family money. She's quite frugal and moral but has started a woo business teaching women about their fertility. She has absolutely 0 qualifications for this and I disapprove so completely I can't even begin to express it. So dangerous to mess about with peoples medical situations and give them false hope etc. not sure that's related to independent wealth tho.

All of this. Plus the Royal family . That hasn't gone well has it.

@PegasusReturns

its good for young people to strive!

To make some sacrifices in their twenties for future financial security, to live in a shitty house share and move around the country or further afield for job opportunities, to push beyond their comfort zone, etc.

Its what they should be doing when young! Not a cosy cushy easy life doing a few hours volunteering a week

@Louise0701

what exactly do you do with yourself all day?

Certainly not going to happen in my circumstances but even if money was no object I wouldn't do it.

I'd love to be able to clear DDs student debts and give her a decent deposit for her first home.

I'd happily help out in other ad hoc ways going forward but I wouldn't bank roll her for life and she wouldn't want to.

For reasons too complicated to go into I'm currently reliant on a certain amount of financial help from my surviving parent atm and although I'm fortunate that they're able to provide that assistance it's a horrible situation to be in.

I think it’s a terrible thing. If you’ve never worked how can you appreciate the freedom of not having to? How will you appreciate the value of money? If you’re not a motivated person what are you going to do to occupy fill your days. How are you going to cope with not being a useful member of society? I could see it causing low self esteem, depression and probably problems with addiction too.

I married into a family where the father did this for two of his children( not my husband but that is another story)

It's been a disaster with one attempting suicide and the other with complicated mental health issues too.

Both are long term unemployed and without partners. They live together is a nice house though!

Both are unhappy and are unable to leave the house. They have tried various jobs but ultimately they have no drive.

I've also witnessed others in the same situation,drugs and mental heath issues are a common theme.

Not sure where it starts,a childhood of wealth and privilege or adulthood of wealth and privilege.

I've noticed that these people never seem to have grown up,without true responsibility they haven't been able to progress in life. They have never had to worry about a bill not being paid,or the consequences of losing a job. They dont seem to want to improve themselves either.

I'm not saying all people who have this chance are suicidal,but seeing a number of families who have done this,at least one child has had huge issues with drugs and mental health. The other child or children have done well,or okay, but at least one is suffering. Maybe they would be like that what ever life chances they had. You just cant tell.

Where I've seen it work has been where the child has been brought a small property,and told you are now on your own. There may be money from trust funds later on,or for grandchildren,but ultimately the child has a helping hand but not too much. It's a hard balance.

Money can be a curse as much as a blessing.

I wasnt born into money at all,so witnessing these people is a really eye opener to the realities of wealth( some of these people have billions)

Real wealth comes from love and support from your family network. Money does help of course. But I wouldnt swap my life for theres,even with all their money. Especially when you see that many of these peoples parents used the money as a way to justify being shitty and absent parents

Made me think of Prince Andrew and thé Marquis of Blandford - heir to Blenheim. Not really a startling success, either of them.
Never knew HMQ was a mnetter.

Agree with you @LuckySantangelo35. I’ll be honest, I’ve met a lot of incredibly privileged people ranging from upper middle class private school to aristocracy trust fund recipients rattling about in a tumbledown inherited family mansion and their arrogance and entitlement directly corresponds with how much money they/their family have.

at the very top end, the aristocrat descendants are living in shabby homes they can’t be bothered to renovate, have never worked and spend their time “creative writing”, getting off their face on drink and drugs and having chaotic and toxic relationships with others in similar positions. Lower down the scale, the ‘new money’ aren’t quite as bad as they still have a drive to do and achieve things for themselves, but their have a kind of laziness and expectation that if everything tits up, mummy and daddy will bail them out. They have very little empathy and understanding that no, not everyone’s parents can front them a house deposit or even a hundred quid - one chooses a freelance creative career because she can (flat bought outright by family) and complains about never having any money, yet when other people pointed out how insensitive this was of her when few people are lucky enough to not have to worry about living costs she had a hissy fit instead of displaying any humility.

of course there are exceptions, but I’m not sure why you’d want to give your children permission to opt out of society? Why do you think they’re better than having to work for a living? Ideologically it would be an absolute no from me, I’d rather instil a sense of responsibility for themselves and to contribute to society through paying their taxes like everyone else. Plenty of working people also manage to help the homeless and volunteer with sick animals, and there’s no guarantee giving them a trust fund would mean they’d dedicate their life to doing anything meaningful.

you could also be seriously damaging their interpersonal relationships. I know I’d never form a romantic relationship with someone living off a trust fund because I just fundamentally wouldn’t respect them, would have nothing in common with them, and wouldn’t want to get into a situation where getting married would mean effectively signing up to be financially entangled with their parents. I probably wouldn’t want to be friends with such people either for similar reasons.

I was just thinking about this last night. If I could, I would do it OP. There are plenty of things to do in life aside from work. And if done properly, it can enable someone to actually pursue what they want to do in life instead of settling for something just because it pays a lot.

I don't fetishise work. I do know two people who have died before they were 30 because they didn't have to work.

Obviously anecdotes are not data but it is a very peculiar attitude to suggest that there is nothing mentally rewarding about work.

Would it not be great if they could follow their passion and pursue things like art, music or obscure historical research rather than grind away in a meaningless job just to pay their rent. I want that for my children

@mimi0708

you can do both. That’s what most people do. You can work and also spend time on your hobbies and passions whether that’s sports, arts or whatever. As I say I could not respect my kids if they were happy to live off hand outs from mummy and daddy

@anniegun

they can do that around work

young People who can should contribute towards society

obscure historical research makes zero contribution to society but there’s nothing to stop your kids doing that in their free time outside of work

Depends on the 21 yr old...... Someone who's good at filling their free time productively then yes.

But it would be a disaster for someone who isnt.

If you ever want to adopt I am available and will happily never work again 😆

Not every child is into art, music and obscure historical research though.

@LuckySantangelo35
I run a playgroup for disabled children twice a week
(I have a disabled child myself so knew this was a much needed support group for parents as well as the children needing somewhere)

I run a soup kitchen once a week and liase with hostels to organise beds for people. I also collect and distribute donations for the homeless and for the womens shelter in my city centre

I’m a breastfeeding support worker so occasionally make calls but this has dwindled massively since covid

Volunteer in my Childrens school one morning a fortnight (reading)

I use my other time to just do stuff for me; gym, projects at home, music, see my parents and my grandmother and take her shopping, see friends and my sister for lunch.

I’m very happy and fulfilled and wouldn’t have the time to do these things and be there for my children if I worked. I don’t need people to approve of how I live my life; I spend my time doing the things that I love and that I know make a difference to a hell of a lot of people.

It'd be better to buy them a house each. Tell them to go to work to be able to pay the bills.

Pmsl at how on mn teaching and nursing are trust fund jobs as they are poorly paid whilst in the real world people do teaching and nursing as they have to!

I would never do that to my children. I don't see work as a 'rat race' at all. I would like to support my children to find their passion and use that to do something purposeful, perhaps in employment or by having their own business.

Years ago I read that Peter Jones (from Dragons Den) matches his kids salaries (unless it's an underpaid job when he pays double) because he wants his kids to do work they enjoy rather than choose work that pays well. He used his child who works as a nurse as an example, she was on £30k and he pays her £60k as it's a massively underpaid job iyswim

@LuckySantangelo35 just read your other posts. I don’t live off my mum and dads money. I live off investments my husband and I made which have paid off hugely and my husbands very successful business.