to think forgiving cheating is mature?

[youdroppedthis]

Hear me out.
I've been thinking about this for a while. No, not because my husband is cheating on me. But because I find myself thinking. Look at Victoria Beckham. So her husband slept with that silly woman and Victoria Beckam didn't LBT, she carried on and kept having a family with him and had another son the year after.
Now, instead of attending Brooklyn’s wedding to headlines of ‘VB meets estranged husband DB at son’s wedding, tensions high, etc. Etc. Etc.’
She attended with her husband as a family unit.

So, to think this is better? To think that had she left her life would have been worse?

What do you think of forgiving cheating?

None of us know what the Beckhams’ relationship is like behind closed doors. They might be happy, they might not. We don’t actually know.

If you stay in a relationship that doesn’t have any trust, and where you’re no longer friends with your life partner (putting aside being lovers, for the moment), that’s not exactly a recipe for happiness / contentment / fulfilment.

So I don’t see how that choice could be perceived to be ‘mature’.

They're a brand. It was probably not mature as much it was practical.

Erm..you realise some cheaters don’t actually want to be forgiven? That they walk out for the other person without so much as a backward glance? Are you suggesting the mature thing to do would be to put our lives on hold and await the cheater to realise what a mistake they made? Why isn’t maturity accepting it’s over and getting on with life? Does that scare you, OP? That there are single women out there getting on with their lives ?

No.

What I'd consider mature is being able to step away from the person who cheated on you.

FWIW I've heard rumours through the years that D Beckham has been unfaithful more than once so there's also the serial cheat to consider.

Once is enough for me because decent partners don't cheat, I deserve a decent partner or I'd rather be single.

But you’re talking about public perception not her actual day to day life.

Surely the mature thing to do is what is best in the circumstances and this will differ for everyone. Many people would have their mental health destroyed by staying with a cheater and being constantly insecure and unable to trust.

If it was the right thing for VB then all power to her but only she knows the answer to that

So it's mature to forgive cheating but not immature to refer to someone as "a silly woman"? Of course no mention of "a silly man"...

It's neither mature nor immature. It's a personal choice. Some people will choose to stay, some will choose to leave. It's not for us on the outside to judge either choice, IMO.

Why would she be bothered what other people think? I can't think of anything less relevant.

Staying or leaving after an affair comes down to whether a relationship can still be based on trust. If a fling was a one-off moment of madness and never to be repeated, then yes a marriage can be rebuilt.
Staying with someone who bed-hops, living without love or respect, just for the sake of a better atmosphere at an event 20 years later is absurd.

Genuine reconciliation and repairing a relationship after cheating DOES take a lot of maturity, from both partners. But it's not always the best choice and it's not always possible. People's expectations, boundaries, etc. are all different, and most cases of cheating don't just involve sex outside of a supposedly monogamous relationship but also varying degrees of deception, sometimes over long periods of time. It is a LOT of work to restore trust, and no point trying if you know in your gut that it's gone. And of course, the cheating partner may not be committed to doing or able to do the work needed to repair trust, even if the cheatee wants to try.

I'd say the "mature thing" for someone who's actually faced with deciding what to do after discovering a partner's cheating is to face the situation as soon and as honestly/realistically as possible, to get help and support if they need it, and to follow through on whatever emerges as the best course of action.

I don’t think it’s down to maturity. I think it’s the fact that as we get older we just become more complacent and to LTB would just be a pain in the arse and the easiest thing to do is almost ignore it. I don’t think anyone would genuinely forgive it though.

If you forgive a cheat you are just a doormat with no self respect. I’d rather be ‘immature’ than a mug.

It's totally individual. It's perfectly reasonable to leave someone who cheats . But if you can forgive and move on with out it affecting your esteem and you are confident it won't happen again then that's ok too. Neither are mature or immature it's about self worth.

People always use the excuse that they stay for the kids. It's extremely selfish and causes more damage to children by staying in a dysfunctional marriage. People are just too scared to be alone, have zero confidence and low self esteem to believe they would actually be ok on their own. I resented my father for a while as he stayed with my cheating mother for a few years and it was awful for us children, was so happy when we all left her. It alters the perception of relationships when you get older, you often repeat your parents behaviours.

You also have to remember, these people are high profile and live in the public eye. They have to look perfect to the outside world.

I don't think it's mature . If we are talking about people in the public eye look at Colleen Rooney IMO she looks
A complete laughing stock. Vernon Kay also. These men don't know they were born

It is not 'mature'.

How you react depends on many factors and asserting boundaries and ending the relationship is not a sign of immaturity.

The people I know who forgave adultery did so because they were afraid of the financial implications primarily, and there was nothing particularly brave or mature about it.

It doesn’t work like that. Staying can’t be classified as mature and not staying as immature.

Plenty if people stay, pretend it didn’t happen and keep their head in the sand. Some people would think that’s immature, to just ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen.

Deciding to leave because you don’t want to settle for less than you deserve, is (imo) a mature response.

in the case of celebrities, there’s different pressures in addition to the norm. But We have no idea if VB dealt with this in a mature way. She still might be having a go daily about it. She might be miserable. He might be.

certainly no one knows enough to say wether it was mature or not. I find that an odd way to look at it.

It’s nothing to do with being mature or immature; it’s how much you want to put up with in a relationship. I would definitely leave my husband if he cheated.

If I were VB I’d be pretty unimpressed with my husband being the face of Qatar but that’s a different story

I don't think it's mature, no. VB stayed with her husband because they're worth more together as "Brand Beckham."

This basically. A lot of people forgive cheating because they are scared of being alone or worried how they'll cope financially, or want to "stay together for the kids". To me that's cowardly.

Some people don't of course, and forgive cheating because they love their spouse and want to make it work. I don't know how people do that. I just couldn't forgive someone that treated me with so little respect. Granted, I haven't been cheated on (that I know of) but I am divorced and I left my husband (father of my child) for things that weren't as "bad" as cheating if you like, so I'd say with some confidence that I'd also leave someone who cheated.

It takes alot of emotional stength and determination to follow through with leaving after an affair, most people tend to talk the talk, but when it comes down to it, they can' t imagine learning how to live alone again, they have become too co dependant. Its easier to hide behind the "I don't want to break up the family home." when in actual fact the home is already broken. Its a really poor example to the kids, sons who are raised with Fathers that cheat often follow suite, especially if they see no repercussions, and its a terrible example to daughters, very damaging for their self esteem and confidence. Parents that choose to stay with cheaters are doing their children a terrible dis service as well as themselves. Zero tolerance is whats needed concerning unhealthy abusive relationships, otherwise its just continues from one generation to the next.

I think she stayed because she didn’t want anyone else being his wife.

Using the Beckham as an example for forgiving an infidelity is a not representative of the average couple who doesn't have the luxury of wealth to compensate or allow them space.

Cheating is easier to 'forgive' when you are able to live an independent life within the relationship/marriage because you are less dependent financially and emotionally on you OH, so the couple you gave as an example are hardly reflective of real life situations, as other posters have pointed out
People have complex reasons for taking back their cheating partners. Nothing to do with maturity in the slightest.