Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner hasn't done any housework the entire time I've been away.

102 replies

Lafoosa · 01/06/2022 18:12

AIBU to be upset and annoyed at my partner because I've been away for 2 days and 2 nights with our 3 children (4, 2 and newborn), alone when I was visiting my mum (who is disabled, which is relevant for the fact it means she can't help me with the kids) and then my sister who is in hospital and quite sick, and my partner has done absolutely no housework. I left almost immediately after we'd had his family over all week (he'd been working so I had to do all the entertaining and they're horrible people) and he had 48 hours to himself with no work, no kids and no one else in the house but himself. But instead of just taking a couple of hours to do something that benefits all of us he just sat on his arse, played Xbox, drank 8 beers, then went to the pub. He could've done those things and helped with the house, but instead he chose to only think about himself. So after a ridiculously long and emotionally draining few days for me, including all together 12 hours on trains on my own, I've now got an entire house to clean while I'm also looking after all the kids.

He's acting like I'm being unreasonable to have expected him to do it while I was gone since IMO it really wouldn't have taken long when you have no children to tend to or to trash it while you're do it nf it. Is it unreasonable to expect him to do it? It's his house too.
I was just really hoping to be able to relax when I got home, but I can't even see the floor in our bedroom and no pots have been washed the entire time I've been gone.
He told me he'd been tidying up for hours, but I literally can not even see one space he's tidied up.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/06/2022 18:14

What's stopping him doing it now?

Henryisahoover · 01/06/2022 18:15

Don't you dare lift a bloody finger.

Dump the kids and take yourself off either to a hotel or to stay with friends for 48 hours. Never have sex with him again.

I mean it seriously though, don't do any of it. You're subconsciously telling him he's right by doing it.

AnotherEmma · 01/06/2022 18:17

What? You took all the kids with you for those visits?

You "had" to host his family because he was working?!

I think he's been treating you as his slave for a long time and you need to have a serious think about whether you want to carry on acting like one.

MrMrsJones · 01/06/2022 18:18

Make him do it.

BackToTheTop · 01/06/2022 18:18

Why on Earth do YOU have to do it. Just don't! He can do it

makinganavalon · 01/06/2022 18:19

You poor thing. You're not being unreasonable.
Have a cuppa tea and clearly tell him what you expect to happen in the next 24 hours- you want pots, you want floor and anything else you want.
You shouldn't have to tell him but you will so just spell it out.

SafelySoftly · 01/06/2022 18:22

Just ask him to do it now, surely!

Unanananana · 01/06/2022 18:24

Did we just fall back into the 1950's?? Good god, you have yourself a prize cunt prince there.

Do not do anything. He will have to. Then make plans to leave him because like fuck should you stay with a 'man' who has so little respect for you and the home.

Regularsizedrudy · 01/06/2022 18:24

he hasn’t done it because he knew you would when you got to home. Don’t.

EL8888 · 01/06/2022 18:28

Why are you tolerating this? I would be resting after my trip whilst he sorted everything out

WallaceinAnderland · 01/06/2022 18:29

No, OP you did not have to host his horrible family. That is something that you consciously agreed to do.

Why live with a man like that and then complain about him being exactly how he's always been. He's not going to change, you're not going to change so you might as well get on and clear up because he's not going to.

cushioncovers · 01/06/2022 18:30

He's taking the piss op. I feel sorry for you. He sounds like an immature twat. Sit down with the kids order a takeout and tell him to clean up the kitchen. Take back some control op.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 01/06/2022 18:32

Regularsizedrudy · 01/06/2022 18:24

he hasn’t done it because he knew you would when you got to home. Don’t.

Exactly this. And after you've waited on his family and run yourself ragged. What a knob.

RealBecca · 01/06/2022 18:33

Possible he is as horrible as his family and you haven't made the connection?

HillCrestingGoat · 01/06/2022 18:34

Stop doing any tidying and cleaning and he does it now. Why are you doing it? FFS this is why he let it happen because he knows you will come in and clean up after him. Tell him that isn't happening and sit on the sofa.

Motnight · 01/06/2022 18:36

I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg Op, isn't it?

MarvellousMay · 01/06/2022 18:40

YANBU.

Nanny0gg · 01/06/2022 18:43

Why did you host his family when you don't like them and he wasn't there?

Why do you let him get away with all this?

LuaDipa · 01/06/2022 18:47

Motnight · 01/06/2022 18:36

I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg Op, isn't it?

I bet you’re spot on.

I’d be heading back to my mums with the kids in your situation. Yanbu. He’s selfish and lazy.

Youseethethingis1 · 01/06/2022 18:47

"Explain to me exactly why you think every fucking thing to do with looking after your home/children/family is my job so that I can consider whether I want to continue in this farce of a relationship"
Demand an answer. Do not put up with this bullshit.

PriestessofPing · 01/06/2022 18:49

In the house on your own it only takes a couple of hours to get things at least mostly into shape. He could have done that then relaxed for the rest of the weekend. He decided not to and is now trying to say you’re out of order. That’s extremely unfair.

I hope you’re not going to do the tidying now?

Comedycook · 01/06/2022 18:50

Appalling

mommybear1 · 01/06/2022 19:01

I would be livid and he would know it. I am so sorry OP sounds like you have had a tough time at your family's (I hope your sister is better). If you can try to get the kids down and an early night have a think about things with a clear head tomorrow. Leave the housework for tonight and get some rest- perhaps in the morning write a list and have your DP tick the items of as he completes them.

grapewines · 01/06/2022 19:06

He's doing it because he gets away with it. Stop hosting his family since you don't like them and stop doing all the housework.

He is clearly the furthest from 'partner' there is.

Mally100 · 01/06/2022 19:13

We can all flame this useless man and we would be right, but it's the op who is choosing to have babies with this useless man. And you are a martyr as well. You have a newborn yet hosted his family for a week?? You have enabled him, so what is will you expect to change?

Swipe left for the next trending thread