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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner hasn't done any housework the entire time I've been away.

102 replies

Lafoosa · 01/06/2022 18:12

AIBU to be upset and annoyed at my partner because I've been away for 2 days and 2 nights with our 3 children (4, 2 and newborn), alone when I was visiting my mum (who is disabled, which is relevant for the fact it means she can't help me with the kids) and then my sister who is in hospital and quite sick, and my partner has done absolutely no housework. I left almost immediately after we'd had his family over all week (he'd been working so I had to do all the entertaining and they're horrible people) and he had 48 hours to himself with no work, no kids and no one else in the house but himself. But instead of just taking a couple of hours to do something that benefits all of us he just sat on his arse, played Xbox, drank 8 beers, then went to the pub. He could've done those things and helped with the house, but instead he chose to only think about himself. So after a ridiculously long and emotionally draining few days for me, including all together 12 hours on trains on my own, I've now got an entire house to clean while I'm also looking after all the kids.

He's acting like I'm being unreasonable to have expected him to do it while I was gone since IMO it really wouldn't have taken long when you have no children to tend to or to trash it while you're do it nf it. Is it unreasonable to expect him to do it? It's his house too.
I was just really hoping to be able to relax when I got home, but I can't even see the floor in our bedroom and no pots have been washed the entire time I've been gone.
He told me he'd been tidying up for hours, but I literally can not even see one space he's tidied up.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 01/06/2022 20:15

You should have just walked out again and said I’ll be at a hotel call me when it’s clean. I’d have taken the baby but I guess from the sounds of him you might think he can’t do the basics such as feed the children so might have to take them all with you.
and from the sounds of him if you never moved back in again wouldn’t be a loss either.

KJCB · 01/06/2022 20:16

Of course he should have done the housework.

id make him do it now!

SlightlyJaded · 01/06/2022 20:23

He hasn't done anything because he knows you will do it now, and he is twat enough to be ok with that.

Don't you DARE clean up after him.

Arewethebadguys · 01/06/2022 20:31

Henryisahoover · 01/06/2022 18:15

Don't you dare lift a bloody finger.

Dump the kids and take yourself off either to a hotel or to stay with friends for 48 hours. Never have sex with him again.

I mean it seriously though, don't do any of it. You're subconsciously telling him he's right by doing it.

What they said x1000

What a piece of shit

SuziSecondLaw · 01/06/2022 20:34

Is this serious? I can't understand why anyone would put up with this.

First time I've ever said this.. Leave him. My god, you'd be better off just you and your 3 children without this supposed 'man'.

NoGoodUsernamee · 01/06/2022 20:47

Ewww OP, it’s so unattractive isn’t it?! Please don’t do it. It achieves nothing. Take the baby and leave him with the other 2 and go and have a coffee. Tell him to pull his finger out the lazy twat! He could of spent the first 2 hours cleaning and had the rest of the time to relax! Lazy pig!

Lampzade · 01/06/2022 20:51

Op-
You have spoilt him.
The reason he does nothing is because you will do it.
As others have said, I would have taken the baby and booked into a hotel for the night.
There is no way in hell I would take all three.children. They are his kids as well

BluebellField · 01/06/2022 20:59

Ffs. A man that is happy for his wife and children to come home to a complete mess is not a good husband or dad.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 01/06/2022 21:00

My ExH did this to me numerous times, if I dared to go away.

Notice I say EX.

Zpoa · 01/06/2022 21:07

That's a nope from me. Leave the kids and go to a friends.

HairyBum · 01/06/2022 21:09

Go to bed and relax

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/06/2022 21:12

He needs to do it now. End of. You sit and relax

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/06/2022 21:22

I realise that it might not be possible to “make him” do it. But if he’s such a cock that he’d refuse, argue he’s right or try to turn it around on you, leave him.

My exh would do similar things. If I went out without the kids, not move them on in their routine at all whilst I was out, if I went to visit my parents for the weekend once he trashed the house

Solonge · 01/06/2022 21:26

wow.....I would suggest taking a break somewhere without the kids...but frankly it wouldnt be fair on them, of he cant wash a few pots and put the washing in the machine I wouldnt fancy the kids chances in being looked after. You are married to a giant toddler. I would move into the spare room and tell him this is it forever unless he removes a digit and cleans up after himself.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 01/06/2022 21:26

I'd hand him the kids and take myself out to a hotel... even a cheapy one just to get away. What a slovenly, selfish man baby you have there. I'd throw him back in the sea.

Rockdown2020 · 01/06/2022 21:27

This is totally unacceptable.

How on earth can he justify not supporting you to visit your mum and sister independently by either looking after the children. Or if not possible due to youngest child going with you to help assist?

I hope you’ve got more of a support network than your husband as he sounds really selfish.

Do not clean a thing in that house. You’re officially on strike. Advise him so.

Shoxfordian · 01/06/2022 22:01

He’s not much of a partner

Motorina · 01/06/2022 22:08

It's not about the dirty pans. It's about him making it abundantly clear he considers the dirty pans to be your job.

Now, unless there's a crystal clear reason why that's the case (he has no functioning arms; he's deathly allergic to all cleaning products, and soap, and water...) then he can fuck off to fuckoffsville.

Credit card. Hotel room. Room service.

Leave him to it.

letsnotdothat · 01/06/2022 22:32

Christ, he’s basically your fourth overgrown child. What sort of fully grown adult with three children sits for two days playing Xbox totally ignoring all housework? Just so unattractive and disgusting, he sounds like a teenage boy. Don’t even think about doing the cleaning for him now, he needs to do it all straight away.

Summerfun54321 · 01/06/2022 22:52

I've now got an entire house to clean while I'm also looking after all the kids.

Why? It’s his job to do it now surely.

Lafoosa · 02/06/2022 18:16

@Nanny0gg they came for our daughter's birthday, but he arranged it and didn't tell me how long they were staying for. I asked him multiple times but he didn't even find out himself because he kept not asking.
So he had one day off for our daughter's birthday and they stayed an extra 5 days on top of that, which I wouldn't have agreed to. I thought they were just going to stay for one or two days, especially because they knew he was working and the kids had nursery, etc.

I only agreed for one brother to come too, he just told me less than a week before that everyone else was coming and even though I said I didn't want them too he never stands up for me with them anyway so he didn't tell them they couldn't come.

OP posts:
Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 02/06/2022 18:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/06/2022 18:20

Of course he hasn't. Men are lazy cnuts and I won't have one in my house.
If it wasn't for the fact I have a lovely son who does think of his DP and my needs Id wash my hands of them all.

PersonaNonGarter · 02/06/2022 18:23

I've now got an entire house to clean while I'm also looking after all the kids.

:S

AgentJohnson · 02/06/2022 18:27

He’s a lazy cowardly entitled fucker and you need to stop expecting the less lazy cowardly entitled fucker to show up. You know who he is and the way he behaves. It’s time for a new zero fuckery era.

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