At what age would you think it is acceptable not to know your child's passcode on their phone....?

[SmallDucks]

15?
17?
18?
older? Younger?

When they pay for it themselves!

Otherwise, I'd also say somewhere around 16-18, depending on the child.

Surely if the phone needs checking then they are not old enough to have a phone?

this.

if you have any doubts on whether they can use a phone responsibly, don’t give them one.

My mum used to ‘confiscate’ my phone for minor, irrelevant indiscretions and then message my friends pretending to be me to see what she could dig out.

As long as you’re just checking and not doing any of that shit, I’d say 15?

Unfortunately not giving them a phone isn’t really an option these days with a lack of public phone boxes and schools etc expecting pupils to have access to one.

@Pedallleur 18? Gosh I thought my house was like Guantanamo Bay

youd hate my phone it’s just messages to my friends, frog pics and Tony Blair bulge images so nothing bad.
unclench

Messages delete after being read or are saved for a maximum of 24 hours on Snapchat.
However they can be screenshot. This is where we ( children's services) have had to deal with the fall out of girls being persuaded or blackmailed to send a picture of their boobs or gentiles on snapchat, it's then screenshot and circulated causing untold amount of distress. The child us ashamed anymore often than not does not want the patent finding out for fear if letting them down.
How many times I've heard parents say, " we have a close relationship and she knows she can tell me anything!" 🙄

and this is why education and not control is the only effective weapon against online grooming/sexting inappropriate images (not just girls btw)

The parents you deal with are hardly going to be the effective ones, really, are they? You don't meet the parents who've got their shit together, you meet the hopeless ones.

I've never had the passcodes for their phones. I'm clearly a shit parent.

If there has been trouble my DDs have all come to me and I have advised accordingly. I respected their boundaries as teenagers though and didn't go through their rooms or their phones except when DD3 had a problem with bullying, which was dealt with.

I'm clearly a shit parent, but my "children" are all now well rounded twenty somethings.

There are a lot of helicopter parents on this thread. I am more of the "benign neglect" school of parenting.

Unfortunately not giving them a phone isn’t really an option these days with a lack of public phone boxes and schools etc expecting pupils to have access to one

it is very much an option not to get a smartphone. Get them a nokia brick, they can make and receive calls and messages, but not access social media and the internet.

i have never come across a school requiring access to a phone. A computer or tablet maybe, for homework, google classroom etc. schools send messages to parents, not children.

in fact the secondary schools I deal with have phones completely banned in school time. If they have one it must be off and in the bottom of the bag, or it’s immediate detention.

Yes... true. But like the poster below and others have said most kids are tech savy and know how these apps work best!

Where there's a will.... and at 16 it is not effective to expect your teen to get a job and further education which is all part of independence yet demand and be so nosy and expect phone pass codes... make it make sense!

The parents you deal with are hardly going to be the effective ones, really, are they? You don't meet the parents who've got their shit together, you meet the hopeless ones
That is simply not true.
Yes I work with many parents that are classd as dysfunctional but plenty that are clued up, in great jobs, care about their kids and spend time with them but theres always going to children who fall with peer pressure, get bullied for any unfathomable reason and so on. It happens more often than you clearly think!

and this is why education and not control is the only effective weapon against online grooming/sexting inappropriate images (not just girls btw)
most teens are pretty clues up about internet safety and know the rules. It doesmt mean they follow them though.( sadly)
We are dealing with three girls who are from a " nice " background who go to an exclusive school in our area who got completely out of their depth where they went to a city to meet a guy. They though they would be safe because there was 3 of them. The police are now involved . The parents are so upset for their children and are struggling to comprehend why they would do that after all they've had internet safety courses a good lifestyle close relationship with parents no previous MFH issues and so on.
I'm not saying police phones one way or another
My kids are old now so not my issue.. I'm just.saying even caring parents who go on about how it will never happen to their child because they are clued up and talk about "everything" to their parents ( yeah, right!🙄)can and do get proven wrong.

That's just plain nasty.

If she wasn't so controlling she would have found out loads by listening to you.

Nope. You are equating middle class with effective. That's not what I said or meant. It is zero surprise to hear that some girls from a posh school got into trouble. That's just one other demographic of shit parenting, isn't it, where the parents are too busy with the great jobs, outsource everything to school, are totally naive, overcontrolling on the unimportant stuff and lax on the big stuff (yes hello mumsnetters) and , yes, caring, but no, not effective. I know loads of parents like that. They are also shit, just in a different way to the differently neglectful parents with kids on social services interventions.

Caring does not equal effective. Looking at a child's phone is just a way of feeling, incorrectly, in control. Putting your child on a course on internet safety does not equal educating your children in safety and life skills.

lassof
Ok so how to you describe an parent effective.
I've seen parents that have shown, love, have boundaries, put in reasonable consequences abd had age appropriate expectations, spent time with their children and the child has still sent inappropriate pictures or cyber bullied a peer.

For me, I presume all my devices and communications are being monitored by my father, or his team so to speak.

i was going to say 11 but I’m clearly in minority

That was a typo - I meant 13. But, still very much in minority I think

13 with the exception of if I was ever suspicious about something. I’m assuming the people who are saying 18 don’t trust there DC.

18 or when they start paying for it. Whenever comes first

@Regularmumnetter I trust my dc I am just not naive to how easily teens can be manipulated into sexting or worse.

But the for sexual consent is 16?

But the for sexual consent is 16?
Yes, but there's more to people possibly wanting to check a young person phone than consensual sex stuff.

But it would be massively intrusive if they are having consensual sex and the DPs didn't approve and they interfered and voiced their opinion on what they viewed on their phone?

But it would be massively intrusive if they are having consensual sex and the DPs didn't approve and they interfered and voiced their opinion on what they viewed on their phone?
Sure,
I'm just pointing out that you can have consensual sex and other illegal stuff can be happening or they can be taken advantage of and exploited in other ways that's not sexual.

I'm sitting on the fence as I dont think there is a one size fits all on this issue

When they pay for their own phone and contract!