At what age would you think it is acceptable not to know your child's passcode on their phone....?

[SmallDucks]

15?
17?
18?
older? Younger?

Everyone in my house (me dh and 2 teens 14/16 - and indeed my mum as I set hers up the same) has the same passcode. A phone is a useful device and you ought to be able to pick someone's up to google something if yours is dead or whatever. That doesn't mean you go snooping through whatsapps all the time, but equally the phone shouldn't be full of secrets.

@Boymumsoymum exactly!

I think a lot of people on Mumsnet put way too much importance on being able to periodically check their children’s phones as the best and only way to safeguard them. There are so many ways I can think of from the top of my head to stop people viewing thing I don’t want them to see. Deleting conversations and browsing history. Using something like Snapchat where conversations auto delete. Using private browsing mode. Using a friend’s phone who doesn’t have the same inspections their phone has. Buying a second phone which doesn’t have the restrictions on it. And that all assumes that the parent knows exactly where to look, as you’re looking for a needle in a haystack.

Knowing the passcode and doing spot checks is a pretty blunt instrument that a savvy teen will be able to bypass fairly trivially.

You check your 20/23 year olds phone?

13

12 was the last time I looked at my sons phone. We spoke at great length about grooming, bullying / catfishing etc and he wasn't allowed to have social media until he was 14.

I believe in giving young people the tools to grow and learn and not to police everything they do.

I've never known their passcodes but I expected to be given their phone to check if I asked. I think there's only been a few times when I've felt the need to, and they've let me without a problem.

I'd probably not do it over 16 though. Depends why I wanted to check I think.

Never known, never checked

42 but only if they've eaten all their greens otherwise 78

18;, but only to use if there was a reason to be concerned, not for regular general snooping.

i've never known my DD14's password, but the trust is there that if she wants to talk through anything she is always able to. I think invading a childs privacy does more harm than good.

Hmm I dont know ds is nearly 14 and I have his passcode and parental controls on his phone (so he doesnt play on it during lessons). Probably 16 or 17 but will play it by ear.

My eldest we insisted on 18 the younger one wore us down and was 16.

Children don't over night become 'adult' because they turn 18. Some children are mature at 15/16 some a few years later. It's fine that your children weren't responsible until 18 but some are, it's individual to the child and family. The op is just asking for a rough guide based on others experience.

15ish I think, so long as their online behaviour up to that age had been sensible. If they'd spent age 11-14 making inappropriate tiktoks, doing snapchat bullying and sexting/sending nudes then I wouldn't be leaving them to it at 15.

I'd still want to have a handle on what my 13 or 14 year old was doing online, but if they'd proved themselves by then, then 15/16 year olds should have some trust put in them.

Wow that is shocking and controlling.

😂😂😂

I know my 15yr old DS's code but have tailed off checking it as he has never given me cause for concern. He talks to me about issues.

FWIW he knows my PIN.

Dunno. I was a teen in the late 00s and we were all chatting online on the computer in chat rooms and MSN messenger then. I was always fairly switched on though and wouldn't have dreamed of meeting anyone I met online. I don't recall my mum ever checking the computer in my bedroom, she left me to it. DS isn't a teen yet so I don't know what I'll do.

I lived by myself at 17 hundreds of miles away from my mum. You can't baby teens that age.

Well, at 16, they're legally allowed to sleep with other people aged at least 16.

Feels wrong to be going through their private messages at that point...

I know my 13 y old code and he knows I know it.
I don't know my 14 y olds.
However he doesn't give me any cause for concern.

HAH, I'm 35 and by the time my friend was 15 she had a secret PAYG phone for texting/calling her secret boyfriend because her mum used to check her phone 😂. Any teen worth their salt is going to be able to bypass any parental spot checks. Some of these posts are both controlling and incredibly naïve.

As a side note, my parents used to check my email and snoop through my stuff when I was a teenager. It's massively backfired on them because now I don't tell them anything and guard my privacy jealously. They only know the most superficial details of my life.

I think it depends on a lot of things including the maturity of child, where you live, maturity of friendship group. I think cyber bullying is a big issue as is the sharing of illicit images. I reckon after finishing GCSEs. Although, fuck up and you won't have a phone let alone a pass code.

I also think privacy is important.
There are more important things than checking phones.