At what age would you think it is acceptable not to know your child's passcode on their phone....?

[SmallDucks]

15?
17?
18?
older? Younger?

Aw thanks for that. It was quite a few years ago now and unfortunately it didn’t work out, he picked up an injury which took him out and that he couldn’t recover from. He had a great experience though in elite football from 11 to 18. Your friends son has done amazingly well, good luck to him.

This.

Mine is 16 this year and I used to check his phone of course. This year I've taken a different tack.

I do not check his phone but I keep channels of communication open. He can and does tell me a lot of stuff and will come to me for advice on private stuff.

The checking is a red herring really. If they have half a brain cell, they'll just hide it and how many of us can hand on heart say we are up to speed with discord etc etc?

So regular chats have been the way forward here recently

We all know each other’s, and we all have each other on Find My. That said, they’re older teens now and I don’t look at their phones. I recently told my DD16 that if she wanted to change her PIN or remove us from Find My then I didn’t have a problem with that, but she chose not to. We use each other’s phones if we need to but would ask if it’s ok - e.g. ‘my phone’s dead. Can I use yours to order that book I wanted ?’

That said, I grew up in a household with loving but authoritarian parents so I used to do a lot of sneaking round and got myself into some quite dangerous situations. I didn’t want the same relationship with my children so have worked hard to foster relationships built on trust, because I never felt trusted.

IMO, a kid can get into plenty of trouble on a phone in between the times you check it anyway.

One of the reasons my 8 year-old DD is not getting a phone, even though some of her pals already have their own, is because she's still too naive to understand what is appropriate and what is risky.

Last year, she managed to find an incredibly inappropriate GIF on iMessage and sent it to my dad through our iPad, because she just thought it was silly. Up until then, she'd been happily sending short messages and emojis to keep in touch with her grandpa.

So... I could give her a phone and know the passcode to access it, but even then, I can't supervise her use of it all the time. And the whole point of giving her one would be so she could use it herself, rather than borrow mine. She ain't ready.

Dc are 18 & 20. It’s never occurred to me to check their phones or ask for the passcodes. We do weird shit like trust and talking. And I probably know far more about what their friends have been up to than some of their own parents do.

I know what ds1s pin number is as well

i didn’t ask him for that either

we are quite an open family

18, but I know her pass code to that and her ipad. As she also knows that I wouldn't snoop, I'd ask first and only if really worried I'd look. There's a trust between us so her password remains the same. My 16 year old however must not change it as I class her at an impressionable age, although I don't sneakily look I look with her

45?

my mum knows mine, but that’s cos she’s needed to get into it when I’ve been really poorly.

DD is 11 and I know hers.

I feel sorry for the teens who aren’t allowed privacy and boundaries when they’re past the age of consent.

My DD is 7 so it’s not something I’ve put much thought into. I’d probably say somewhere between 16 and 17. Not right away after the 16th birthday but sometime over the following 12 months. I’d like to think DD would be being treat and behaving like an adult at 17.

Wow, i seem to be an outlier here, i've never insisted on knowing passcodes, Too late now, they are both 18.

You aren’t the only one pourme

there are a few others 🙂

I never checked

Too late now, they are 17/20

Maybe I'll ask the 17 yr old when he comes home from his shift tonight

Here we go - another load of MN helicopter mammies. At 16 your kids need to know that their privacy will be respected. They should have clear boundaries by this age and not need their parents checking to see who they're communicating with.

DD is 23, I never knew her password, her first phone was a brick phone and I remember having the occassional check, it was just stupid teenage text msg with her and her friends. When she got a password protected phone at about 13 I never asked for it. I knew my DD well and if she was upset about something I might have asked to look at her phone, but there was never any need for it.

Not that long ago you could get married at 16!

At 16 I worked 3 days a week and I was at college 3 days. A lot boils down to your child's nature and personality at the end of the day there's only so much you can do as a parent!

I don't think being extremely controlling or impersonal is going to benefit a child in the long run..

When they are paying for it themselves.

I had joined the RAF when I was 16!

This is awful. I would hate for you to be my mum. You looking through my phone with me? Are you going to work with your Dd? Taking her and collecting her? Back off Christ what if she's discussing personal or private issues it's non of your business at 18.

I would be leaving home ASAP if I was your DD

There’s are some extremely controlling parents in mumsnet! I don’t know anyone like this in real life! Lear some boundaries ffs!

what are you all checking on your 16-17yo phones?? Reading their private messages?

yuck.

Most kids use Snapchat and pictures sent and opened will ofter be deleted straight away.. especially of the nature you describe. Messages delete after being read or are saved for a maximum of 24 hours on Snapchat.

Never. They’re 18 and on track for great a level results, never in trouble at school, great social life, lovely people.

Unbelievable how many on here equate control to good parenting.

Surely if the phone needs checking then they are not old enough to have a phone?