At what age would you think it is acceptable not to know your child's passcode on their phone....?

[SmallDucks]

15?
17?
18?
older? Younger?

Wow, I'm very unsure on this. On the one hand I want to say they should be entitled to privacy as soon as they're 16 really but my teachers started messaging me on Facebook just before I turned 16 and my mum never checked anything and he groomed me until we had an 'affair.' And I wish someone had looked out for me.

18

And I don't think it's necessarily a question of knowing their passcode. It's them knowing that at any time, without warning, I might ask them to open their phone and let me look at it. If they refuse, they no longer have a phone.

I agree with when they start paying for it.

I only allowed my girl unfettered access to her phone from her last birthday. She's just turned 40. AIBU?

DS 15 does not even have a phone. He just borrows our spare one of he goes anywhere and needs to ring for lift home. He will be given 1 for 16 birthday. He does not use SM and spends all his time doing sport.

If you don't trust them enough not to know their passcode, you obviously don't trust them to have a phone.

There’s absolutely no benefit in having passcode anyway (at least as mum of teen boys) as absolutely everything is done over Snapchat so auto deletes. At some point you do have to let them get on with it… Girls maybe different as they seem to use Instagram much more which comes with different vulnerabilities- don’t have them to worry about thankfully!)

16

Absolutely this.

When they are paying for their own phones and are over 18. But we all know each other’s and are happy for others to use our phone if close to hand and theirs isn’t, so I fully expect my DC to continue to use their current passwords when they get to that point but won’t insist of course. (Eldest is 17 and will soon be paying for it herself.)

As others are saying, if there's something they want to keep private, they'll delete it anyway. I know both my children's, they know mine. I don't check their phones but they are aware I could any time if I was concerned. We keep open and honest conversations as far as possible. Teenage boys sending photos to girls of their privates Is rife according to my 13 year old, and she's just reported a boy at her sports club for sending them to her!

When I cease to have any legal responsibility for him, so 18. And because I'll still be paying the bill.

I won't actually be checking unless there is a very very good reason, but will retain the option just in case. If his mental health took a dive for example, and he needed protecting, I would want to be able to, as a last resort.

Well that's concerning as a parent of a boy. It will be a brick phone for DS if he ever dares to do that.

You can leave school at 16, go to college or get an apprenticeship, drive a car at 17, go to the pub at 18, you can vote, get married and go to university yet some parents want the passcode to their kids phones 🤨

You check your 20/23 year olds phone?

yeah that’s absolutely what i said 😀

no obviously not…i just know the passcodes, i know dhs and everyone knows mine

It was a condition of their having a phone that all passwords were to be shared until age 16

About 15

Knowing the code doesn't mean you'd actually look. But it's handy just in case.

No idea of DD15’s but if I asked her to show me it I would, that’s always been our agreement. She’s sensible enough so I give her privacy.

Never. They got phones at age 11. Had full privacy from then. But we educated our children on online safety and they always knew they could come to us if anything happened that was off.

I think 8 or 9 is okay, as no-one wants to be an helicopter parent.

And this is why there are so many problems with teens and phones. Shockingly lax parenting.

My 16 year old left home to take up a football scholarship. You think I needed to check his phone at that stage? 🤣

You really need to stop babying your teenager.

I honestly think it depends on many different factors.

I am working with a 17 year old female who has been sexually exploited and has sent sexual images of her self to a unknown to her male. She has many vulnerabilities and thought he was her 'boyfriend' Her parents now know her pass code and she is only allowed the phone when she is with them. I have many similar stories like this of girls aged 13-16 and the truth has only come out when they have got completely out of their depth when the images have been shown around school or the police have caught the perp on other offenses.

I have always known my kids passwords, not necessary to check on what they were doing but what others were sending to them. I have to say on at least one occasion I was so glad I did. A male acquaintance of DS2 was sending him hard core pictures and asking him what he thought of them.

Ooooh so tough